Ahsoka Tano One-Shots

Snippets with Snips

Heyo, human beings from outer space!

I didn't know what to call this, so lo and behold, here it is. 

I've had like zero inspiration to write anything at all lately, but I had random little ideas in my head. But they didn't work as full stories, so I just threw them all together and boom, here you are. 

Read on if you dare.

"Commander, how are you doin'?"

Ahsoka's head snapped up from looking at her bandaged arm. She offered a small smile to Echo, who sat down on a chair next to her medical cot.

"Oh, you know. It's the med bay," Ahsoka said with a single-shoulder shrug thanks to her injuries.

"But how do you feel?" Echo asked.

"Numb in my arm and everything else is kinda achy. Oh, and I'm hungry. But other than that I'm good," Ahsoka said. "But I might be dying on the inside a little."

Echo looked heartbroken. "Oh, Commander, if there's anything you need to talk about, I'm all ears and I'm ready whenever you are."

"I'm not sure that will help," Ahsoka huffed a laugh.

"No, really, Commander. I don't mind! And I'm sure any of the boys would be willing to listen to you also!" Echo said.

"No, I'm pretty sure that's not gonna help me."

"Seriously, I'll always be ready to listen," Echo insisted, eyebrows high. "I mean, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything you don't want to and you don't have to tell me anything now but–"

"Oh, Echo, kind sweet souled Echo," Ahsoka laughed. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm quite literally dying inside: Talking won't stop the internal bleeding."

🪐🪐🪐

A shot rang out. Something– someone– thudded to the ground.

A scream ripped from Fives' chest and his knees hit the dirt. "What have you done?!" he wailed.

"Fives–"

"WHY?!" Fives screamed.

"Fives–"

"I can't believe you've done this!" A sob wracked through him. "Why would you do that to her?!"

"Fives–!"

"You have no heart inside of you, I swear it on my life!"

"FIVES–!"

Fives screamed out again, agony laced through his voice and his fingers twisting through his hair. "WHYYYYY?!"

"Fives, shoot the kriffing droid so we can get back to Anakin," Ahsoka growled out. "And for kriff's sake, why'd you trip me?"

"I wanted to put on a show for this guy so that the last thing in his memory banks could be, one, that he completely missed a shot at me and, two, that I'm a star," Fives said, gesturing to the battle droid in front of him. The droid somehow looked bewildered. "Gotta make it dramatic, ya know? Make him think that he hurt you so I could show him how much I shine!"

"Kriffing meilooruns and blue milk, Fives, just shoot the droid so we can go."

"But–"

"Nununununununo, don't you dare 'but' me, no siree. Shoot down that droid before I shred it," Ahsoka said.

Fives pouted and sighed, "fiiiiinneee." He kept eye contact with her as he lifted the barrel of his gun and shot down the droid in about seven tries.

🪐🪐🪐

"What do you call a ton of men waiting in line to get their hair cut?"

"What?" Ahsoka blinked confusedly, raising her eye markings as she looked up from her studies. "What Kinda question is that, Anakin?"

Anakin smirked widely at her. "A barber-que! Badum-bum-ching!"

Ahsoka blinked at him again, her forehead scrunched.

"You hungry, Snips? I could make you some egg roll. I found a recipe for a great egg roll, and you know how it goes?"

"I don't want to," Ahsoka said.

"You get an egg and roll it. Badum-bum-ching!"

"That was horrible."

"Whatcha' workin' on?" Anakin asked, changing the subject a bit too abruptly as he peeked over her shoulder.

"Geometry," Ahsoka said.

"Ooh, you see those shapes there?" Anakin beamed. "What do you think that triangle would say to the circle?"

"I don't think about that, I just try to get my homework done before I rip it to pieces," Ahsoka growled.

"'You're pointless!' Badum-bum-ching!"

Ahsoka groaned and let her head fall into her palms. "Take the triangle's advice, Anakin, and stop telling me these stupid jokes."

"Okay, how about I make us some pasta?" Anakin offered.

"You can't even boil water without setting the house on fire," Ahsoka said, lifting her head. "So no."

Anakin sighed dramatically. "Well, RIP boiling water. You will be mist." Anakin waited for it to sink into Ahsoka's tired mind. "Badum-bum-ching!"

With a loud groan, Ahsoka banged her head down on the table and hid it in her arms.

"Come now, Snips. Padmé took me shopping to get some nice stuff to wear in case I have to go to court. I chose the perfect lawsuit. Badum-bum-ching!"

"Anakin, stop."

"You may think that these jokes are pointless, but as soon as you break your pen, it will be pointless, too."

"Stop it."

"But if you wanna keep on topic with that math, what do you think the zero said to the eight? Nice belt. Badum-bum-ching!"

"Anakin, I swear–"

"You don't like math, do you? Are you better at language arts? I bet you're better than the sailors from the water planets. They always get stuck at C. Badum-bum-ching!"

"Please, I'm begging you to stop."

"Fine, I guess you just don't like studies. How about the tea, if you know what I mean," Anakin winked. "Did you hear the rumors about the butter? Well, I'm not gonna spread it. Badum-bum-ching!"

"I'm going to scream."

"Aw, don't scream. You might have to go in and get your throat checked. Speaking of which, I heard of a cookie who had to do that. Can you guess why? Because it felt pretty crummy. Badum-bum-ching!"

Ahsoka let out a smothered, muffled scream, and then dragged herself up from the table. She gathered her things and headed for the door.

"Hey, where are you going?" Anakin called after her.

Ahsoka barely glanced at him over her shoulder. "To Obi-Wan's, where I can do my homework in peace where no one will be telling me horrible jokes."

"Hey wait–"

Ahsoka was already gone.

"Well," Anakin scoffed to himself. "The joke's on her. Where does she think I learned the dad jokes from?" 

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Word Count: 1,070

Published: January 18, 2022

I feel like crying for zero reason right now.

Requests are open, feel free to message me or make a comment if you have any ideas. 

Bye, peoples!