I'm So Sorry...

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Heyo, human beings from outer space!

No, this is not an apology, that's just the most creative name I could come up with for this fic, so don't freak out :)

So I am obviously not doing Febuwhump. I'm not even done with Whumptober and I'm embarrassed, but I'm just gonna figure out Whumptober slowly and scatter in the prompts 'cause I haven't been super inspired lately. 

This was requested by a_wolf_from_lothal and I apologize 'cause it's pretty crappy but I needed something to get me going. 

Read on if you dare.


Ahsoka couldn't stop shaking.

She'd been shaking for weeks and she still couldn't stop.

She was hungry but couldn't eat, restless but unable to will her muscles into working, and tired but too afraid to even blink. Every time she resorted to staring at the back of her eyelids, memories she wished she could wipe played for her like movies.

They made her sick and paralyzed her with fear. And Ahsoka wasn't one to freeze. Not until her most recent capture.

Ahsoka was no stranger to the whole getting kidnapped thing. But this time she'd met someone worse than any other being she'd ever heard of– Dooku's mater. He reeked of the Darkside so horribly it made her physically sick, and his eyes were like nothing she'd seen before: Sick, molten gold mixed with pure wickedness that lit up in the worst way when he cackled and right before–

A scream ripped from her throat and Ahsoka snapped awake, clutching at her neck with the ghostly memory of searing pain gripping at her. It faded, leaving her melting into wracking sobs, wishing she could scrub her conscious of the images.

Kix burst through the door and threw himself to his knees by her bed. His hands began prodduing and she thrashed against him until he relented. Then something pricked her neck and she screamed.

"Hey, hey, it wasn't a sedative," Kix assured her all too knowingly. "It's just going to slow down your thoughts, okay?"

It was too close to a sedative, too close to the feeling of her brain turning into a gooey swamp. It reminded her of the feeling of Dooku's Master shattering her mental barriers in one fell swoop and knocking her out with so much power she didn't have so much of a fraction of a second to try and fight.

Ahsoka bucked and kicked, doing everything in her power to slow down the progression of whatever Kix put in her. She focused the Force, honing in on her veins where the blood raced the substance to her brain.

"Hey, Snips, can you hear me?"

Her eyes shifted over to see both Anakin and Kix staring at her with the all-too-familiar worry laced in their expressions. Shame bubbled in her core. She rolled over and buried her face. Anakin tried to console her, but every word felt like an empty promise, and every time he touched her, she instinctively ripped away.

Finally, both men gave up and retreated from her cabin. She could hear their voices– though muffed– even after the doors shut, and this time the shame provoked silent tears.

Kix was staying in their master-padawan quarters, crashing on the couch in the common room. They were both so worried about her. She felt terrible. But she couldn't stop behaving this way, no matter how hard she willed herself to just be normal... whatever that was anymore.

There was war and there was suffering and there was a relentless pounding in her brain, but more than anything she wanted to stand up and walk into the other room.

I'm sorry...

The ghost of the words formed on her tongue but her voice wouldn't work. It hadn't in too long. And her legs wouldn't stand and her tears wouldn't dry and her mind wouldn't calm.

So she lay on her bed and silently sobbed, lips twitching uselessly. There was nothing she could do.

I'm so sorry.

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Word Count: 570

Published: 4 Feb. 2023

Guess what: I hurt myself again yaaayyyyy. I sprained my ankle the other day and then proceeded to make it 348x worse by dancing on it for two days straight, and I'm gonna dance on it all day tomorrow too and I've been icing and heating all day so if anyone knows how to abracadabra sprained ankles back into shape could you share the spell thanks 🫠

And I never thought I'd say this but requests are closed. (unless you want a part 2 to this one, then let me know). I have like two pages of requests and my life is so crazy I need to catch up before I get any more :)

Hasta la vida, peoples!

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