forever and always ///// Carl Grimes

26. Terminus

Chapter 26
From the eyes of Anne

As I walked the endless roads, my side weighed down by the small baby boy that was sitting there silently, when will this be over? When will I be able to give this child the care he needs? The basic nesecitys I have not been able to provide in this world. We are Walking for days upon days gets tiring the only thing keeping me going is the thought of his childish grin and chuckle, the thought of the life he will have after this is all over. The thought of Carl-seeing Carl again would probaly make me cry, it's all I wish for his icy blue eyes and brown hair to be in my sight. Oh the things I would do.

I zone back in after nearly tripping over a train track. "Shit". I look up and inspect the abandoned station, rusty metals hold up as the walls and water drops down the edge even though it hasn't rained in months the drips bring back terrible memory. The white walls filling my vision, the must smell of the mold condensing. The feeling of going crazy and driving myself mad. I can Physically feel myself become a maniac. I'm glad I'm gone.

Memory's, that is all I'm living off now; if you can call it living, more or so just surviving. It reminds me of something I saw before the prison, before Rick and Carl, before Maggie and Glenn, just survive somehow it was engraved into a tree I saw before. It gave me a sort of motivation that there were other people.going through this, I know deep down whoever wrote that knew that it wasn't going to be easy.

I haven't lived for a long time, the only time I came close since the world went to shit was back at the prison before then I was just surviving, not even I was just there emotionless. I don't even know why I do it. Wouldn't it be easy just to end all of my suffering. I have the power, why don't I use it? It is as easy as one little wrong move. All of this pain and suffering gone, instantly. I pick the dirt out of my nails with a weapon that could end me.. so why don't I do it?

I shake my head, I need to keep my cool.

A terrible rotting smell fills my head which also makes Charlie squirm. In the distance I see a cardboard sign that is barely legible thanks to the blood spattered above. It has been to long since I have been to school or read something, but that feeling I could never forget, the simple things I used to do before now make me so intrigued. It makes me wish for it even more

"sanctuary for all. Community for all. Those who arrive survive." I read aloud letting my eyes wonder to what the blood says. 'go to terminus glenn -maggie' "Maggie, Glenn" I question out loud. My mind flashes back to Maggie teaching me and Glenn to drive or Glenn helping me plant seeds in the prison feild. My heart skips a beat and I look straight at Charlie.

He starts to point and coo at the sound of their names, I guess he misses them as much as me. His second parents in a sense. His parents as much as mine. "Do you wanna go there Charlie?" I question in a baby voice. Charlie doesn't say much but a small laugh and smile. "Okay bub, let's go".

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As we begin to walk my mind wonders better places this time, I know why I am still here but. There's gotta be a reason. There's gotta be a reason I'm still here on earth. Why me, what have I got to offer?

Charlie begins to cry as he hasn't had a sleep today. "I think it's time that we find somewhere to stay for a while"  I speak to Charlie "Are you tired? Yes you are" I say in that same baby voice. Just as I say that I spy a tree in the distance that has rather big branches "bingo" I say aloud. Recent I have began talking to myself in the replace of real human beings.

I bring my arm up and slide along while shimmying my way up the tree. The rough bark doesn't help against the brutal calloused on my hands. I bring out  a sleeping bag I scavenged and hang it in the tree so that it makes a bed big enough for Charlie. I place him in the make shift bed and begin to sing him a tune, soonly adding words from many of my previous thoughts

"There's gotta be a reason for the dust and the dirt.
There's gotta be a reason that I'm here on earth
The changing of the seasons never changed my hurt
So what's it worth? What's it worth?
Worth another shot of whiskey and another sip of gin
Another drop of poison that is slowly sinkin' in
If we're going down together, better take another hit
We won't be here forever so let's make the best of it"

Luckily by the end of my little music endeavour Charlie is sleeping lightly on the makeshift bed. I quietened down and I open my pack and see my book. Opening it I begin to write down the lyrics and work in a melody. My fingers mimick the moves in the air from a guitar.

Hopefully soon I will have someone who I can share these lyrics with. Who will always be there for me.