Crowns and Daggers- Completed

Nineteen.

"What do you mean 'fine'?" 

"Exactly what fine means. Okay, sure. Fine." 

"Ana-" I stood up. 

"What? I don't get a choice right? And if I did it's not like you'd be the worst choice, so fine yeah, whatever." I shrugged and turned. Whatever. I was done with the whole getting involved with my marriage conversation thing. I'd end up with whoever I end up with. I wasn't worrying about it. Not thinking about it. 

"Ana will you just-" He grabbed my hand, stopping me from moving any more. I wasn't making a fool of myself. So I just stood there. "Will you turn around? Please?" I slowly turned, keeping the space between us. "You have the choice." 

"No I don't. It's not up to me." 

"Yes it is." He dropped my hand. "It would be a marriage of convenience and safety sure. I'm not stupid Ana. I know we're not the closest people in the world but last night-" 

"Nothing happened last night." I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows. 

"Okay if it didn't, then why can I still taste you?" He stepped closer but I was frozen. Step back Ana. Move backwards. He's going to do it again. MOVE. ANASTASIA MOVE YOUR ARSE. "I can't tell you what you tasted of but it was sweet and I have been thinking about it all day." 

Heart pounding in my chest. I could barely hear his words over the rushing of my blood as he was inches from me again. 

It all stopped. 

In an instant. 

His hand around my waist, pulling me so all the space between us was gone. I put my hands on his chest to steady myself. It didn't work. The feeling of his chest rising and falling with my own, both of us chasing air like we were running from something. 

What were we running from? I don't know but it was powerful, whatever it was. I could feel it's power. It was terrifying, exciting, pulling us to it. 

"Ana..... Hello?" I looked up at him, staring into his Icey blue eyes. "Your eyes are mesmerising you know. The purple in them is just-" He sighed, a bright smile taking over his face. "I could look at them all day." 

"This is too intimate." I said but didn't look away. My words were barely audible, cracking and breaking at their seams. Much like the person they were coming from. 

"Then look away." His words were quiet too. 

"I can't." 

"Why not?" 

"I'm lost." I was counting the lines in his pupils. The tiny hints of a steely grey, the darker ring around the edge. 

"Come back to me Ana. I need your attention." I blinked slowly. Moving my eyes from his finally. "Do you still hate me?" I looked at his lips and staggered a breath. They tasted so good last night. I wonder if they taste the same now. No Ana. This is Christopher we're talking about. 

"I'll always hate you." I looked down at my hands, hoping breaking the contact with his face would help me return to normal. 

"Okay now answer truthfully." 

"Do you hate me?" 

"I never did. I hated that you hated me." I looked back into his eyes. I couldn't hold myself back. 

It was a whole other world in there. A dimension I didn't know existed. It felt like I'd gone from being flat. Squashed between pages of a book my whole life. But looking in his eyes I felt dimensional. I felt full. Not dull and lifeless. Full of life and vibrance. Like his eyes. Like they sparked something in me, urging me to free myself from my book pages.  

"I don't hate you. I hate what you did to me, to my reputation, to my life." He was searching my eyes. His were flickering around. It was hard for me to stare at the blue when he was moving them. What was he even looking for? There was nothing in them. Nothing of any use to him. 

"I hate me for that too." A clumsy breath wobbled out of my nose. "Ana. You don't have to marry me. You can say no. Tell me you refuse to and I'll withdraw any conversations. Tell them I kissed you last night. They won't let me marry you then." I swallowed hard as his lips got a little closer. "But only say it if you really mean it. Because if you say no, I have to go find someone else and you're the only person who doesn't fall to their knees around me." 

Only because you're holding me up. Holding me this close. With your stupid face. And your stupid dumb smile. Your stupid eyes I keep getting lost in, like the sea on a boat with no compass to guide me home. The way you're holding me so tight, but so soft at the same time.  

Stupid Christopher. 

Stupid smile. 

Stupid teeth.

Stupid lips. 

But they tasted so good. 

Stupid chest. 

Stupid perfect height.

ANASTASIA. GET A GRIP.

I shook my head slightly, trying to pull myself from my thoughts. 

"I won't refuse." I blinked slowly. 

"You won't?" 

"No." 

"Why not? I thought you hated me?" 

"I do. I think. I don't know. You confuse me." 

"Why?" 

"You ask why a lot." 

"I just want answers and you only give so much away at a time." I try changing the conversation but it doesn't work. "Why do I confuse you Anastasia?"  God that sounds good coming off his tongue. I groaned and he smirked. "Because you don't hate me do you?" 

"No." 

"I knew it." His lips were brushing mine, not kissing. They were barely touching. "I knew you loved me back." He kissed me now. Now he'd just told me he loved me. 

Wait. 

He loves me? 

What. 

I pulled back from him, furrowing my brow. 

"Did you just say you loved me?" 

"Um-" He lifted his head up, cheeks flushing a deep red. "No I didn't." 

"Yes you did." I smiled brightly. "You said you knew I loved you back." 

"I did no- Wait. You're not denying it." 

"I haven't had the chance yet. I don't, I barely tolerate you." 

"You do more than tolerate me Ana. Admit it." 

"You admit it first." 

"Admit what?" 

"That you love me." 

"If you admit it first then I will too." 

"Well I don't." 

"And neither do I beautiful." 

Beautiful. 

Ha. 

I giggled and the smile on his face changed. 

"What was that?" 

"What was what." I dropped my smile. 

"You giggled." 

"I did not." I pushed back from him, taking a step backwards. 

"Yes you did. You giggled when I called you beautiful." 

"Alright Charming. Don't start getting ahead of yourself now."