Crowns and Daggers- Completed

Thirty one.

We'd found a huge meadow on our first tack out. It had proved a great place in the middle of nowhere for us to come so I could still have time with my bow. It really had helped these past 4 weeks be a lot more manageable. There was a ball every week. That helped it go quicker, I wasn't going to lie. But whilst the palace thought I was out horse riding, I was shooting arrows from a moving horse, making sure they still hit perfect. 

They hadn't at first. I had lost my touch. I was missing left right and center and I got so angry I stood in the field and just screamed. For what felt like hours. I lost my voice after. The girls had to say I'd been laughing too hard. It couldn't have been less truthful if it tried it's best. 

I'd spent the next hour on my knees. Sobbing and screaming. The girls wanted to come and calm me. But they knew I needed it. I'd been off the whole week and I was simply so overwhelmed with the loss of myself amongst everything else that I just needed some time to bring myself back. And the first step to that was letting it all out. All the anger, the sadness, the frustration and the grief. I hadn't given myself a second to think about the fact that my father was gone until that moment. It hurt a lot more than I had been thinking it was. 

I felt a lot better now. Back in tune with myself, even taught myself this whole shooting whilst riding thing which I was very proud of. The girls loved it. Every time I hit the target through the middle they applauded. That only pushed me to go faster, do it better, quicker. 

I pulled the bow back aiming for the next target. 

Inhale.

Slow and steady.

Focus now.

Release.

I grabbed another arrow, watching as that on landed dead centre. 

Again. Next target. 

"ANA. THEY'RE HERE." Florence ran out of the tree line. Holding her hands up to slow the horse as it got to her. "Celeste just saw your coat of arms through the treeline. Heading to the house." 

"We have to go." I pushed the unused arrow back into  quiver on my back, looping the bow over me so I didn't drop it. 

It was a quick ride back to the house. I dropped my quiver and bow behind a stack of barrels where I'd been keeping it and quickly started back into the house. 

I stood in the hallway, looking at the same 2 guards who dropped us off. 

"Princess." They bowed and I wiped my hands on my dress as I approached them slowly. 

"Hi." I smiled slightly. Looking between the 2 of them and the duchess who was stood opposite them. "I'm guessing if you two are here, it's either really bad news, or I'm coming home." 

"Tomorrow morning." They nodded. 

"Oh thank goodness. I really thought it was bad news then." I put my hand on my heart. 

"No everyone is fine. Percival would have come as well but he said he is sorting things for something he promised you for your return." I smiled. Good. He remembered. He best be following through with it as well. 

"Wonderful." I smiled. "Well. We shall go pack and prepare for tonight's ball." I turned and smiled at the countess. She nodded slightly. I'd thanked her enough for allowing us to stay here. It was a privilege to them. Us staying here meant they were loyal, respectful. It had already brought them a lot of business and interest in their daughters. Exactly as they had wanted. 

I turned and walked slowly. Trying not to run. I was so excited. The girls stood at the end of the corridor. I nodded and their faces all lit up as we walked into the one room we were sharing. They were going to give us all separate rooms but it was proving to be a bit of trouble. I didn't mind sleeping with my friends. They were able to keep me smiling at night. No nightmares. No waking up crying. I fell asleep smiling and laughing every night. It was refreshing. 

The door closed behind me and I leaned against it, staring up at the ceiling. 

"We're going home." 

"You have a decision to make now though Ana." I looked at Georgina and swallowed. Shit. I hadn't thought of that. I had to tell Christopher it wasn't going to be him. He was going to be furious. He was going to go mad. Must make sure I have a knife when I tell him. He would for sure try anything in his power to make sure I didn't choose Theo. 

"He's going to go mad." I looked at the girls one at a time. 

This was going to end so badly. I could feel it. 

Can't things go back to how they were last year? So uncomplicated.  So much easier to hate someone than it is to break off a marriage talk. And it had to come from me. I could get Percy to try but he'd just come to me anyway. If I break it to him, at least I can make him hate me again. If he hates me it would be so much easier than him being in this fake love thing he keeps talking about. 

He'd said it Once. That he loved me. And  he full on denies it ever left his mouth. But I heard it. That I loved him back. Back. He could try deny it as much as he pleased. I wasn't having any of it. I'd been thinking of him a lot more out here. Thinking about how he was. If he missed me like he said he did in his letters before I left. It had been 6 months since we last saw each other now. 

That's a long time. No matter how you look at it. It was a long time to go without seeing someone you could potentially be marrying. 

I think I loved Theo. But Christopher was something else. We had a whole history. Was I ready to throw away that? And his eyes. I'd never see them again. I could stare into those forever. 

I don't think the answer was as clean cut as I wanted it to be.