Crowns and Daggers- Completed

Thirty Four.

I sat staring out into my own gardens. The quietest place in the whole castle was right here. On this wall with a 20 foot drop on one side and flower beds filled with rose bushes on the other. No one ever came down here unless they were with me, which made it the perfect place for me to just, think. 

Because what else could I really do. After last week, before I came home, before Chris kissed me again. That final kiss before he left, it had stolen all of my breathe in way even Theo hadn't. And now I was back I knew it wouldn't be long until Theo was back here. 

I needed a plan. A way that would make my decision easier because right now they both had a hold of my heart and were pulling in opposite directions. I knew it was going to hurt, no matter what the decision turned out as. I really wish there was a third new guy that I could just disappear with and not make the decision at all. Just let them find out it was neither of them. At this point marrying for convenience seemed smart, the whole loving 2 men was way too complicated. 

I laid my head back, letting out a sigh. They were both on equal levels now. For different reasons. I liked the way they both made me feel for different reasons. 

With Theo, he gave me the freedom. The ability to leave all of this behind and explore some more of the world. I could go with him so easy. And by the way he described it, I'm sure I would love it as much as he said I would. But with that came the concern of something going wrong. What if he wasn't how he had been acting here? He could be reckless. I mean, as much as the spontaneity of running away from the day is fun, how often did he do this? What if we had run into trouble? How would he have protected me? I didn't have my sword, just a small knife. I can't remember if he had his or not. 

But then with Chris, I know he could just be using this as a power move. He could just be admitting all his love for me for the sake of leading me on to let me down, leave me at the altar. But if he's true. That would be different. If everything he was saying was true then all of this could be a no brainer. I'd be close to home if things go wrong, I know the area. I know his kingdom, we grew up running around it. And he said if I wanted a palace by the beach he could make it happen which means he has access to the sea right? I'd love to see that. And I know him. I know him better than anyone. We have so many things in common, so much history. But can I get over the big lie? How many times does he have to apologise for me to be able to move past it? Is it still burried in me as resentment towards him? But wouldn't marrying him end all the rumors? Because it was him I supposedly kissed. It would go from boy mad to she was just in love. 

Another sigh left my nose as I sat my head up straight and wiped my tears. 

Okay so it needs to come down to my future with them both. Maybe I should quiz them about it. Ask them the same series of questions and see how they answer. Not tell them that's what I'm doing. Obviously then they'd just be telling me what I wanted to hear. So what's important to me? What needs to be the deciding factors on this. 

What happens if something happens to Percy? Then what happens with us. As far as I'm aware, they're both inline for their own thrones right?  I was not giving them mine. I would be ruling here and they can rule their own. But how would that work. I'd need to be close so Chris could potentially pull points out the hat for that one. Okay that's a good point. I have to ask that question. 

"Ana?" I sniffled and turned my head, quickly acknowledging Percy behind me. "You okay? You don't come out here that often. Bash is worried." 

"Yeah." I sat up straight looking down at the drop below me. "I'm fine." I quickly wiped my eyes so he couldn't see me crying. This was all so overwhelming. I'm terrified I'm going to make the wrong decision. 

"How do you- Ow- How. For god's sake. You choose such awkward- OW- places to sit." I giggled as he moved through the rose bushes, trying to get to me. "Come on give me a hand here." I turned around and pointed at the slight path around the back of the roses he'd been stood right next to me. I giggled as he threw his head back, stepping off the flower bed and moving around, sitting down beside me. "Spill it. You're crying so obviously you're not fine. Is this about Chris and Theo?" 

I nodded, laying my head onto his shoulder. 

"How do I make the decision when I think I love them both just as much as the other Percy? I can't decide. I'd be happy with either of them, they both make me feel like a kid again, they both love me, I'm safe with both of them, they both have similar drawbacks, similar positives. I can't-"

"Shh." He stroked my back carefully. "This has been bothering you a while hasn't it?" 

"I thought I had it figured out. I was going to go with Theo. But then when the guards came to bring me home, Georgina said I have a choice to make. And I thought about Chris for the first time in like 2 weeks and I was hit with this sadness at the thought of letting him go. And then it wasn't as clear cut. It wasn't as simple. And then he showed up and kissed me again and I told him I was struggling deciding and that I didn't know what to do. He asked me why it was such a close call and I told him all the things Theo does that makes me lean towards him, and then he comes out and says things that just make it even more messy." 

"What things?" 

"That's he's loved me since we were little. That he kissed me in the stables because he wanted to test the water, see if I felt the same and when I pushed him off that's why he told, because I broke his ego. Then he said that he doesn't just love me, that he's been addicted to me since we first met when he was like what 4 and I was 2. And then he said he was done acting like he didn't because he was losing me to Theo by doing that. I'd told him that Theo looks at me like I'm his whole world, which he does-" 

"I know. I've seen it. He's infatuated with you." 

"See?" I lifted my head up, looking at Percy straight on. "So he told me that I'm not his whole world, I'm his entire universe, the reason he gets up every day, that he has dreamed of my eyes every night since we met. And I'd told him that I liked that Theo was open about talking about out future together, what it would be like to married to him. And then Chris turns around and says that being married to him would be however I wanted it to be, to tell him what I wanted. That he'd build me a palace wherever I want it, he'll do anything as long as it made me happy. Told me he'd burn the world to the ground to see me smile." 

"So essentially a more chaotic version of Theo's same speech?" 

"Yes." I sighed again. "This is what I mean. How the fuck do I choose between them when they both offer me the same thing?" The tears started streaming again and Percy pulled me into him. "I'm so confused Percy. I don't know what to do. Either way I'm going to hurt one of them and that's going to hurt me." 

"Do you want my support whilst you decide? Or do you want me to decide for you and take the blame? Because I can do that Ana. I can decide and tell them it was all me." I shook my head. 

"No. I have to do it Perc, I have to do it. I have to be responsible for it. I got myself into this mess, I'll have to claw my way out." 

"Okay. Well what can I do to make it easier?" 

"I need to ask them both the same questions. So I can think about their answers and use those and those alone to decide." He looked at me and I wiped my eyes. "Like what happens if something happens to you?" 

"That's a good question. You'll be able to judge a lot based on it."