Crowns and Daggers- Completed

Thirty.

I smiled sweetly as they showed me around. Asking the right questions at the right times. Pretending I cared or that I was paying attention whilst my father died in his own bed and I was across the country. 'Don't tell anyone where you are Ana' 'We will send people to you if we need to' 'you will be safe there' 'no letters' 

No fucking letters. 

No contact with anyone outside this. God this month was going to be one of the worst in my life I could see it coming. 

I'd tasted such freedom with Theo over the past month. And now I was addicted to it. I was already planning a way to escape this place. Even if it was for a short time. The girls could see it. They could see me checking exits, counting creaky floorboards, stepping around them and testing the quietest routes. They weren't stupid. 

I wasn't a girl that liked being restrained. A lot of people called it a rebellious, misbehaviour, childish even. To me it was the opposite. I wasn't rebelling. I was simply wanting to find myself before there was a ring on my finger and I was being forced to bare children for the family name. I wasn't going to be on the throne so whoever I married, it would be their name continuing. I wish I could choose who that got to be. 

At least this place had a big library. A pretty big library. Big enough to keep us company over the next 28 days. They had everything we did, on a smaller scale. And they had horses. I could ride, so long as the girls were with me at all times. I wasn't trapped here. I guess. The rules being set out were easy enough. I doubted I'd be breaking any of them. 

"One more thing Anastasia." I lifted my head up. 

"Your brother instructed we told you now and then left because you wouldn't be happy." I looked between the 2 guards that had followed us up here. They would be leaving. The Countess had her own security staff. 

"Oh go on what now." 

"He said no archery and no sword play either." I stared at them blankly. "Yeah see that's what he said would happen. Goodbye ladies. Have a great time." The girls waved at them as they closed my bedroom door and I spun around. 

"Ana...." Florence stepped forward, trying to calm me down. I was calm. I am. Calm. Completely. Utterly calm. 

"I'm fine." I raised my eyebrows. The hint of a laugh in my voice. "This is fine. Everything is fine."

"Ana. It's okay if you're not okay. This is a lot." 

"I'm fine. Drop it." I snapped at them and they all looked among each other. I was doing that a lot more recently. Snapping at them. I don't know why. I think not having Christopher dropping by to take my anger out on was having more of an effect on me than I thought it was. Either that or I was just sick of people telling me how I should and shouldn't feel. 

I don't know which way I was leaning with them. 

"Shall we walk around then. See what's outside? I can't stay in here. I feel like I'm going to suffocate if I do." 

"Why do you feel like you're suffocating Ana?" Celeste walked closer and I held my hand up to stop her. 

"Please. I really need some fresh air." My voice cracked. I think they got it now. I was holding it all together for appearances. If my father was dead, which, let's be honest. With how he was when I left this morning. He wasn't. That means I'm now next in line to the throne. And if that's right. I couldn't be seen crying. Not now. Not ever. Things were about to get a lot tougher.  

They all nodded and we stepped out into the hall. 

"How about we all grab a book each and we can sit in the garden." 

"In the sun?"

"That sounds fun doesn't it Ana?" 

"Sure." I put on a fake smile, taking in a deep breathe to calm myself as I pulled my shoulders up straight. I felt weak. Like my whole world I'd built up 6 months ago was nor crumbling at my feet. And the only thing I can bring it back to is boys. Christopher weakened me by redefining my hate for him. And then Theo came in and made me feel like nothing I'd ever experienced. I felt like I needed him now.  I didn't like that. 

I should probably spend the next month reminding myself I didn't need him specifically. I needed to find those feelings he gave me and create them myself. That way I'd know I can do it myself. And maybe I wouldn't miss him so much then either. 

The library was packed full off books I'd read dozens of time over. I wanted something I could escape into. Something I could talk about with the girls. A comedy. 

Shakespeare. 

"Has anyone seen A Midsummer Night's Dream?" I asked and they all looked at me. It must have been unexpected. I don't know if it was my words or the fact that I'd spoken. "Or any Shakespeare. I need a pick me up and I think that would be perfect." They all looked at me like I was a ghost. "Have I said something wrong?" 

"No." Florence smiled. "Not a word wrong. I think I saw them on the back wall." I nodded and walked back quickly. I ran my hand along spine after spine. There was a time, not long ago when this would have made me happy. A break from the castle, from the noise and the hustle and bustle. I wanted to get back to that state of mind. I didn't like being so dependant on other people for my life. 

I liked to be able to depend on myself. I'd be using my bow. Fuck Percy. He can't stop me. What's he going to do? Ship me off to somewhere deeper in the middle of nowhere?