Crowns and Daggers- Completed

Thirty Eight.

I took in a deep breath, letting the horse trot around its circle. Squeezing my thighs so I didn't fall off. This was the only thing giving me peace of mind right now. Theo had to go home a week ago. Some family emergency he didn't want me worrying about. No matter how much I pestered, he wouldn't tell even his fiancée. It felt weird saying that. I didn't like the idea of having a winter wedding. As a summer girl it felt disrespectful. So we'd decided the end of September. 2 weeks away. It was as close to summer as we could get. 

It would be here. And that night would be my last one here. It was like a clock ticking down. Every passing second I was getting closer to moving and the closer it got the scarier it got. Though I was also grateful to put more space between me and Christopher. Hi s the daily letters were getting on my nerve. I wasn't even reading them. Just burning them as they were handed to me. If I was out, I'd rip them up and watch them float away in the wind. 

Words he was trying to get through to me after I banished him from the castle grounds unless it was official business. I didn't want him here. Anywhere near me. I'd kill him on sight if I did. Well have him killed on sight. He liked it when I did that. I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of that being what he saw as the life drained from his eyes. Even it meant I didn't get the satisfaction of doing it. 

I let the arrow fly. Missing the target completely. 

"FOR FUCK SAKE ANA. FOCUS." I shouted at myself, grabbing another arrow and trying again at the next target another miss. "ARGH." I growled at myself. 

"Ana. I think you should take a -"

"Piss of Sebastian." He pulled the horse to a stop. I didn't have any more arrows anyway. 

"Ana, you've gone through 3 quivers and you've missed every single shot." 

"Yes. Do you not think I can fucking see that? Do you think I'm fucking blind too. Apparently every fucker else does." I climbed down off the horse, throwing my bow and empty quiver to the floor. "Just leave me alone. I need some space."  I walked away, bending down and grabbing a sword from the floor as I did. A real sword. Not the shitty wooden things I keep being handed to practice with. No I needed to break shit right now. 

I was at the tree line in no time. I just wanted to be alone. I was infuriated at myself. I'd done it again. I'd spent that month working on myself, making sure I didn't loose who I was and now I couldn't hit a single FUCKING arrow at a target. 

I swiped the sword through the long grass, shredding it in half. We were still on castle grounds. Just the very bottom garden, the tree line leading into the forest and onto the main road into the castle. It wasn't dense. Enough to provide cover but not enough to hide me. 

I'm a fucking joke. An actual joke. He's probably sat back in his palace laughing his head off at the thought of me crying over him. Another swipe at the grass. At least I hope it was grass. My vision was so blurred by red smoke I couldn't see. Anger is a horrible feeling. A very physical feeling. I don't like that it messes with your mind and body so much. 

"Ana?" I held the sword up the the persons face. Not another move. I want to be alone. My eyes came up and joined the sword edge. "Darling what are you doing out here?" 

"What are you doing here. You're supposed to be back home." 

"Put the sword down." I shook my head, the anger vanishing in a split second. I dropped it to the floor and he smiled, wrapping me in a hug. "Have you really missed me that much?" 

"I can't even explain it." I breathed him in. He still smelt the same. Slightly smokey but he'd probably been by a campfire or something. 

"Ana are you okay?" I nodded. "Are you lying again?" I nodded and he chuckled. "Want to go up to the lake? Or the meadow? We can just breathe a little? Away from everyone." I nodded. I didn't want to talk. "You've lost your tongue beautiful." He chuckled. 

"The meadow. Can we just lay and watch the clouds again?" I lifted my head up and he tilted his head. I was his height right now. His arms tight around my waist, holding my feet off the ground. 

"Anything you want princess. Wait here I'll go tell Bash." I nodded as my feet went down to the ground and he nodded back to his horse. The grin that came to my face must have let him know I was okay now because he walked behind me within a heart beat. I grabbed the sword from the floor. I knew then at least one of us was armed should a certain prince decide to show up and cause drama. 

I was hoping he knew he'd lost now. That I was going to marry Theo and he hadn't hurt me last week as much as he thought he had. And I hoped that kind of hurt him a little bit. Okay maybe more than a little bit. I hope it was breaking him to his core. 

That he was dreaming of my eyes like he said he did and that he was waking up crying from the pain like I was. That he could barely force a smile and that whenever he was alone he remembered how I tasted and that that was hurting him more than any knife I ever used to draw blood from him. And I hope, nay, I prayed, that he would learn. That he would understand now. That he knew how I'd been feeling for the past 11 years.