A human in Hell (RadioDust)

Chapter 38

It's pathetic really, how much I still desperately hope that it's you and me in the end.

Despite the sickening weather and feeling slightly burned in the skin. Anthony remains in his seat, laughing at Charlie's jokes and Vaggie's short remarks and sarcasm. Husk would also insert on their conversation whenever he feels like it. Nifty would also join in and let out tiny little giggles and squeaks.

And maybe their little antics helped in making the temperature a bit more tolerable for him.

A week has already passed, and there was a sort of conflict in the air. Regardless of not having any troublesome and uninvited visitors the hotel seemed gloomy and lost all it's spark.
Yet it wasn't always that way, sometimes it did have it's usual cheer, the atmosphere being warmer and cozier, it almost felt like home.

Anthony might have felt the same way.
Life would never be exciting without contradictions. Some days, you feel like everything really do not matter, other times you try to comprehend it a bit more which only results to emptiness.

Yes. Anthony was happy right now. He was spending time with his friends, something he would have never achieved in the land of the living. It was nice having people to talk to, to share silly stories, funny sagas of your life, and just be there at the moment.

Maybe he was just pretending that nothing really matters. That he doesn't care anymore. And his life was now sorted. No problems whatsoever. He bites his tongue every time he feels like he wanted someone to confide. Because he's still strong, he can sort out his own feelings. And he does not want to blame anyone if he chooses the wrong choices and makes another mistake.

No, Anthony is perfectly fine thank you very much. He only needs to endure for just a little bit longer and everything really would not matter anymore.
Yet he almost screamed when the door bell chimed and he can see from the corner of his eye a crimson red figure, following behind was Mimzy who appears to be saying something but it was inaudible at his position.

If he could describe that one short moment, it felt like time was completely frozen and he could stare as much as he wants. Charlie's blaring voice was no longer audible, there was no noises, there were no people, everything was black and white except him. He might have even forgotten to blink, only to notice it when his eyes started to hurt, and he finally did. And when he opens it everything was back to the way it was.

Anthony again feigned ignorance of it's occurrence. He convinced himself that he was imagining things. So he went back to chatting away with his friends, offering comebacks and a smile every now and then. However, them on the other hand, steal glances from each other, they then look back to him with a worried gaze.

.

.

.

.

.

The radio demon for once, had nothing in his mind. There was no evil scheming, no ingenious plans, manipulation tactics. Nothing. It was a blank empty slate.
The canvas however had holes which intrusive thoughts would come in, that would make him furrow his brows and break another one of his pen. He replaced it with a flick of his fingers.

He closed his eyes and let his back lean on the seat, settling his arms on the side.
In his head, he could feel a vague sense of pain. A thought, an idea, a reason, trying to break free. He had been tired of setting it aside for many weeks now. Even disregarding it's existence. But it did happen, it do exist. For a very very long time now.

And he is now very much aware of it's presence.

.

.

.

I knew. From the very moment you have arrived that you were no good for me.
We live in two different worlds.

But it had been worse without you,
Even if I try to ignore and not want you,
I ended up needing you,
You were my joy,
And yet you were also my endless pain.

I did not want to fall in love-not at all. But at some point you met my eyes and smiled and I have never seen a smile so beautiful I could find no words to compare.

The first time I had met you it was not love at first sight, my love for you evolved gradually. From your personality, your voice, your hair, your eyes, your humor, the way you looked away and smiled, the way you tuck away those shimmering blonde locks, and how your face glows red every time you feel embarrassed. It was perfect -and you were the most alluring person I have ever met.

Gradually it all came clear to me that you were going to be someone I could just never let go.
There was just something about you that made me a little more alive and a far less lost.

I look at you, and I just love you, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you.
Because if you ask, I would even take over hell so I can be with you.

But now.

I have to remember you for longer than I have ever known you.

Alastor tried to reach out to him, maybe try to initiate a conversation. However he quickly halted on his step and stopped himself. What would he even say?
He's aware of his feelings, but he's even more aware of Anthony's emotions.
There was nothing he could do or say in the matter that could forgive his past heinous acts.

He could only stare silently and gaze at him from afar, to see him laugh and giggle while talking with everyone else.

Since it was the results of his own actions that left him in this situation. He must now suffer the consequences.

.

.

.

Anthony tried to reach out to him but stopped as he saw him leaving to his radio tower with mimzy.

He was upset, angry, with him but still very much miss him. And he felt even more pathetic as he realized that.
Because his brain keeps telling him that the radio demon would never love nor give an ounce of care for him. Yet his heart begs to differ because what if he does?

Because Anthony despite being broken, still thinks of him as someone worth loving for. And that's how he knew that he truly did love him.

He still recalls and repeat the things he had said on his head.

He still think about him everyday

He is still somewhat hoping

Because he did notice how Alastor looks at him far longer than someone with no feelings for him should.

So they ignore each other, they may try to pretend the other person do not exist, but deep down, they know, it shouldn't end like this.

The days then continued to move forward until it was the very last.

to be continued....