A human in Hell (RadioDust)

Chapter 39: Finale

Sadly, sometimes it is too late. That's the thing about time. It never stops. Once it pass you can never have it back.

Every single thought was going through Anthony's head. It was gnawing on his mind like a parasite.

Charlie, Vagie and Husk had been asking him what's wrong. But it's hard to explain when even he himself can't wrap his mind around it.
Because nothing was wrong but nothing was also right.

It's so difficult to hold on and wait for something you know would never happen- but you know what?, it's even harder to give up when it's everything you've ever wanted.

Deep down inside he hopes even if he had every reason to give up.

And amidst his contemplation. There was a short knock outside of his door.
His neck must have snapped as he quickly ran to the direction of the noise and began to listen intently.

There was another knock and another that followed it.

His palms were sweaty when he turned the doorknob open. His lips were dry and his mouth tasted like sandpaper so he coughs to let his guest know that he is present at the room.

There were no noise that followed it. So he clears his throat again and this time he speaks. "What do you want?"

"May I come in"

"You can't"
There was once again silence. Anthony mentally scolded himself for acting a bit rude and cutting the conversation short. So Anthony closes the door, leans his back on the frame and sighs.

"May I speak with you?" His voice made him flinch, being taken a back that he still haven't left.

"Is your silence a sign of approval, then?"

Anthony bit his lip, "maybe"
He opens the door again but not entirely, he only left a small gap to enable him to hear his voice more clearly.

He could hear shuffling and movements, he could hear how Alastor took a quick breath and exhaled. And when he began to speak, he truly hoped he had covered his ears.

"Anthony...I am in love with you."

He forgot to breathe for a moment.

"Don't say that- don't even- you can't say things you don't mean Alastor!" He could feel the skipping beat of his heart and the higher tone of his voice.

"I was the only one who was in love. And
you were never supposed to mean this much to me-I was never supposed to fall so hard. But you know what? I did and that's the truth, that's what keeps me holding on because it hurts like hell to just pretend I don't feel anything for you anymore. But I think it's time I let you go."
He bit the bottom of his lips, it was becoming hard to talk, his voice was breaking and he could still feel the rapid beating of his heart but he continued on.

"And that's so hard to do because a part of me will always be in love with you for the rest of my life.
Because, what if I never learn to forget about you? What if, all my life, when I meet someone new, I can never fall for them because they're not you?"

".....Then please allow me to take responsibility."

The blonde male clenched on the hem of his shirt. Placing his other hand to the doorknob and then he fully opens the door of his room. He didn't have the courage to look the demon in the eye so he stares down on the floor.

Anthony smiled bitterly, "I really wish that was the exact same thing you've said when I first confessed to you."

There were silent tears dripping down his face. Even now, Alastor's intention he does not know. Even now he is still everything Anthony could ever think about. Even now he is still feeling the pain. And even now he still thinks of him as the greatest because a single mishap couldn't change the fact that Alastor did still save him on various occasions he could have been killed, even if he didn't do it for him.