Rusty

- Chapter 24 -

Desirae

So, we're not going to Boston. By choice to be fair, he didn't want to do it. He'd have no ice time all season, I think it's bold to not assume that since it'd be his first season. But if he doesn't want it I wont make him change his mind.

"It's seems strange, since you don't have another offer." I tell him, he's on his way home. We've been apart for a day? If not less. But I miss him, so much.

"I don't know." He sighs.

I stand up from the bed and walk downstairs, "What do you mean?" I ask him. 

"We'll talk at home, Okay? I love you." He says and quickly ends the call. Leaving me more confused then before. Why was he so quick to put the phone down, what happened?

I was going to greet him when he came in, but now I'm not sure. He's being off right? That can't just be an intrusive thought. I mean, I'd prefer it to be just a thought. He is being weird, he's hiding something from me. I don't know what he has to hide, what has he done?

I do really hope it's nothing and he's just tired from the flight.

"Desi, you still here?" He calls out from the entryway.

I poke my head around the doorway of the kitchen, "Where would I have gone?" now I'm really feeling weird. Like is that a normal question.

"I don't know." He says, putting his bag on the stairs.

"What's up with you? Why don't you know anything." I ask as I walk up to him.

"I got another offer, Desirae. I want to take it but I don't know." He's avoiding making eye contact with me, but that's not what I'm worried about. He never calls me Desirae, sure that's my name. But he always calls me Desi.

"Why don't you just take it? Also why am I Desirae now?"

Now he's looking at me, "It's in Canada. Toronto."

I step back from him, he's noticed that he looks disappointed. But Canada? Really? "Jax, that's an amazing opportunity for you."

'Desi? What's wrong." He asks me, he's holding onto my wrist. It's not like I'm going to run away but it's looking awfully tempting right now.

"Jax, it's an amazing chance for you. But Canada, it's another country." I tell him, not looking directly at him. He looks hurt, like really hurt. "I don't know if I can go with you."

"Desi? Are you kidding? Please tell me your joking." He pleads, I can't bring myself to look at him. I'll start crying, tears are already pooling.

"Jax, please give me some time."

"Desirae, please." He begs, he holding me tight, but I refuse to hug him back. He's done nothing wrong but we'd be moving to a new country. Not a new state, that's what I prepared for. Not this.

"Can we just go to bed, I need to sleep on this." I say, forcefully pulling myself away from him. He doesn't want to let me go. It's not like I want to leave him but long distance is hard and I know we both wont want that.

He frowns at me but nods and lets me walk away first, this is going to be the longest night ever.

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Like I thought, I didn't get much sleep last night. It's a lot to think about, it's not like I have anything to loose. I don't have a house, a job, a car anything. Everything I might own is his. Which is the sad reality which is now my life.

Jax left earlier, I guess he had to go to the gym or something. I'm enjoying the quiet right now, normally I'd hate this. I'd hate him not being here, if he signs we wont see each other nearly as much as we have done.

I know for a fact that he loves me, but my question is, what does he care about more. Hockey or me. Now that's not what I want to be known for, the girlfriend who thinks she's worth more to her boyfriend then his career. That hasn't even started yet and wont even start for a few weeks.

He's wanted this for years, even before I knew him. I won't be the one to take this dream from him. The roles really have reversed, huh.

I quickly get dressed, I can't be bothered to put make-up on today. I do have no where to be honestly. But I do want to go out, Celia is busy. So skating it is. 

I look down at my ring again, I admire it for a moment. But in the end it's not the stability we wanted, if we wanted stability we would be married. But we aren't.

Sorry, I got really deep them for a second. But it's true, do I regret saying yes? No, not at all. But we need stability, this isn't enough.

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I tie the laces of my skates slowly, the longer it takes to do this. The less time I have on the ice, that may not make sense especially since I love skating. But being here isn't calming me down like it normally does. It's our thing and has been forever, this isn't an escape anymore. It's just a reminder.

I contemplate walking out and just going home and putting myself in a food coma, but that's not healthy. I just need to focus on skating, it's not like I practice anymore since I quit after Jax got the offer in Boston.

I know it seems pretty dumb now.

I stand up off the bench steadily, trying not to topple over. I'm shaking right now, mentally and physically.

I put my skate bag and guards into a locker and head towards the ice. I glide around the rink once, it's peaceful.

Then there he is, like he was just under a year ago. Stood behind the glass watching me, literally not pulling his gaze away from me even when I look at him.

I'd prefer to talk at home, I really would. But I signal for him to come onto the ice. He looks hesitant to do so, he hasn't got his skates on. I don't think he was expecting for me to be here.

"Jax! Come on." I plead with him from behind the glass, once he hears me ask him to come on the ice he goes to put his skates on. It's not like he's rushing, he's calm.

He has something to say. I can see it on his face, he doesn't want to tell me. But I've been waiting for it since I woke up and he wasn't there.

I take one more lap around the rink, to calm myself a little. Then when I turn around he's there, looking at me with a guilty face.

"Desi, I'm sorry. I took the offer."

He's moving to Canada, possibly without me.

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Hey!

This is a weird chapter, I'll admit but I do like the direction this is going in. I think they need this to yet again develop.

Also, I appreciate that I've never mentioned what league he was in at the start of the book, mainly because I haven't got a clue. Plus being in the NHL works for Jax.

I want this to be different, this will work for them I promise but they need a storm. At least one more time.

Love you

-Cami <3