Rusty

- Chapter 37 -

Desirae

I needed to get out, I wasn't drunk I didn't drink anything last night. But I wasn't going to tell Jax that, I can't fucking tell him anything apparently.

Chloe is adamant on seeing me today, she won't let me get away with this.

"I've got to go." I tell him again, I don't know why I'm pissed at him exactly. Chloe said she knows something and he knows too. He won't tell me, apparently she doesn't know the reason. It's my job to get that out of him.

I don't know if I can, I think she overestimates me.

"Okay, be safe, baby." He smiles at me and leaves a small kiss on my forehead, I really, really can't be mad at him forever. "I will."

"You okay?" He asks suddenly, shit. I turn around to face him again, "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" Liar.

He knows I'm lying, I can see it on his face. "Liar."

"Why do you think I'm lying?" I raise my eyebrow at him, slightly tilting my head to the side. "No reason." He shrugs his shoulders, weird.

"I'll be home soon." I smile at him, he smiles back softly. I'm folding, so badly. I wanted to be mad at him so badly, I still don't know what I was mad at him for. I guess I'm going to find out.

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"Hey." Chloe's smiling, sympathetically. It scares me, she'd look at me like that when we'd go to her house and she'd snitched on me. No way she's snitched on me? "Hey."

"What's up?"

"Can we sit down?" She gestures towards a table, "Hold on, what's this about." I ask her, I've been overthinking this. Maybe a little too much.

"I want us to sit down, okay?"

"Okay, we can sit down." She smiles again, she sits down first. I have to admit this cafe is so pretty. I feel like it matches her aesthetic perfectly. "So, what's going on. What is he not telling me?"

She sighs, "It's nothing bad about him, it's about your family." That makes this tons better. Why are they always a conversation topic. "So?"

"He found out something that you've never been told."

"Please just tell me, don't make this a crime documentary." I sigh, running my hand through the front of my hair. She rolls her eyes, "You're an organ donor baby." You're taking the piss out of me. "Shut up, you're lying."

"Desirae, I'm not. He knows. You were only born for your sister." Of course I was.

"How did you know?"

"I asked Jordan, Jax found out because we were talking about it." Why didn't he tell me? "Are you sure you don't know why he hasn't told me?" She shakes her head at me and I slouch back in the chair.

I don't know how I would have liked to find this out, not from my parents. I would have abandoned them myself. But it really does make sense now, why they didn't care about me after a certain point. Why they cared about her, she was sick enough for me to be worthless to them.

"I'm so sorry."

"Why didn't you or Jordan tell me?"

"We were going to, trust me. But after we realised he knew we just figured he would tell you. He obviously didn't." Why? Why didn't he tell me, surely that's something I should know.

"I've got to go, I can't be here." I grab my bag off the floor and start to get up.

"Desirae, please. Don't shut me out." She's kidding, you have to be kidding me. "Are you kidding? Why shouldn't I? You should have told me, not rely on him. That's not fair."

"Please call me?" Nope.

"Okay." I'm not.

I have some confronting to do. I don't know how to go about this, I want to give him the silent treatment so badly. That's not how this works, we sort our issues out. At least I thought so.

When I get to my car, I hesitate before turning it on. I don't know if I want to go straight home, I need to take my mind off this. But I can't run away from my problems, it doesn't help. So, I turn on the gps and go home. I still don't know what to do.

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"Jax, we need to talk. Now." I shout when I walk in, he hasn't left to go anywhere. His cars still here, unless he's walking Livia. Nope, she's here. "Hey, baby." I smile and she runs over to me, I've missed her so much. I haven't seen her in two days, we've never been apart this long.

When I look up again he's there, at the top of the stairs. "Talk about what?"

"You know what." I can see his expression drop immediately, "Sit." I demand, pointing towards the couch.

"Desirae? What's going on?" You know, you liar.

We got married yesterday, what's going on? It shouldn't be like this, maybe we weren't meant to get married. Shit, I really shouldn't be saying that. I don't regret it at all, please don't mix up what I'm saying. I love him, so much. This isn't right though, this shouldn't be happening. Not this early.

I sit down first, letting Livia rest her head on my lap. He sits far enough from me, not too far though. "Please tell me what's going on." He looks so cute right now.

Please I wish I could stop these thoughts.

"You knew, you didn't tell me?" He looks so guilty, literally as soon as I say it. "You knew about why I was born. You didn't tell me."

"Desi, please. I didn't tell you for a reason. I wouldn't purposely keep something like that from you."

"Tell me then, tell me. What's this so important reason." Why wont anyone fucking tell me anything anymore.

"You have to believe me Desi, I was only looking out for you." Bullshit, "When I heard them talking about it I didn't believe them at all. I confronted them, they had begged me not to tell you."

Now it's times like these that make me wonder who to trust, do I trust my family who let's put it this way are a bunch of lying assholes anyways. Or my husband, shit I'm never going get get used to saying that.

"They begged you?"

"Yes, they begged me to keep it from you. Jordan was surprised at the wedding that I hadn't told you. I've wanted to so badly but I know you care for Jordan and I wasn't about to take that away from you. As much as I hate them it's not fair on you." He really does hate them, I think even that's putting it lightly.

"You didn't want to ruin my relationship with Jordan? That's it?" Wow, that's a fucking great way to put it you asshole.

"I guess so, I know your relationships with the rest of your family aren't great so I didn't want to ruin the last few you had."

I'm glad he's looking out for me in that sense, I'm not ungrateful. But I think given the situation it's something you tell me? It's a very serious thing, I can't control it of course. But it would've been nice to know before I got married not the day after.

"Thanks for not lying to me." I reach out to him and grab his hand lightly, holding it in mine. "Always." He looks at our hands and then looks back at me.

"Your still so fucking cheesy."

"Whatever."