Rusty

- Chapter 25 -

Desirae

"Your taking it?" I ask him, from a distance. I don't think I want him touching me right now.

"Im so sorry, Desi." He apologises again, I get it. I do. He's good an amazing opportunity I'd be insane if I told him not to take it.

"I'm proud of you, Jax. You're finally getting what you worked for." I'm trying to smile at him to reassure him, it's not working his disappointment is plastered all over his face. 

He looks me straight in the eyes, "It's not worth it if you're not there, everything I do is for you, Desi."

"Jax, please." I plead with him.

"I need you there, please. I know it's a lot to ask, but you are everything to me. I can't do it without you."

My eyes are pooling with tears, I refuse to let them go it's not fair. Not on me and not on him. "I'm not going to hold you back, Jax. That's not fair" The more I speak the more hurt he looks, he looks more defeated every time I see him.

"Desirae, I've lost you before. I can't do it again." He tries to reach out for me but immediately takes his hand back. 

I sigh, I look at my ring again for a second. I don't second guess myself. I wouldn't ever regret this, we work. We really do. We can't make long distance work, too many people break up because of it.

"Jax." I sigh again, I'm exhausted mentally. I hate fighting, I don't want to fight with him, we're supposed to get married. "I don't know." I tell him, it's not what he wants to hear and it's not what I want to tell him.

I move closer to him and grab his hand and hold it in mine for a moment, I'm trying to reestablish to feeling I had with his touch literally one week ago.  

"I love you, we need to make this work. Long distance won't work for us." I'm not looking at him, instead I'm looking at our hands. I don't want to move, not right now.

"I know, Desi, I know." He says, resting his forehead on mine.

"We need stability, we're still to shaky." I whisper.

"What do you want, Desi?" He asks me, he is significantly calmer now.

I rest my head on his chest, trying to calm myself down too. "We need to get married. Soon." I tell him, I don't move my head so I don't see his expression. I'm far to comfortable here, I don't want to move.

"I know, give me a few months please." He begs me, I don't want to agree with him. I want stability now, what does he have planned?

"Why?"

He holds me tighter, "We want a wedding, you know that. But there's another issue, your ring." He says, moving one of his hands to my ring finger.

"My ring is perfect, what's wrong with it?" I look up at him.

"It's not what you deserve, you deserve something better. That was never your real ring." He admits and takes it off my finger, I look at my finger and it just looks bare.

"Close your eyes, I don't want you to see it yet." I smile at him and close my eyes, he notices me peaking and when I do he stops. "Stop peaking!" He says, laughing at me.

I hear a box opening and closing, meaning the new ring is out the box. I feel it slip onto my finger, it has more weight to it then my old one did.

"Can I look yet?" I ask him in anticipation.

"Yes." He says, smiling at me when I open my eyes. I take a moment to look at him, before I look at my new ring.

"I just want everything to be perfect, for you." He whispers.