Rusty

- Chapter 33 -

Desirae

So, yeah we're getting married. Literally in a week, I don't even have a dress. You'd think I'd be organised but I've been busy flying our families and friends out. And booking them hotels. Normally they would pick, pay and book their own hotels. But this is very last minute and I feel bad.

I sent my mom an invite but I never heard anything back. I'm not bothered, Jax is happy she hasn't responded. Normally I would be too but it's my wedding y'know? Which is why I feel nothing towards her right now.

She argued again on the phone when she got home, she was telling me all about how marrying Jax was a mistake. Now that I look at it, that's probably why she isn't coming.

So me, Lila, Celia and Jax's mom are going to get my wedding dress. If I was talking to my younger self she'd be so surprised but so pissed that her own mother wouldn't come to her wedding dress fitting even though we had talked about it for years.

I also booked the venue yesterday, it's perfect. I'm just so excited to get married to him. This is everything I've ever wanted. Whether my family is there to witness it or not.

"This shop it so pretty!" Lila squeals, I've missed her so much we haven't seen each other in over 6 months. "Isn't it? It's the last one that had availability but it's perfect."

I know what I want, preferably it would have either no sleeves or off the shoulder sleeves. I want a mermaid fit, I think? I'm not sure, I might get a poofy dress if it fits me better.

The shop is decorated with tulips, my favourites. They are definitely going to be in my bouquet. Actually Jax bought me some before he left, they are so pretty and are now the focal point of the living room. Tulips are just so colourful and bright they just make me happy.

"Hi, are you Desirae?" The worker asks, I nod at her and she smiles, "I'm Clare and I'll let you today!"

"Thank you so much for letting me in on short notice." I apologise, it's been eating away at me all day I feel so bad for just taking up her free time. "No worries, come through here!" She walks towards a room with a few couches and a tray with wine on it. I don't mind if I do.

"I'll give you all a minute to settle, I'll be back shortly." She smiles at us and she shuts the door behind her. "Thank you all so much for coming." I tell them, lifting my glass to start a toast.

"Don't worry about it, babe." Lila says, Celia nods in agreement. Both hugging me at the same time. I look over to Lydia, she's crying and I feel so bad for her. "Hey, don't cry." I smile at her while laughing a little. 

"I'm so happy he found you." She smiles, wiping her face. "I am too." I'm clinging on to her, I wish my mom would act like this towards me.

"Are we ready?" Clare asks as she peaks her head around the door. "Absolutely." I say, following her towards the main floor of the store. They have so many pretty dresses, the ones they have on display are pretty. But not what I'm looking for.

"So, do you have anything in mind?" She asks, looking around the racks. "Yes, actually I have a few pictures." She raises her eyebrows and comes towards me, "May I?" I nod and hand her my phone.

"This one, we have something similar." She says, handing my phone back and heading to the racks at the front of the store. I look at one the one she's gone to see it's one of my first picks. I picked 10 pictures. I'm not trying 10 dresses on, that's too extra. I'd like to find the one within like the first 3 I try on. That's not realistic but y'know a girl can dream.

"I'll hang this up, but I'll let you look around for some more you like." She smiles and heads towards the changing rooms, looking around I get a good idea of other dresses they have. Not what I want but they are pretty. It makes me think of what I could have if my daughter was born.

I picked 3 other dresses, I want to wear the one Clare picked last. Since she said it was close to what I want. I can't wait to show them, I've dreamed of getting married since I was little. I've had a wedding pinterest boards for ages. Jax has definitely found it by 'accident', multiple times.

I leave my laptop on the coffee table a lot.

"Are you okay? Need any help?" Clare asks from outside the curtain, "Please, I can't fasten it." I hear her laugh at me, clearly this happens a lot, "There you go!" She says. "Let's go show them!" She helps me walk out of the changing room, she's holding the train as I walk.

I take a deep breath before I enter the room, I want to find the dress. I know I will eventually, I just hope it's today. "Desirae, oh my GOD." Lila squeals, again. I laugh at her, I swear I'm going to have awful stomach ache after this. "Like it?" I can't see it yet, I'm not facing a mirror.

"Yes!" Celia says, hugging Lila. His mom looks happy, but not like excited. Honestly I don't either, this isn't what I want. "Can I turn around yet?" I ask excitedly, even though I know I don't like how this fits it doesn't mean I can't look.

"Go for it." Clare says, so I do. The top of the dress is so, so pretty. But the bottom of it isn't something I'd want. It makes my hips look so wide.

"That's not the one is it?" Lydia noticed straight away, I know my face dropped a little but I didn't think it'd be enough to notice. "No, the top of it is stunning, I think I just want a less big bottom half." Lydia smiles and me and nods. The way she knew makes me want to cry so bad, Lila and Celia didn't notice. But she did, it may be because she's a mom. But she's not my mom, that's what's confusing.

"I may try on the one you picked now." I tell Clare, stepping off the steps I was standing on. She picks up the train again letting me walk out.

Even on the hanger this dress is amazing, I really hope it looks the same on me. "It's stunning." I say, Clare is loosening the dress. "Isn't it?" She smiles at me when I turn around.

"One minute, I'll need help again." I laugh, she does too and walks out the changing room. I take it off the hanger carefully, I really, really don't want to damage this dress. I step into it and pull it up me. It's off the shoulder and the perfect shape. "Do you need help now?"

"Yes, please." 

I can't wait to see how the react to this one, this is so perfect and I haven't even seen it yet. (On me.)

"Desi! Wait." Celia demands, "Jax is facetiming his mom!" Really? Wrong time.

I hear him literally freak out, I did tell him it was today I just didn't tell him when. "I'll just walk around, so he doesn't see me." 

"Quickly!" Bitch, I can't run right now. But I can try. There isn't really a train on this so it is easy to move, "Bitch! I'm in a wedding dress. I can't be fucking quick." Celia laughs, Lila is covering the camera on the phone. I don't run I just speed walk around the couch.

"Alright we're good." I hear him complain that he can't see, his mom is shushing him while I look at myself in the reflection. "It's perfect, it really is." I say, my eyes tearing up immediately.

"Don't cry, Des." Lila laughs, hugging me from behind. I rest my head on hers and wrap my arm around her shoulders. "It's a happy cry, promise." I smile at her.

Lydia looks so happy, she's trying to keep a straight face because Jax is so damn persistent on seeing her reaction. "Bye." She doesn't let him respond, she just hangs up. She rolls her eyes and looks at me and starts crying.

"Lydia stop, please I'll cry more." She comes over to me and Lila steps away so we can have a moment, I'm still shaky because of my leg. I don't have a bulky cast anymore luckily. It'll be completely gone by the wedding. It wasn't broken severely.

"It looks so great on you, Desirae." She smiles, pulling me in for a deep hug. Honestly, she feels like she needs it more then I do. Trust me though, I do need one of her hugs right now. "Thank you, Lydia. For everything." I tell her quietly, I wanted this to be a private moment but honestly, it's the right time.

"For when you took me in and was a better mother then mine could ever be." I tell her resting my head on her shoulder, she strokes my hair and lets me cry into her shoulder. "You're like the daughter I never had." What?

Come again?

"What about Amber?"

"It doesn't matter, Desirae. Enjoy this day."

That is impossible now, what does she mean? Has she left Amber too? I'm like the daughter she never had. How?