How to Survive South Park

Butterflies and Busting Balls

"Welcome... to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!"

This place is just as majestic as I remember it being, which isn't very majestic. Cartman then starts giving the tour and introduces the warriors currently present which are Clyde, Scott, and Kenny. He continues his spiel and tells- wait, wait back up for a second.

'Holy shit... Kenny!'

NETHERBORN!!!

I completely forgot about that option! The Netherborn class in the Casa Bonita DLC of Fractured but Whole is a really good all-rounder superhero class with good offense, defense, and healing abilities.

Not to mention the powers are actually real which I can't confirm for the other classes in TFBW since they seem to be make believe using toys and people's imagination which doesn't work unless you're in Imaginationland.

Getting those powers now would be an absolute godsend, but there are two major issues with that plan. First of all, I don't know if Kenny can turn other people into Netherborns at this point. Secondly, if he can, I would have to actually convince him to turn me into one.

The first problem hopefully isn't an issue since it's been years since the superhero trilogy happened assuming the episodes in the show actually happened on or close to their corresponding release dates, so Kenny should have a good grasp on his powers by now.

Convincing him to grant them to me is the main issue since in canon, he gave that power to the New Kid to help him fight against the vamp kids in order to save Karen. We aren't even playing superheroes, much less trying to save his sister right now, so I need another excuse.

A crazy thought then pops up in my head, one that could either save my ass or completely screw me over.

'Should I tell him the truth about me?'

On the one hand, him believing me shouldn't be an issue since crazy stuff happens in South Park all the time so as long as I give some proof (which I have plenty of in the form of fanboy knowledge).

On the other hand, if this secret gets discovered by, say, Eric Cartman, that could end up being a major, world-ending problem.

I continue looking over the pros and cons as Cartman finishes up his speech and eventually decided to go for it. Let's get the possibly eldritch ten year old blond immortal in on this bullshit.

Kenny is a good guy, trustworthy, a great superhero, and really fucking reliable when you need him to be and having a guy on the inside helping me out would make things much easier for me in the long run.

Unfortunately, with me choosing this path to go down, another problem pops up. During SOT, the New Kid is technically never alone with Kenny.

Butters is the New Kid's first buddy and he and Kenny become a set as soon as the New Kid sets out to save Craig and it stays like that through the rest of the game. I need to get him alone somehow without looking suspicious.

I start to come up with a plan as I head towards Cartman and he goes on about how I am needed by him to save the world and totally not because he needs another slave.

"It's time for your first quest, but first - please tell us thy name."

"Dovahkiin."

"You said "Douchebag". Is that correct?"

"No. DO-VAH-KIIN!"

"Are you sure you want to keep the name, "Douchebag"?"

"You are dead set on doing this, aren't you?"