How to Survive South Park

The Trio of Terrors

"...Why?"

That's all the Exalted Agent can get out as he watches the slaughter.

"Why what, Stanley? Why am I doing this? Why wasn't I complacent in my own timeline? Why go this far?"

He's always hated having to do this; taking down alternate versions of his special one, the love of his life. But he has a job to do and a responsibility to maintain.

"That device you merged with, that Trapper Keeper; It's destroying you, Wendy, just like how it's destroying Dovah. Why do you think so few people wield it in the first place?"

"Oh quit pretending to be concerned, Stan. We both know you just want to kill me and be done with it. I don't fit into your little agenda and-"

"It isn't your fault that things changed! If it wasn't for Dovah interfering with your timeline, then-"

"DOVAH SAVED ME, STAN!" The new terror roars before going eerily quiet.

A slight chuckle then escapes her lips as wires begin slithering out of her.

"Heh... heheheh... I got to learn about my future, you know? What was in store for dear old Wendy Testaburger once the superhero games were over. Even if the covid future was fixed, even if you and your posse went back in time to correct one of your many fuckups - something you people prevent everyone else from doing, might I add - things didn't get better for me.

No... all that awaits me in the future is replacing your fucking father as PC PRINCIPAL'S LITTLE BITCH!!! Can you even imagine how that felt, Stan? Learning that despite everything you've done, everything you've accomplished as a person and a leader, that it wouldn't FUCKING matter because you were destined to become a SUBMISSIVE SHELL of your old self?!"

Stan can't even argue back because he knows she's right. He knows what happens in baseline or 'canon' as Dovah calls it.

Season 25 Episode 1, "Pajama Day". Wendy doesn't fight back or stand up for herself despite the PC frat bro shoving all his problems onto her. No, she just accepts it and follows along like a good little minion.

She could've asked for help. Hell, she did ask Cartman for help, but only because PC Principal ordered her to for his own plans to fix his fuckup. Cartman fought back against PC Principal in season 19 and won; she could've asked him to do that again, but no.

You could argue that was quite OOC for Wendy considering her personality, but that doesn't change what happened.

No...

"DOVAH CHANGED THAT! HE STOPPED THAT FAT FUCKER CARTMAN AND SAVED OUR TOWN, BUT GOD FOR-FUCKING-BID YOU PEOPLE LET ANYONE BESIDES THOSE YOU BRAINWASHED DO SOMETHING EVEN REMOTELY HEROIC!

YOU TRIED TURNING ME AGAINST HIM TO SUIT YOUR FUCKING AGENDA, BUT GUESS WHAT? YOU FAILED! EVEN IF YOU KILLED DOVAH BACK THEN, IT WOULDN'T HAVE CHANGED ANYTHING!... I would've just taken his place, and be even angrier at you."

Stan knows that, and he knows that there's no going back for this Wendy Testaburger. The rings that formed around her glowing blue pupils now, just like back when they formed on Wendy's eyes during the end of season 1, represent a physical manifestation of the madness within her.

"...I'm sorry, Wendy, but that's just how things are supposed to go. I know that PC Principal is supposed to destroy your self-esteem... I know that ChatGPT turns the Stan in your world and many others into a lying asshole soon after... but I still have faith that things will naturally get better without any interference from other timelines."