How to Survive South Park

Out of Order

I ended up just relaxing in my room the rest of the day. I kind of needed it after getting next to no sleep along with nearly dying for the last three days in a row.

Timmy brought over some food for me so I didn't even bother leaving my room. I pretty much spent the day processing what happened in the last 3 days and convincing myself that yes, I'm seriously still here and this isn't some fucked up dream or drug trip.

At least I don't have to worry about college anymore. I only need to worry about living through apocalypses, retarded celebrities, and the evil plans of a fat ten year old now.

As I lie in bed, I try to process everything that happened over the last few days. So I'm stuck in South Park as the New Kid aka Dovahkiin, ok. Got it. Morgan Freeman was responsible for that and since then, he has only appeared once, which was after I crashed the visitor's ship and he came with some other guys who seemed to know my predicament as well.

Are Freeman and those guys gods or something? Also, I still haven't found out just why I was sent here since SOMEONE refused to show up at the end of Stick of Truth and explain shit like they were supposed to. I ate the burrito, sure, but he recommended it to me and also copy-pasted his taco shop into my home reality.

And don't even get me started on the can of worms that were those visions at the end of my fight with Kenny. I don't even know what the fuck was happening there besides complete and utter mayhem. Not a single one seemed to be a scene taken directly from the show despite the locations being similar which just makes them that much harder to understand.

Maybe Timmy can understand what those were better? He looked through my mind already and has all my memories now. I'll have to ask him about it when I get the chance.

Speaking of my mind, I wonder if the New Kid who I'm inhabiting is still in there somewhere? Is he just chilling out in the corner of my consciousness or something? If he is there, I wouldn't know because the kid doesn't talk.

Oh well, if he is in there and has something to say, then so be it. Let him speak his mind. I would be interested in hearing what he thinks of all of this.

The next day rolls around and I find myself walking over to my new school. Yaaaaay. Can you feel the sarcasm?

I don't bother going to what's probably the most well known cartoon bus stop in my old world since I'd rather not be around Team Stan for reasons I mentioned previously.

'I can't even imagine the insurance policy this town has. I'm surprised they even have access to insurance at all after all these years.' I think while staring at the school that shows no signs of being a two time warzone in the last few days.

Now I've seen my fair share of fanfiction involving this show and while practically all of it is completely unrealistic, even for South Park standards, it did give me some pointers on what NOT to do during school here.

(("You can say that again. I felt the need to bleach my brain after looking through the fan content you've browsed over the years. Even Cartman's journal in TFBW is tame compared to-")) Thank you for the unnecessary commentary, Timmy. Now please go away.

When it comes to my time at South Park and South Park Elementary School in particular, I'm going to just avoid drama like the plague. Changing the plots of various future episodes will be enough of a headache for me, thanks. I'll just stick with Team Craig like I planned to earlier as they tend to avoid most of that crap here. If I wanted crazy ass drama and adventures all the time, I would stick to Team Stan like glue but that's not how I roll. I choose life.