How to Survive South Park

Stalked by an Angel

"Okay, this should only feel like a second for you. I'll turn you back on as soon as T.K. is done with the upgrades; you ready?"

"Y-Yeah, I think so." Zenon finished collecting the shopping list of shit T.K. needed to upgrade him as much as andriodidly possible. He had to 'commandeer' a few visitor ships, go back into the future, and pay a visit to the Canadian Devil, Crab King, and Mecha Streisand among other familiar fucked-up looking faces, but it should all be worth it once he's done.

With the new upgrades and energy Tenorman gave him, he rivaled me before I started Tenorman's revenge so he should become monstrously powerful once this newest round of improvements are done.

Zenon also finished getting the stuff needed to make a new and improved Dragonsbane while he was at it which T.K. is also working on now. That little project is also getting a few personal contributions of my own.

It was nice having King Douchebag's scepter and hammer while it lasted, but they'll be going into something far better now. I'm really looking forward to getting my new weapon back and can barely sit still just thinking about it. I need to lay low though as the patrollers should at least have some idea of how powerful I am now regardless of all my cover-ups.

"Just sit tight, you guys. I'll be back eventually and make Butters envy ManBearPig when I lost it on him back then." Kenny, Timmy, Karen, Tricia, and everyone else I've grown to care about in my world. I'll come back and save you eventually, I promise.

(("Host, we've got a problem.")) What is it?

(("For starters, I was kicked out of their mainframe in only a few minutes and I could barely get any data from them due to all the security measures in place. Also, I was kicked out by what was most likely another Trapper Keeper."))

You're kidding me. Is the Time Patrol a multiversal version of Skynet or something?

(("Warning, time portals detected near your location.")) Come again?

A monstrous energy suddenly snaps me out of my confusion and I quickly hide the cave where Zenon and my weapon are under construction.

'Don't tell me the fucking Time Patrol caught up already! It hasn't even been a day since I left that alternate SOT timeline!... They must have tracked our location by tracing where T.K. was coming from. Is this a fucking extermination squad or something?'

I know native South Parkers can get strong; really strong. I helped a regular Kenny and Timmy become powerful enough to fight ManBearPig after all, but this is just ridiculous. T.K. is picking up that one of the guys in this group is a Wendy Testaburger who can probably beat up a full-power Satan in hell right now!

Fucking multiverse bullshit.

'You think we can plant a Time Bomb without them noticing?'

(("It's very unlikely even if we had the time to do so, and if we did, that would clue them in on how dangerous we are. Relying on them underestimating us is our best bet right now."))

'God damnit.'

I make sure to meet them halfway to hopefully avoid tipping them off about Zenon and it isn't long before I meet the latest batch of time cops out to get me because reasons.

'T.P. #1 seems to be Tolkien if he really went the cyborg route, T.P. #2 is... is that fucking Josh?'

Sure enough, Josh (the toilet paper kid) is there wearing a costume that looks similar to Hanta Seros from MHA, biological tape quirk part of him included, and has a big, fat smirk on his face as he stares me down.