How to Survive South Park

Eyes, Ears, and Crutches Everywhere

Dovah's POV:

So apparently, Cartman went fucking ballistic last night and ended the Mecha Minion before it got to it's final phase. Never knew the guy had it in him.

U-Stor-It was in chaos last night due to that battle going much differently than in canon. Yet another thing I likely saw a glimpse of during the final battle in Stick of Truth. I really need to try and remember those distortions better because on top of most of them being things that probably should be avoided, they are also one of the only clues I have to whatever the bigger picture going on is.

Anyway, day three starts with a regular school day (In South Park standards) followed by the teams going to Cartman's house to interrogate Butters. I spied on them during Butters' crackdown and he revealed the same stuff as in canon with Cartman never bringing up Mitch Connor as a suspect which kind of surprised me. Was it because the Freedom Pals were there too?

Well, I'm not too concerned about a little change of plans from him. Whatever he decides to do can't be more terrifying than Timmy teaching Karen how to craft bombs from kitchen appliances.

"Yes Karen, I know you love ice cream, but we are not having it for breakfast." Speaking of the eldritch bean, Kenny and Timmy are busy with TFBW day 3 superhero shit which left me to be her babysitter for the time being since I'm not really 'playing'.

"Why not, Dovah?"

"I told you why 5 times already. You haven't forgotten the answer, you just don't like it."

"But Kenny said that ice creams was good for the soul!" What the hell happened to those two making my life easier? I swear Kenny and Timmy are just fucking with me at this point.

Don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed at the fact that she's starting to come out of her shell more and just be less afraid overall but decreasing in meekness apparently means increasing in sassiness for her.

"Kenny says a lot of things and it may be good for your soul but it's awful for everything else. If Kenny's body didn't reset whenever he died, he would have long since gotten a visit from Tooth Decay." Along with well over a dozen STDs but that's neither here nor there.

Also yes, Tooth Decay is a real guy here. Well, more like a monster that's supposed to be a stone statue now thanks to Ike in season 15's "Royal Pudding" but I'd rather not take any chances.

"Kenny can kick Tooth Decay's ass and so can you, big bro! I know you can! So can I have some ice creams now?"

"Karen, you can't solve every problem by kicking someone's ass."

"I know. You can also rewind them out of existence with your time farts. Also also, you can just rewind my teeth after I finish eating so I don't get Tooth Decay!"

"I'm glad you're coming up with creative ways to use superpowers but you're still not getting ice cream for breakfast. Either you eat the eggs and bacon I made for you or you don't get ice cream for the rest of the week."

Karen grumbles for a bit before relenting and eating her non-ice cream breakfast in bitter defeat. Curse you Kenny for forcing me to be the bad guy.

Now, where was I? Oh, right. The teams then go their separate ways and I'm not sure how Cartman's going to learn about the police raid now that he doesn't have a spy in Freedom Pals but I'm sure he'll come up with something.

Speaking of the police raid, I headed over to the cave underneath the station again earlier today after I got Karen to school and checked on the Outer God living in the station's basement.

Shub-Niggurath hasn't made a peep since Freeman one-shotted her and the police think they did something to anger her. They've been chucking tons of black people down the hole to repent or some shit which I'm just going to let Coon and Friends and Freedom Pals handle. A pouting Karen is tough enough, thank you very much.