Alex has been looking for a sign from the universe. A sign to tell him that he needs to keep fighting. To live on for his brother who died in a tragic car accident.
When Alex stumbles across a man in town wearing a blindfold, holding a sign that say...
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I hide my body because explaining my scars to strangers or people who don't even remotely care about me is exhausting. I did it once, I'll never do it again. Not unless I trust the person with my whole heart.
And in this case, I trust Alex more than anyone.
I know for a fact that if our relationship with dating goes any further, our clothing will start to get removed at some point. Deep down I knew I had to address this to Alex first because it wouldn't be fair to surprise him with my scars, not when he's healing from his own mental health.
Triggering him is the last thing I want to do.
But I trust him. I trust him to see me in my most vulnerable state. I trust him to not ask inappropriate questions or pressure me into answers. If anyone might understand how I was feeling back then, it would be Alex.
He latches onto me in a tight hug, not letting go. It's been minutes, long minutes of safety and support. I've always loved hugs from Alex, they're different from anyone else because they feel real.
Alex's head nuzzles into my shoulder. He doesn't ask me why, he doesn't ask me how, he just lets me be with him for a few moments and I appreciate it more than I realise.
I haven't spoken about my body, about my past, about my father to anyone that isn't my sister in forever. It's been years.
He pulls back slowly and takes my face between his soft hands, tears now evident in his eyes but they don't fall down his cheeks. "I wish I knew what to say, River," he murmurs and then closes his eyes. "I'm worried I'll say the wrong thing."
My head shakes. "You could never say the wrong thing to me."
Alex's grey eyes flutter open once more and he sucks in a slow breath. "I-I don't know if this is an invitation to talk about it or if you just wanted to show me and never speak about it but I am here for you, River. Out of all those times you've been there for me, I think it's time to be there for you."
I lower my head and the corner of my lip twitches. "This happened a very long time ago," I say. "I don't feel this way about myself anymore but it took a long time to get where I am now. So I am mentally stable, I've worked through a lot of shit to get out on the other end. I am okay, Alex."
He studies me, flicking his eyes between mine. It takes him a few moments to digest my words but his throat clenches. "But even if you have your bad days, down days, whatever. I am here for you, I want to be there for you. I don't want you to think that I can't handle it because of what's going on with me, I can be emotionally intelligent to also support you whilst having my own struggles."
"I know," I cup his cheek this time. "I know."
"Scars don't define a person," Alex whispers to me. "It's about what's inside that matters."
I flick my thumb across his jaw gently. "Wise words."
Alex drops his hand and takes my vacant one instead. At this point I'm still shirtless, I'm only ever shirtless alone or with my sister, or with Troy. Mason, Demi and Luca don't know about this. It's not that I don't trust them, it's that it's never come up in conversation.
