41. all lies

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It's been two weeks since they made arrests for Liam's murder

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It's been two weeks since they made arrests for Liam's murder. I can barely count the days because I have no idea what I'm really doing. I wake up, I go to work, I come home. Repeat. It's mind numbing–in a good way. It keeps me distracted so I don't think of Liam, of the three people arrested, of River.

River. My heart clenches in my chest and I shut my eyes.

Not again. I've gone thirty minutes without thinking about him and now I'm back to square one. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm defeated. I wish things could go back to normal, I wish Liam was still here, I wish River didn't lie.

I try to focus on making the dishes in front of me. I've fucked up too many times this week and I know William is watching me but I don't want to be sat at home. I need to be doing something to keep me sane or I'll lose it.

At six o'clock William says I can leave a little early. I burnt my hand on the fryer and had to get someone to patch up the burn and disinfect it. It's definitely not been my best day but it's certainly not been my worst. Somewhere in the middle. Always shit.

My dad invited me down this weekend and I agreed because I have literally nothing better to do. I've been trying to avoid River because I know seeing him will make everything ten times harder but he hasn't knocked on my door or messaged me, he's actually left me alone and I hate that my heart sinks–even though that's what I asked for.

I can't even think straight. My mind feels like a London motorway. No one knows what the fuck is going on and quite frankly, it's dangerous as hell.

When I greet my father later that evening, I'm beyond relieved to be in the company of someone else. Natasha greets me and we speak about our days. I try to smile but I can't. I'm pretty much dead inside.

My dad makes us all a late dinner and we sit around the kitchen table and eat. Natasha speaks to my dad but I focus on my plate because I don't know if I can speak right now, my brain feels like mush and I need a good night's sleep more than anything.

Natasha cleans the table away when we're finished, leaving me and my dad alone for a few moments. He grips my wrist gently and I glance up at him through my heavy eyes. "So, I need to talk to you, Alex. I found out some information today and it changes a lot of things."

I blink rapidly even though my eyes feel as sore as hell but I want to listen. My dad is the point of call for everything for the investigation and court build up and we both want these people to go down for what they did.

"Changes what?"

He leans forward and I watch him carefully. "I've been in contact with the investigator of the case," he pauses and I remain still. "The accusations of Liam sleeping with women in relationships, trying to destroy families. Well they believe that it was a rumour that got out of hand."

"What?" I shoot forward in my chair, pressing my palms flat to the table.

"They said they were trying to get more information out of the suspects, anything to help build the case in our favour. One of them cracked and said that Liam accidentally slept with a woman who had a boyfriend and the girl who he slept with, she liked Liam and the boyfriend took it to heart." He explains gently. "Couldn't deal with the jealousy."

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