Better Not Be Love

Entry No : 364

Brave is no longer alive. I swear I nearly dropped the coffee cup I was holding when I heard Carla chatting with Brenda about the death of a puppy at River's place. She had been treating it for so long that I was hoping it would live. I even spotted her playing with it outdoors often, and I could tell River loved it.

Carla hinted that it died due to unintentional neglect, since River was preoccupied with the filming and her assistant was out of town in the event of an emergency. She must be feeling terrible. And when I asked Carla if the woman was upset, she claimed that River was doing well and didn't appear to be depressed. Yet something told me that wasn't the case. I am planning to check on her after writing this.

....................

My handwriting looks awful right now because I can't stop shaking. I went to spy on her discreetly but found myself cradling River in my arms. I never imagined in my wildest fantasies that I would become someone who would console her in the future. She was pretending as if Brave's death didn't bother her, but I knew otherwise.

I triggered her memories of him, and soon she broke down in tears. I couldn't bear the image of her being so frail, so I embraced her from behind. My brain had completely shut down, and all I could think of was being a support to her, so I acted upon my instincts.

I had considered her to be a superhuman and idolized her for years, but suddenly her imperfections were exposed, and I must have gone insane, but I was falling in love with her flaws. She displayed her softer side, something I wished to cherish. I despised the possibility of other people seeing her in this position. I hoped to be the only one who saw this part of her. Was I being unreasonable? Of course I was, but I didn't care right now.

We huddled together until she quieted down, and she must have been humiliated because she shoved me and scurried back to her house. However, she thanked me before going in. When I saw her bloodshot eyes and swollen face, I thought my heart had ceased to beat. If only I could wipe away all of her suffering.

I sat on the muddy ground for God knows how long before coming back.

Lewis, my roommate, looked at me with skepticism, and I just shrugged off his concerns. I can't concentrate on anything as my mind is distracted by her devastated face. She would be having trouble sleeping today. How much I wish I could take care of her.

Nonetheless, I know I am being greedy. I hugged her in my arms after admiring her from a distance for so long. This was all I could ask for. But I can't help being ambitious. It's two in the morning, and I can't sleep. Maybe I should take a walk around her house, just to make sure that she is okay.

Yup, I should.

................

Don't forget to vote and comment...