Better Not Be Love

CHAPTER 27 - IMPULSES

"Have they completed the mall work?"

Eugene queried after a while, and this time his speech was more stable. He went on gently massaging my head, and even though it made every part of my body tense up from the excitement, I was experiencing a level of comfort I hadn't known existed before. It felt perfect. I had a sense of being part of something. Even if I didn't make a lot of physical contact with others, it was irrelevant at the time. This wasn't unsettling at all.

"Hmmmm."

I moaned while savoring his scent, which was laced with body wash and water.

"You didn't get much sleep last night, did you?"

He asked once more while flexing his fingers on my upper arm.

"I took a little nap. Right, how are you today? Any pain? How's the cough?"

I demanded, suddenly remembering that he was the patient. I missed the closeness as I pushed him a little too hastily, guilty for not thinking of his health before.

"Why did you go to the washroom alone? You could have lost your balance and hit your head."

He listened patiently as I reprimanded him and instructed him to sit on the bed before he started feeling dizzy. Eugene only looked at me after he was covered in the comforter.

"Come on, I already feel awful for making you go through all that. Do you realize how ashamed I was when I recalled everything that you did for me?"

Eugene was blushing hard and avoided my eyes, yet I was relieved that he was willing to be honest with me rather than trying to hide his genuine feelings.

"Oh, please! It's not as though I haven't seen naked men before. I work in the freaking film industry."

I remarked as a matter of fact, and I am not entirely sure whether it was something I said or did, but it seemed that the smile on his face wavered for a moment. Maybe he's thinking how much of a pervert I am. My mind did a reverse, suddenly wanting to bring back that glint in his eyes.

"And yet I must admit that you are the first guy I have taken care of, apart from my own family. The only men I have helped during sick times are my father, my older cousin, and now you."

Eugene smiled broadly, his face a mix of delight and pride? I am unclear as to why I felt the need to explain myself, but nevertheless, it seemed essential all of a sudden. When did I begin to consider what other people thought of me? Or, perhaps, it's just Eugene.

"Don't worry, you'll make a wonderful nurse. I seriously don't know what I would have done without you. Thank you for all your help."

He said it earnestly, and I winked at him, not having any particular response. He was being genuine, and the sincerity in his eyes overwhelmed me, as if I didn't deserve it.

"Okay, I'll go freshen up and fix something for the night. Take a nap till then, I guess."

I suggested, while collecting the tray of empty dishes and adjusting the thermostat before leaving the room.

It was troubling to consider the extent to which his presence had influenced me, and at the same time, I couldn't bear to fathom how I would cope without him. I mean, I can't just abduct him and confine him to a room for the rest of his life. I had to say goodbye to him soon enough.

I headed for a bath, my brain unwilling to refrain from thinking too much, and I even hit the wet, slick wall of my shower with my fist, failing to come up with some sort of solution. I cannot persuade him to sleep with me, at least not right away. And now I was petrified of his initial question. What if I realized that just a single night wasn't enough?