heaven ☆ mick mars

47.

"shhh baby! you have to be quiet!" my mothers hand clasped over my mouth in an attempt to suppress my screams following my horrific nightmare.

my eyes burnt, my flesh felt hot and cold simultaneously. i felt like a shell of my former self. i felt the descent into madness most unavoidable in this environment.

my mom rocked me back and fourth gently, holding me in her arms.

i pictured myself as a baby, concerned with nothing but the love from her. soothed by her embrace. protected from all of the shit in this world.

my blood pressure lowered after a few minutes of listening to her hum to me softly. my eyes averted to the glistening sun. i felt peace.

only it wasn't the sun. it was the bright fluorescent light on the ceiling, one that bleached the room in a harsh white blare.

i looked down at the floor only to notice a clump of something. fur? where the hell did that come from?

i fumbled my hands on the back of my head.

a bumpy, patchy area beneath my fingertips made my heart stop.

i'd pulled out a lock of my own hair.

"mommy.." i sounded vulnerable, lost.

she smiled at me, her coral coloured lipstick complemented her pale skin. "yes sweetie?"

"please ask john to bring me more." i stated plainly, robotically, once again on autopilot, finding myself completely unrecognisable.

she frowned momentarily. "bring you what, sweetie?"

"whatever it is he's been injecting into me." i snapped slightly, starting to get agitated. "it makes me feel relaxed."

"oh hun, look what you did to yourself because of it.." her eyes filled with tears as she picked up the lock of hair on held it in front of me.

i slurred my words, "that wasn't me, it was m..it was mick." i started to feel drowsy. it wasn't mick, a small voice in the back of my head urged.

she once again looked confused before a look of alarm came across her face, her eyes averted rapidly to the door.

"he's coming. lilly, sweetie, i need you to pretend to be asleep, okay? can you do that for mommy?"

"tell him to bring me the heaven." i ignored her request. part of me felt completely non-sensical, but the majority of me felt the sanest i had ever been.

she stood up and nodded quickly, "i will just...don't fight him okay? once his anger is released, he'll listen to what i have to say. honestly lill, he's been a lot nicer to me since we brought you here. you make him a better person!"

i didn't care. i rested my head on the floor, facing away from the door. my eyes closed.

i heard him enter the room.

"hey honey.." my mom sure layered it on thick with that man. "how are you?" she asked softly. he was unusually quiet.

"i have a plan."

"..a-a plan?" she responded.

"that bitch going missing is blowing up on the news. it's all anyone is talking about." he took a few steps into the room. "so, it had me thinking."

that was never good. since when did that man even have a brain.

"we demand a ransom. first we'll send her toe. then her ear. her tongue, that'll shut the bitch up. her kidney..then the final sucker punch, we'll send that bitch's heart right to the bastards doorstep. i'll hand deliver it to her fucked up brother's door myself."

fuck.

my head felt light and fuzzy. adrenaline surged through my weakened body.

my mom appeared stunned to silence. he waited for her response, clearly satisfied with his plan.

"my love..i-it's a great plan!! but..if we send her heart, they'll know she's dead-"

"that's why it's the final step of the plan. we'll force them to pay the millions earned in that stupid fucking band of theirs, we'll bleed them dry, enough to get us away from the states to start new lives. we can have the life we deserve, baby." jesus, this bastard actually sounded genuine. "and then we'll have no need for her. there's no way we're giving her away. she's too valuable. the white house will be all over this. we'll have to dispose of her."

silence. for god knows how long.

my heart was in my throat. it's not that the thought of dying in here hadn't crossed my mind in the infinite amount of time that had passed..i just believed in any other outcome.

"well i..i think it's a great plan, hunny." i could hear the doubt laced in her tone.

i heard him kiss her before leaving the room. "don't be too long."

"i won't, my love."

after a few seconds, the door shut. his footsteps receded.

my eyes snapped open and i sat upright as fast as i could, backing against the wall.

"mom...please-"

"lilly listen to me.."

"you can't do this!!" i whisper shouted to her, pleading in desperation. "you cant seriously be considering this!"

"lillian, baby, i-"

i waited for her to finish, i raised my eyebrows to indicate that i wanted her to continue.

"mom, listen to me." i grasped her hands in mine, she looked shocked, heartbroken. "think about nikki. if you do this, he'll be completely alone."

"he needs you!!"

i lied.

"he needs me." the truth.

her eyes darted around the room for a second before she closed them tightly. "lillian, they said he was in the hospital, do you think he's okay? john he, he won't let me watch the tv, i don't know if frankie is okay or not-" she sounded as insane as i was.

now was my chance. a weak spot.

"no!! mom, last time i saw him, he was on deaths door. he wanted you to look after him. he wanted you at his bedside! frankie wants our family." i did my best to convince her. i did my best to construct full sentences, my brain was fried, my body still coming down from whatever john was poisoning me with. i must've looked feral, i felt feral.

her eyes went glassy. she looked like she would crumple like a sheet of paper.

"lilly what if he's dying?"

i ignored the stinging pain that came with her response. i had to override it and find a way to stay alive.

i shook my head slowly. "he may well be. we need to find out. how can we find out?"

her face was blank for a second, but then it sharpened again, she looked focused and determined.

"i think i know how. i'll be back, sweetie."

she dashed for the door and opened it, sprinting up the stairs.

maybe this was the key to getting out. maybe somehow i could speak to nikki, doc..mick. anyone!!

but wait. shit.

she left the door open.