heaven ☆ mick mars

26.

as we finally arrived at the next state, it felt like a relief. i hope everything dramatic is finally over...but then again, i did agree to life on the road with mötley crüe. what was i expecting?

i watched as mick looked at the window with wide eyes looking like a child, fascinated at the world around us. i smiled and twitched my nose as he caught me staring and acted normal and "cool" again, putting his shades back on.

i guess all the shit the band and i go through is worth it for moments like this.

it suddenly felt hit me. i'd essentially escaped hell and reached a form of heaven.

heaven isn't a place...it's a feeling.

i'm not gonna lie all the satanic messages and subliminal meanings behind mötley crüe's songs make it feel hellish, but it isn't.

these 4 crazy, lowkey dorks mean a lot to me.

"so listen, nikki is...well he's stable. pretty sure he wants to talk to you." mick said softly as we stood outside the hotel before he brought he cigarette up to his lips.

i rolled my eyes before taking it out of his mouth and chucking it behind me.

"what was that for?"

"mick. it's either kissing the cigarettes or kissing something else." i said before i saw his eyes light up.

he winked and me and smirked.

"oh you are- my lips! you dirty minded...thing." he laughed and placed a hand on my back, guiding me through the entrance to the reception.

we made our way up to the top floor via the elevator.

we finally reached the room after anxiety from anticipation crept up on me.

which is why it was so relieving when tommy and vince leapt up from their beds when they saw our faces. they both wrapped their arms around me. i missed these guys.

looking behind them i saw nikki stand up from his seat and fiddle with his hands nervously. i wasn't used to seeing my brother like this.

"damn girl we missed you so much." tommy mumbled into my hair.

"standing right here!" mick shouted, interrupting my embrace with the boys who then patted mick on the back making him curse quietly.

instead of giving nikki a chance to even open his mouth, i felt it better to do the talking.

"hey nikk, wanna talk?" i asked softly, to which he nodded anxiously in reply and followed me downstairs to a bench outside the hotel.

at first we just sat and watched the sunset in complete silence, although i could tell he was desperate to speak.

"lillian-"

"i'm worried about you, nikki. your outbursts. but you need to know that, i just want you to be okay. i need my big brother...you're all i have."

his eyes filled with tears as his lip trembled but i could see he hated his vulnerability.

but how he was acting, i looked into his eyes.

"are...are you sober?"

nikki smiled before nodding slowly, wiping his nose with his sleeve.

"i'm so sorry...i'm so sorry lillian." he said before we wrapped our arms around each other. "i fucked up...i wanna be there for you but i fucked up."

"but-"

"don't tell me it's okay when it's not." he pulled away. "you were right. i left you with mom and that stupid asshat. i let you down and you suffered because of it. and i don't ever, EVER want to let you go again. i love you, lillian. and i need my sister too."

i hugged him again, now also starting to sob.

"i love you too." i said soothingly. "it's okay nikki...we're gonna be okay."

"lillian? frankie?"

shit.

me and nikki froze in each other's arms. because that voice never left us. it ricochets within us and haunts everything we ever knew about our childhood.
slowly we turned to the path before us.

mom. and even worse...

our shitty excuse of a stepfather.

guess who?!

bit of a cliffhanger for you there ;)

i'm so glad to be back, apologies for not updating for agessss, i've had exams but i'm back! and so ready to get back to writing. thank you so much for the love this story has gotten, it gained 4k reads without me updating for almost a month so i'm shook. and i love you all!!

i know this was a short chapter but i do have a few exams left over to do so you can expect longer ones after the 14th of june.

again i'm so happy to be back and thank you so much for all of the support <3