heaven ☆ mick mars

23.

warning: mentions of abuse, self harm and suicide. also, smutty!ish

my brother had left behind one of his black button up shirts. it was a bit big on me, but i wore it anyway, and threw my hair up into a messy bun. [i'm aware this probably wasn't a trend in the 80s lol but oh well]

no i didn't wear any pants, just underwear. did mick complain? nope!

my mind wandered to nikki as i held the pan of sizzling eggs, cooking breakfast for mick and i. even though he insisted i should rest, i don't have time for that shit when my mind raced with thoughts and my heart filled with regret.

i could've done more. i should've done more. i should've saved him. he seemed to be on a downward spiral, i was struggling to keep him stable.

he was a faucet spilling over. soon, if we aren't careful, he'll be in a coffin six feet under.

god if mom could see us now. she and john fucked us up badly, it's almost as if we never really escaped that house.

i remember after taking a beating one day, i lay in the corner of my darkened room, tears rolling down my cheeks as i bit my lip, forcing back audible sobs. if i started sobbing, i'd never stop. it would only be worse if i did that. but i remember thinking, imagine how different mine and nikki's lives would've been if we were loved as children.

in some ways, nikki seems stone cold now. broken, bruised.

me on the other hand, i tried really hard to keep my head above the water.

unfortunately i can't say that the thought of suicide never crossed my mind. it wouldn't surprise me if mom placed those razor blades in my sight after a meltdown on purpose.

it only led to more pain. it didn't make me feel better. it didn't solve my problems. it was a temporary fix, only now i see it didn't really fix anything. the scars had faded slightly, luckily. it's another battle wound that i don't want to be questioned about.

despite all the shit i went through, i always refused to join the drug train. nikki also seems extremely grateful that i didn't. like i said, it was never the life that nikki wanted for me.

it's just a shame he doesn't feel the same about himself.

i hoped to myself that he's okay now and being looked after. part of me feels guilty staying at the villa until later. until i remember who i'm with, and suddenly all the guilt melts away.

jumping slightly i feel arms snake around my waste as mick's chin rests on my shoulder. butterflies flutter in my stomach as i feel his body against my back, my face blushing as he whispers lowly in my ear.

"did you wear no pants to tease me or?"

"that depends. like what you see?"

he hummed lowly in response. "a little too much." he said huskily before leaning down and leaving kisses on my neck. nearly letting a slight moan escape, i interrupted his little exploration.

"well, we don't wanna burn the eggs down do we?"

but he only continued and whispered again, "honestly lillian, i don't really give a shit about the eggs right now." i turned off the hob before turning around as he placed a hand on the back of my head, smashing my lips against his.

we both smiled into it as our lips moved passionately. he lifted me up and i screamed with excitement, wrapping my legs around his torso. we moved over to the sofa and sat so that i was straddling his lap.

he bit my bottom lip as we kissed, begging for entrance. i smirked and teased him, denying.

i opened my eyes as he pulled away. "is this okay baby?" i smiled.

"of course it is."

sneaky little devil then caught me off guard, his tongue now freely exploring.

the world around us disappeared, i suddenly felt beaming with light as sparks radiated through my body. this was some kind of heaven i had never felt before. being with him, all hell i had ever experienced faded away.

that was until the god damn phone rang. we pulled away, i was left smirking as mick answered the phone, my sudden realisation of his hard on. i placed a hand near his thigh and felt his jeans tighten as his eyes widened, and his face shot up to look at mine.

"hello?" he said quickly.

i heard a voice on the other end. tommy.

"hey dude, just to let you know, nikki's okay. he's a little rough but he'll be alright."

now reassured, i continued teasing my lover.

my hand moved closer to his crotch and he shook his head at me with silent exclamation, his eyes still wide.

as it reached his member he let out a moan before attempting to cover it up, "uhhhmm yeah, that's good to hear. lillian's..." he began breathing heavily. "she-she's great.."

i smirked to myself.

"what are you two up to?" i heard vince shout over the phone.

"nothing we're just...making breakfast!"

"sure thing. we found out an earlier plane is flying to seattle in about 30 minutes, if you'll make it in time?"

"yep, sure thing gotta go bye!"

he was all mine. i was all his.