Sharp Edges

Chapter 42

Jeanette hated herself.

She tugged at her hair too quickly and with too much force. The skin on her head was stinging from her constant pulling at her hair.

She was frustrated.

She was torn.

Why did it have to be like that?

She didn't want to love him. She didn't want to feel anything for him.

She hated herself for being so indecisive.

Now that she got what she had thought she wanted, she wasn't all that sure if it was the right thing for her to do. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to erase him out of her life.

She knew she couldn't erase him. That was impossible.

But did she actually wanted to keep him there? She... didn't think so.

Ugh! I don't know anything.

No, I can't think like that. It was for the better.

It was for the better, so that she can try to move on from her feelings, which felt as if they just kept her stuck in place, as if they held her back as she couldn't stop but hope that Oscar might someday reciprocate them.

She had to stop thinking about him. What was done was done and she couldn't change it.

Only... Did she really wanted to stop?

Maybe, maybe she could've bear the pain. Maybe she could've tried harder and their friendship would work out.

This is getting nowhere.

There was no way she would've been able to continue being just friends with him, she knew that.

Jeanette took a deep breath, trying to make sense of the chaos swirling inside her, to organize the thoughts screaming at her from every side and corner of her into place and order.

From this second, she will not give him any of her love for anymore. For real this time.

She will not let him live in her mind and she will not let him make her heart bounce senselessly and painfully.

She will not take it anymore.

She will not.