5 years had passed since the incident that brought Jennie's entire happiness down. The guilt from her past had taken a huge toll on her, but what happens when Jennie's reunited with the man from her past incident? Will she be able to free herself fr...
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JENNIE
TRIGGER WARNING: CONTEXT OF SUICIDE
I was six when I tasted my first encounter with death.
Death had a funny way of alluring me to its embrace, feeding me fantasies of freedom and the non-existent feeling in the world of living. The ripples of the swimming pool and the blue color was a fascination in my child-like eyes, tricking me to feel comfort by the sight-- but little did I know, it was the opposite. I was intrigued by the proposition that I lunge myself to the water with no protection to keep me afloat.
I gasp for air but to no avail as the water covered my only source of oxygen. Time moves slower underwater, and my short legs were unable to touch the ground.
I demanded an answer to death, who deceived me-- whispering false prophecy of a bright beginning if I surrender my life.
Death did not answer, and left me to choose; die or survive.
In a short time, I debate with myself. For someone young, there is every reason I would want to live. The feeling of venturing myself into the unknown world of adulthood was enchanting my mind. What is it like having full control of your life, with no one forcing you to act otherwise? I want nothing but liberty, berating me from norms I find the urge to break.
Jennie
Then there's death-- its prognostication resurfaced my mind about the indescribable feeling I'll be able to know if I submit myself to its unknown nature. I was scared of the unidentified sensitivity, but curiosity gets the best of me. Rethinking about my life, I had no reason to continue living. My life was nothing but a play, following the script made by adults who guarantees to get me adopted if I stick to it. I wanted to concern myself with anything but adoption, but the community surrounding me begs otherwise-- and I despise the solitude I grew myself in. There was just no way out of this four walls.
I calculated everything, leading to numerous questions running in my mind. Will people care if I die? Will people mourn my death? Will I be missed? What are the consequences of my absence?
At the end of the day, people die. What difference does it make if I end it now?
Jennie!
Before I could think further, my body was lifted from the water but I wasn't able to do anything. I could feel someone pumping vigorously to my chest, hoping for a miracle to happen but there was nothing. My body did not cooperate-- scratch that, maybe its me. I give death the benefit of the doubt for the second time, waiting for the euphoric feeling that was promised to me.
But just like the water drowning me to kill my senses, the void lingers. I waited and waited as the person kept pumping and was kissing my mouth to breathe air to my body. But nothing came out, death stayed tongue tied as I kept begging for an answer. Breathe Jennie please, the muffled voice from the living whispers to me.
