JENLISA | ANGUISH |

Chapter 6 - Macau D - 1

Today's concert day and my nerves are all over the place. To make things worse my hands are still shaking. Thankfully, the shaking isn't too strong I could just cover it up with a long sleeve jacket that I'm wearing right now for the rehearsal.

Sitting at the foot of the bed waiting for Alice and Wonjae oppa to come and get me, I decided to finally read some of the messages.

From 'Chaeyoungie':
- Lisa, why aren't you answering your phone?
- Did you see the news about Jennie unnie?
- Come on Lisa pick up the phone.
- Now I'm starting to worry. Are you okay?
- Lisa please, call me.

There's more where that came from. Jisoo unnie's texts are also the same. To call her back immediately. I sighed. I feel sorry for ignoring them when they didn't do anything wrong. I find Jennie unnie's name on my messages but I can't seem to make myself read it. I'm not ready to read what she has to say so I leave it unread. Tossing my phone on the bed, I head to the balcony for a much needed fresh air.

Taking a deep breath as I watch the cityscape. My chest tightens. I'm feeling everything now. The pain, the heartache, and anguish. I'm not ready to face all of it but I have no choice. I have a job to do and fans to entertain. Without them there wouldn't be BLACKPINK. This concert is for the BLINKs and I won't disappoint them.

***

Arriving at the venue wearing sunglasses and my headphones I head straight to the waiting room. I open the door and the first thing I see is the girls huddled in the corner somewhat in a heated conversation. They all turned when they heard me come in. I head straight to a chair for the staff to fix my hair and makeup. I take off my glasses and look at the mirror in front of me. I almost don't recognize myself. Hollow cheeks, dark circles and sad eyes.

I look up, Chaeyoung's behind me. "Hey." She says softly. "You didn't call me back. I was worried. Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine." I take off my headphones.

"If everything's fine, then why can't you look me in the eyes?"

On the verge of tears, I close my eyes. Pleading. myself to not cry. I heard some rustling and felt Chaeyoung kneeling in front of me. Placing a hand on my knee she says. "Lisa..."

I force myself not to cry. I breathed in before opening my eyes and looked at her. "Chaeyoung-ah please." I plead. "I can't do this right now. I promise we'll talk."

"Okay. I'm here when you need me, okay?" I nod. Standing up she lingered for a few seconds. She put her hand on my cheek and wiped a tear that managed to escape. She bent down and kissed the top of my head. Chaeyoung left my side without saying another word.

I don't want to talk to anyone so I just close my eyes, put on my headphones and shut everything and everybody out.

I don't know how much time had passed when Alice touched my shoulder. Taking my headphones off she says. "Are your headphones in full volume? I have been calling your name since I entered the room." Handing me my food.

"Sorry, I spaced out. Thanks for this." Lifting the plastic bag with the food in it. "Have you eaten?"

"Not yet, but I will when I get back."

"Can we eat together?" Puzzled at my request she looked around the room. I notice her eyes stopped like she's looking at someone.

"Of course, I'd love that." Returning her attention back to me.

As we walked out the door, I feel someone staring at me. I don't know why I looked back but I immediately looked away. The person who was staring right back at me was Kim Jennie.