JENLISA | ANGUISH |

Chapter 10 - What if...

She's still wearing her party clothes, drunk and frazzled but in my eyes she is still the most beautiful woman I've laid my eyes on. This is not the time for thoughts like that.

"What are you doing here unnie? Where's Alison?" I ask. She must have sent Alison to her room because Alison wouldn't have left her side if she wasn't dismissed.

She just shrugs her shoulders. She wraps her arms around her feeling cold.

"Wait here I'm gonna get my spare key then I'll take you to your room."

"No. I want to stay here with you." She says stubbornly as she rushes inside my room. Heads straight to the couch and deposits herself on it.

"Unnie, you can't be here." Closing the door I walk to her. Looking at her, tired and drunk I sigh. Giving up, I kneel so I can see her face. I doubt she's going to remember this because she tends to forget everything when she's drunk.

"Why did you drink so much unnie when you can't even hold your liquor?"

She opens her eyes and looks at me. "It's my first Cannes and I wanted to celebrate with my friends." Suddenly her eyes pooled. "You didn't even congratulate me today." She says sadly.

"I.." Flabbergasted by the turn of events. "I'm sorry, you're right. I'm being an asshole." Damn it! In the span of a week I made all my members cry. Raising my hand to her cheek I say sincerely. "Congratulations on your first Cannes. I saw some photos of you on the carpet, you looked so beautiful." I smile at her.

"Really?" She asks shyly. I nod. Thankfully, someone knocked on the door, breaking the spell we were in.

I open the door slightly blocking the view inside. "Good evening ma'am you're food is here. Do you want me to take it inside?"

"No." I reply quickly. "I can take it from here. Thank you." Grabbing the plate I close the door.

I place it on the table in front of the couch and sit by her legs. "Let's eat unnie, you must be famished." Grabbing her hands to pull her up.

"I'm sleepy." She protests.

"Just a few bites unnie and I'll let you sleep okay?"

"Fine, just a few bites." I fed her some chicken tenders and some fries. Taking some for myself too. Done eating I set aside the plate.

"Come on unnie, let's get you to bed." I hold her hand pulling her with me. I make her sit on the bed and turn back to get some clothes for her to change but when I turn back to her she is already laying down asleep.

I look at her makeup still on and wearing uncomfortable clothes while sleeping. I went to the bathroom to get my makeup remover. I carefully wipe her face down to her neck. Done with the easy one, I'm thinking of ways to maneuver her to strip her clothes. Yes, I've seen her half naked but never this intimate of a setting. Usually, it's when we change outfits behind stage and not completely naked.

Deciding to just wing it. I take a deep breath to prepare myself. The skirt would be the easiest to remove so I did that first then grabbed a pair of my shorts. Now the hard part, her vest.

Changing her with my sweater, I managed not to peek at her naked torso. Finally done, I lay her back down carefully. I grab the blanket and cover her up with it. Standing up I fold her clothes and put it on the nightstand.

About to turn around and head to the couch she catches my wrist. "Don't go." She says half asleep.

"I won't. I'll just sleep on the couch."

"Promise?"

"I.." Knowing full well I won't be keeping that promise I still say to her. "I promise."

***

Tossing and turning on the couch, I sit up knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. I sigh and look at the bed with her on it. There's a work table and a chair beside the bed so I stand up and sit on it facing a sleeping Jennie unnie.

Talking softly I say. "For so long I've only thought of the what ifs in my head. What if we were never in BLACKPINK, would we still meet each other? What if you told me that you were together before I confessed my feelings to you in Abu Dhabi, would I have handled the situation better? But the million dollar question that I always think about is what if I told you I loved you way before you met him, would I have a chance?" Shaking my head laughing softly.

"Remember that time, when our families went on vacation together?" Not expecting an answer I continue. "We were having an early dinner to watch the sunset. You were wearing a beautiful sundress. You stood up from the table to take a photo of the view. Free from worries, free from the problems and free from the toxic world. With wind blowing your hair you closed your eyes and smiled." I smile at the memory. "I wished I had my camera then so I could capture that time you looked so happy and free." I pause to carefully sit on the bed beside her.

"That was the time I realized I loved you." I smile sadly at her. "I still do." Brushing her hair out of her face I continue. "But I need to let you go now. It's unfair to lay all the blame on you for what's happened. I have no right to be angry at you, your relationship is none of my business."

"Loving you was easy. Letting go of someone you love is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder." I kiss her forehead, holding it there for a few seconds. I sit up and take a final look at her, wiping my tears. I stand up and force myself to walk out the door.