JENLISA | ANGUISH |

Chapter 25 - Wish

I have been in London for a few days now since my flight was scheduled earlier than theirs. I still haven't talked to Jisoo unnie since the incident at the airport but she texted me to say sorry and that she understands if I'm not ready to talk yet. I'm not mad, not anymore at least.

Tomorrow we'll be performing at one of the biggest music festivals in London and I'm just very grateful for all the blessings that the group had been getting. Last time it was headlining Coachella and now this. The blinks made all this happen.

I had been practicing all day for the new dance break for my solo stage so I'm a little tired and decided to sleep early. I should have known better though, everytime I sleep early I also tend to wake up early. It's three in the morning and now I'm wide awake.

Since tomorrow, no, today is going to be a busy day I really need a much needed rest to function properly. So I'm putting on a long coat to to try and cover up the pajamas I'm wearing and go for a walk.

As I'm closing the door I hear the ping of the elevator. When I turn my head to the sound, it's the girls getting off of it. They stop on their tracks as they noticed me. They must have just arrived from the airport as they look tired and a little frazzled.

Jisoo unnie spoke first. "Lisa-ya.."

It's just my name she spoke but I know she's just waiting for me to make the next move. Still standing by my door, I open my arms. She figured out what it means and ran straight to me. Wrapping our arms around each other she says.

"I'm sorry Lisa for-"

"Shhh. It's okay unnie I've already forgotten about it." I tell her.

She mutters something I almost didn't hear but I caught it. A smile forms on my face. I break away from the hug and look at her face. "What did you just say?" I ask teasingly.

"Nope, I know you heard it." She says blushing and avoiding eye contact. I notice the two walking to us.

"Jisoo unnie just said I love you to me!" I told them as they got closer with the goofiest smile on my face.

"Oh my gosh unnie. You're getting softer as you got older." Rosie says jokingly.

"Wow. It's a three for three today unnie." Jennie unnie joins in. "Who are you? And what have you done to Jisoo unnie?"

The three of us are laughing except for Jisoo unnie. "Ohhh. Just shut up, all three of you." She says but with a smile on her face.

It's been a long while since we've laughed like this together... And I know it's all my fault. If I had just kept my mouth shut and never told her about my feelings for her, none of this would have happened. Things would have been normal. No awkwardness, no avoiding each other, just us four having a conversation and being goofy.

I miss this. I miss them but it happened and I can't do anything about it. It still hurts being near her.

Someday it will be better, I know it. Eventually, I know deep down I'll forgive her. When just the thought of her won't hurt anymore, I'll know then that I've finally moved on...

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize that Jisoo unnie asked me a question. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I said, where were you going before we bumped into each other?" She repeats.

"I messed up my sleeping schedule. Slept too early and woke up too early so I decided to go for a walk to tire myself a little. Then go back to sleep. Hopefully."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Rosie asks.

I shake my head. "It's okay but thank you for the offer. You guys should get some sleep we have a long day ahead of us."

"Are you sure?" She ask again.

"Yeah, I'm sure." I reply as I head to the elevator to go up to the hotel's rooftop garden.

I notice Jennie unnie staring at me. We just kept staring at each other as the elevator door closes. At the last second, I look away.

I lean back, close my eyes and take a deep breath. Well, that was weird.

I admire the view as the door opens. I've seen a lot of beautiful sceneries but one of my favorites are the view of the city lights.

I'm glad I made the decision to take a walk. At this time it's peacefully quiet. It's rare for me to enjoy silence because sometimes it entails that I'm alone or lonely...

But I'm working on it.

Because having that kind of mindset could lead me to dark thoughts and I can't have that. Not now and not ever.

On my third lap around the garden I notice someone standing by the entrance door. I don't know who it is or, is it a man or a woman since I can't see that well without my glasses or contact lenses.

As I got closer, I knew it was a woman. I don't want to look like a creep so I looked away and just kept on walking.

When I passed by her she also started walking. I got a little scared when she moved so on instinct I looked at her.

I felt both relief and shock. It's the last person I expected to see here.

"It's just me. I'm sorry for scaring you." Jennie unnie says.

I don't say anything, still a little shocked.

She gestures for me to keep on walking. Since I don't know what to say I force my frozen body to take a step.

"I know you don't want to talk so you don't have to worry about that. I just want to keep you company on your walk." She says softly.

I don't know what to say to that so I just kept walking.

We walked around the garden in complete silence. The only sounds we could hear was the occasional chirp of a bird passing by and the sounds of our footsteps.

On the tenth lap I decided it was time to rest. Not just for me but for unnie as well. I know she's tired from her travel.

I lead us to the elevator and pressed the number for our floor. We still didn't say anything as elevator door opens. My room is closest to the elevator so I stop, I feel her pass me and kept walking to hers.

As I'm about to enter my room I pause. She's just a few steps ahead but I don't look at her when I speak.

"Thank you."

I heard her stop but I don't look back. I push the door open and stepped inside. I just stand behind the door as I watch my shadow slowly disappear as the door closes.

In the darkness where no one could see or hear me I let myself voice out what I really wanted to say to her..

"I wish it was me you chose, not him..."