JENLISA | ANGUISH |

Chapter 8 - Apologies

I enter the waiting room and head straight to the sofa Alice right behind me. Wonjae oppa runs to me carrying a first aid kit. As oppa cleans my wound he says. "Thankfully, the cuts aren't deep so you won't need stitches but we have to be diligent in cleaning your wound so it won't get infected." I nod.

"I'm sorry." Feeling like crying again. "If the management calls any of you just tell me so I can explain to them what happened. I don't want both of you to be involved in this chaos." They were about to object but I cut them off. "No. It's my mess, I'll clean it up."

Giving them no choice they answer. "Okay." They stand up. "We'll go assess the damage and see what we can do about it. We'll tell you the details later."

Before they disappear I remember something. "Alice wait."  She nods at Wonjae oppa to go and she'll catch up. She comes back to me.

"Is something wrong with your hand?"

I shake my head. "No. I need another favor."

"You want your flight to France changed?"

"How did you...?"

"After what happened, I thought about changing it too." She laughs. "I'll change yours and Wonjae's. Okay?"

"What about you?"

"I'll just take the scheduled flight. But Lisa, this will be the last one okay? Because if no one will report the incident earlier this will definitely get the management's attention."

"Okay. I promise." Satisfied with my answer she exits the room.

Alone in the waiting room, I look at my wounded hand and noticed it stopped shaking. What the hell? Thinking hard on what could have been the cause. I figured it out. The emotions I've felt that I just kept bottled up, my body couldn't contain it. It wanted to be let out so when I punched the mirror maybe figuratively speaking, it was also me letting all of the emotions I'm feeling out of my body.

Chuckling at that theory I head to a make-up bench to look at myself in the mirror. I will need a retouch and a new sweater. The sweater I'm wearing now has some blood on it. Grabbing a change of clothes and heading to the bathroom to change, people start to pile inside the room. I don't wait to see who's entering I close the door.

When I'm done, I head straight to a make-up bench not looking at anyone. Letting the make-up artist do their job I replay the incident earlier in my head. I'm disappointed at myself for letting it happen. That was not me.

"Time for the send-off." One of the staff says.

Hanging back, I let the girls go first. Only standing up to follow them when they were all out the door. Chaeyoung was waiting for me by the door when I exit the room. Staring at each other and not saying anything, I realize she's waiting for me to decide what happens next. I make the first move by extending my uninjured hand for her to hold. She smiles, quickly holding it between her hands.

We didn't talk on the way to the send-off area but we both know what the other is thinking. 'That we'll be okay.'

Before entering I let go of her, I show her my injured hand that I'm covering with my sweater. She understands and links her arms with it so she can help me hide it. Entering, I smile and wave for the Blinks. Jisoo unnie and Jennie unnie are just a few steps ahead of us.

Now out of sight, I see Jisoo unnie and Jennie unnie lingering by the waiting room door. I stop. I face Rosie. "Hey, I want to apologize for what happened earlier."

"No, you don't need to apologize. You had every right to be angry at me. I wanted to tell you but.." I see her eyes watering.

"But she made you promise to keep it a secret at least until she tells me herself." She nods.

"You're my best friend, I should have told you." She sniffs.

"Don't cry. It's okay, I understand. I promise we'll talk more but I need to talk to the unnies." Kissing her on the cheek I let go of her hand.

Waiting until Rosie is inside the room, I walk up to the unnies. Standing in front of Jisoo unnie I say. "Unnie." Not daring to look beside her. Not hearing me she doesn't look up. I was about to get her attention again, I feel her hold my injured hand so softly. She asks, her voice breaking. "Does it hurt a lot?"

Jisoo unnie, who doesn't want the people to see when she's vulnerable is now about to cry. I am now officially a worthless piece of trash for making Jisoo unnie cry. I hold her face, gently forcing her to look at me. "Unnie, it doesn't even hurt a bit. It's just a scratch. Nothing to be worried about okay?" She was about to say something, I shake my head at her. "I'm so sorry for scaring you, I promise that it'll never happen again."

"I'm sorry too, Lisa-ya."

"You did nothing wrong unnie. I was the unprofessional one, bringing my problems to work." Hugging her tightly I say. "You go on ahead. I have something to say to Jennie unnie." Squeezing me back before letting go, she heads inside.

Not looking at Jennie unnie I walk to find an empty room. Finding one, I enter and wait for her to follow before closing the door.

"Lisa-ya..." I cut her off.

"No. You don't get to talk. You had 2 years to tell me something, you've lost that chance." I don't look at her, afraid that if I did, I'll forget what I'm about to say. "I want to apologize for what happened earlier."

I start pacing. "From now on I want, no, I need our relationship to be purely just work colleagues to avoid anymore incidents like this. When we're in public I will still interact with you as if there's nothing wrong between us and I hope you'll do the same."

"For how long?" She asks.

I finally look her in the eyes. "I don't know. Whichever comes first, when I finally move on or I forget that I love you." I say, laughing sadly.

Knowing what I meant by that statement, that it'll be a while till that happens. Hurt flashes through her eyes. I look away. "Congratulations by the way, for your almost 2 year anniversary. I hope he's treating you well." Heading to the door I say. "I'm glad you found love, even if it's not with me."

I genuinely smile at her even though I feel my heart getting ripped apart as I say it. I walk out the door.