JENLISA | ANGUISH |

Chapter 28 - Freddie

I had fun exploring Paris, doing normal things like shopping, having fun with friends and just being free.

Free from obligations, free from scrutinizing eyes, free from the hate, free from the pain and free from the cause of it. Not that it hurt so much anymore, seeing Jennie unnie.

Living in the present really helped. Just enjoying every second I get to be me. The real me.

I know it's hypocritical of me to say that when I keep my sexuality on the down low. A lot of people might be supportive if they knew but there are stil people who will hate me for it too.

I would've been out a long time ago if the Korean industry wasn't so closed off. I think YG would also be against me being public with my sexuality. They would be okay with me being bisexual but the media must never catch a wind of it or anyone else for that matter.

So living in Paris for almost two weeks now is extraordinary.

Well... Until I saw a video going around the internet of me and Fred having dinner. Now, people are saying we are dating.

We're not... Not anymore at least.

It was a long time ago when we just got acquainted with each other. When we met, I was in a dark place because it was when Jennie unnie and Kai were dating. So, when Fred said that he was interested in me I latched on to it, for a desperate attempt to forget about her.

The guilt came sooner than I had expected. As I got to know Fred more and more, the more I felt bad for using him. He's so kind, compassionate, smart, just an all-around great guy.

I did try though, tried to love him but it never came. After almost three months of dating, I couldn't take the guilt anymore and told him the truth.

-Four years ago-

We are currently having some drinks in the balcony of his penthouse. Sitting side by side watching the view of Paris.

He invited me here, saying we needed to talk. When I read his text, the first thing I thought was he's going to break up with me and honesty, I was a little relieved. It did not last long though, guilt came rushing back.

He still wasn't talking so I decided to go first and tell him the truth.

"Freddie?" I say cautiously. When he faced me I continue. "I need to tell you something and it'll probably make you angry so I really will understand if you will want to throw me out off this balcony." I say trying to make a light of this situation.

He chuckles shaking his head. "I don't think that's going to happen. What is it?"

I chug my drink first for extra courage. "This relationship of ours can't go on any longer. I'm sorry. I like you Fred but.." I pause.

I look at him straight in the eyes. "I'm in love with someone else."

He doesn't say anything, just looks away from me. I let him be for a few minutes. When finally he says. "I know."

He doesn't see my surprised face and just continues. "The first time you introduced me to your members, when we were still friends, I knew. You have feelings for her." He sighs.

"But I believed it then, that I could make you love me. So when you said yes I was ecstatic. It was the first step. I realized it too late that you said yes for the wrong reasons." He says with his thick french accent.

"I-" I don't know what to say but he just shakes his head and smiled sadly.

"It's okay. It's not entirely your fault, I still let this go on even though I knew. Honestly, I liked spending time with you just talking and goofing around, going to places and finding restaurants to eat at. When we're together I feel like I'm not an heir of a big company I just feel like a normal person." He says. "That's why I couldn't easily just cut ties with you."

I also feel the same way when we see each other or just talked on the phone. I grab a hold of his hand and wait until he looks at me to say. "In the future, when you're ready to see me again I would love to do those things again with you as friends."

"I would love that too." He smiles, squeezing my hand with both of his.

-end-

We didn't contact each other for a few months after that night. I know I could have reached out first but I didn't think I had the right so I just waited for him to be ready and make first contact.

Then just one day, out of the blue I received a text from him.

From: Freddie
'Heard you're in Paris. If you have some free time, I would love to have dinner with you.'

I read the text over and over again and everytime I did my smile just got wider and wider until my cheeks hurt.

After our dinner the rest was history. Now, he's my best friend. He knows every detail that has happened in my life and I his'.

When I told him about the video of us that is spreading on the internet. He quickly hung up on me and in an hour he knocked on my hotel door with wine and a bag with different kinds of cheese on each hand.

I laugh at him. "Really? You hung up on me to go buy wine and cheese?"

"What? I want some snacks while I watch that video of ours." He says.

"It's a ten second video!" I burst out laughing while closing the door.

"Doesn't matter." Ignoring my laughter. "Because we're going to read each and every comment on it." He says with an evil smile on his face.

I sober up immediately. "What are you planning? You know the majority of those will be bad."

"I know. Don't care though." He laughs. "Do you?"

"No." I smile at him. "No I don't."

He grabs my laptop from the table and sits on the couch. He pats the spot next to him. "Come on."

I sit on the spot next to him as he googles the article.

"Is Lisa from BLACKPINK dating CEO Frederic Arnault?" He reads aloud. "You're four years too late!"

We both laugh. He opens every website who made an article of us and read every comment on it. At first I was worried for him as he read some pretty nasty comments about him but he just laughed at every single one of them.

When I asked if he was okay reading them, he says. "Yeah because I know I'm not the most good looking guy out there, especially when I'm next to you. I look like an alien." He laughs, making me laugh too. "I'm not being cocky when I say this but my appearance is the only thing they could insult." He shrugs.

I smile at his statement. So true. Not that I agree with the comments. I actually find him handsome.

"How about you?" He asks.

"At first it did hurt me, reading those kinds of  comments but I quickly learned how to ignore it. It still hurt sometimes but I know the worth of all the bad comments doesn't compare to a single comment a blink gives me." I say sincerely.

He puts an arm around my shoulder and pulls me closer. "Good for you! That makes me very proud." He says jokingly but I know he meant it.

Being friends was the best decision we both made. He's like a big brother to me now, an annoying one that is.

So, that's what we did all night. Reading and laughing at all the comments we could find.

I didn't even realize I fell asleep until...

I see Jennie unnie sleeping uncomfortably on a chair next to my bed when I opened my eyes.