Perfect Illness || lookism x reader

30. Rebirth pt5

Sorry I highkey vanished it was cuz ap testing szn 😭

YN gasped awake. She was alone, but a piece of paper fluttered to the ground.

Went to get food, brb -J

Thank god. She didn't know how she would manage herself if he was there. She missed Big Deal so much. She had run away from them too. After she had found Hostel in Gangdong, she lived with them, completely ignoring Big Deal's plight.

One day, Sinu had called her, sounding desperate. 'I need to see you one last time,' he had said. YN was scared by those words, and she had immediately returned to Big Deal. Just in time to speak with Sinu before he sold himself. It was too painful to think about. She had tried to convince him out, but Sinu only requested that she stay safe and get the life she wanted. He had explained what had happened with his fight with Gun and Goo, and how Samuel and Jake had fought, and how in order to make the monthly payment, Big Deal needed significant amounts of cash.

YN really fucking hated herself for not staying with him. Instead, she ran away, like the pathetic rat she was. Jerry had arrived at Big Deal street just as she was leaving Sinu. He had returned from Hostel, where Gun was destroying her family again, just as he had done to Big Deal.

She had been furious then, at Gun, Sinu, Jerry, and mostly at herself for letting two families get destroyed by one demon. She had rushed back, joining Hostel's fight against the inhuman villain, but of course, they had lost. To everyone's surprise, Olly had interjected, right before Gun was about to break Eli's teeth, revealing how Hostel could become a gang. Gun, surprisingly, had allowed it.

But then, of course, tragedy struck. It seemed to follow YN around wherever she went. Heather's mom, law enforcement discovered their family establishment and Eli was arrested. Just as quickly as she had found him, he was taken from her. Of course, he was taken from her by Gun. The demon seemed intent on destroying every family she could find.

Of course, the story got worse. For months YN bounced around the streets, retreating back to her manner of tricks, stealing, and fighting to survive. She was lost. Originally when out on the streets, she at least had a purpose to find Eli. She had found Big Deal instead, and THEN Eli, which had worked out. Now, she had found Eli, but... he didn't want to see her. At the time, she remembered nothing of their life. All she had was the memories of Big Deal and Hostel. Big Deal was reeling from Sinu's absence, but she daren't return. And Hostel was suffering from Eli's absence. She refused to return there either. She hated Eli. At Hostel he seemed happy to see her, happy to be reunited, but obviously it had been a facade.

It's useless, YN remembered thinking. There's no point. Why should I continue surviving? Every bit of happiness will be destroyed in the end. She mentally choked on the name. G-gun will destroy it all. Every time. She ran her finger along the dirty blade of the kitchen knife, gently pressing it against her wrist. She had taken it from Sally at Hostel, and kept it since. Perhaps I should just end it.

"YN!" Someone had shouted, snapping her out of her thoughts. What was I thinking..? YN had been surviving so long, it had become a habit. She wasn't about to break it now. She raised her gaze, shocked to see none other than Heather. "Thank god I found you!" Heather shouted, tears were streaming down her face as she ran to YN. She fell to her knees as YN watched in shock, still in a crouched position.

"Heather... What?"

"I need to find Eli. I'm begging you please help," Heather sobbed, clutching at her stomach.

"Eli... He's gone." YN growled. She wanted to see Eli too, but Eli didn't want to see them apparently.

"Please! I'm pregnant."

"Huh–" YN froze, millions of thoughts whirling through her mind. "Oh shit. Shit shit shit." Fuck. How. When. Eli? "Are you keeping it?"

"It's too late."

Shit. She grabbed Heather's hand, dragging her to the person who would surely know where and how to reach Eli. He had nurtured and unhealthy obsession for her brother, and although she didn't quite trust him, Olly Wang was their best bet.

He was smoking in an alley like the wannabe gangster he was. Heather rushed up to him, a bright flush across her cheeks. "Hey," she started nervously. "You know where Eli is right?

"What?"

"You should know where he is..." Heather added desperately.

"How should I know? I've been looking for him too, but I couldn't find him."

YN grabbed his hair, yanking him out of his crouch. "I'm going to fucking kill you," she growled, eyes angry.

Olly, watched, entranced. "YN, I never particularly like you, but perhaps I should've paid you more attention. You're just like Eli!"

YN tched and pulled back her arm to punch him, but Heather laid a hand on her arm, and fell to Olly's feet. YN watched hopelessly as Heather begged once again. She didn't know how to feel about Heather's baby. It had been so sudden. Did that mean her brother and Heather– She shook her head, deciding not to think of it.

But... a baby. A tiny slimy creature. It was growing inside Heather. YN tried not to gag. What would Heather and Eli do with it? If Eli heard, surely he would return. If YN was in his place–she tried not to gag again–she would take responsibility. She would make sure the child didn't live the life that they had.

Olly agreed to give Eli a phone, but Heather didn't stop crying.

"Heather, I promise your child will want for nothing," YN vowed, gently rubbing circles on Heather's back. She could imagine how it felt to be totally alone in this world, young and inexperienced, forced the responsibility of taking care of a whole nother life. "And I'll make sure, neither will you."

It felt like her world ended when Eli told Heather to abort it.

Yes, that had been YN's first thoughts as well, but she'd never imagined her brother to be so...horrible. He had a child festering. He had an opportunity to give it a beautiful life. And who was he to tell Heather to abort it anyways. Not even a 'how, what, when'. It was as if he was a different, feelingless person.

She was just as shocked when Heather went herself to see Eli. It was what YN should've done long ago to beat some sense into him. And that event was followed by a greater tragedy.

Heather went into labor.

Of course, that's how pregnancy works, but surely it was too early..? I didn't see a bump. She looked totally normal. Fear and dread mixed to form a horrible heavy concrete in her guts as she ran as fast as possible to the Hospital. Heather was totally alone as YN sqeezed her hand through her painful labor. Tears streamed down both people's cheeks. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. She was supposed to have a life. In that horrible delivery room, it felt like the room had filled with water that she was drowning in. She didn't deserve the misery. She wasn't the one giving birth. She knew that it must her presence must bring all this horror and tragedy. Why else would another person whom she considered family be taken to her in this terrible manner.

It took every fiber of her strength not to wrench her hand from Heather's painful grip and run away.