Star Wars One-Shots

I Serve Only You

Author's Note: This is dark. Of course. That should go without saying. Lol.

Warning: Attempted suicide, torture, mental invasions, and creepy Sidious possessiveness.

~ Amina Gila

"If your past cannot be overcome..." Even with Sidious' warning, Vader can't shake thoughts of finding Obi-Wan from mind. Except, what's the point when his once master never cared for him, not even enough to kill him? In a spur of the moment, Vader decides to take matters into his own hands. Sidious is not impressed, to say the least.

"You didn't kill Anakin Skywalker. I did. The same way I will destroy you."

"Then my friend is truly dead. Goodbye, Darth."

"Obi-Wan! OBI-WAN!"

The final words of their interaction echo through Vader's mind over and over again. He's in the bacta tank again, after his last talk with Sidious, but he still can't quite shake his final conversation with Obi-Wan from mind.

He can't think about anything else. Obi-Wan, he –

This was never how it was supposed to end. He was supposed to stay with him, or – or kill him or something. Not leave him, abandon him again. Not again.

He – he never cared, did he? He didn't care for Vader, and he never even cared for Anakin. If nothing else, Vader had – he'd believed that.

"You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you."

He hadn't thought that was a lie. He thought it was true. He doesn't know why, now.

Obi-Wan never cared about him. Never. He wouldn't stay with him, and he didn't even care enough to avenge Anakin's death, if nothing else.

And that's... what's even the point? Why is he living? What is he living for? All he's wanted all these years was to find Obi-Wan. At first it was for vengeance, and then, in time, it became more. Maybe it was always more. Because without Obi-Wan, everything felt pointless. And now, everything he's done all these years, his every desire for this past decade has been ripped away, because Obi-Wan never cared.

Why was he – or Anakin – never good enough, that after everything they shared, Obi-Wan still never cared? Not even once?

Vader shouldn't be thinking about this anymore. He – he promised Sidious that he was loyal to only him. He needs to stop thinking about Obi-Wan, but he can't.

He never knew he could long for death more than he already did, but he does. He feels worthlessuselesspathetic. He doesn't – he just wants to die.

And it's that which makes him suddenly lash out with the Force, hardly even thinking as he shatters the walls of the bacta tank – and the breathing mask, and other medical equipment – around him. He feels himself falling, with no way to stop himself. But by now, he's well accustomed to that feeling of total helplessness. Except when he's in his suit, the only thing that can move him are droids.

The world goes dark mercifully fast.

***

Vader opens his eyes again, to see the red lenses of his helmet, and the far too familiar face of his master hovering next to him. "Lord Vader, can you hear me?" he asks.

He was supposed to die. Why did he expect otherwise? He – he'd already been considering staying there on that moon after Obi-Wan walked away, waiting until his respirator stopped working and shut down. But then he remembered what happened after Sidious had found him on Mustafar, how he'd been strapped down and cut apart and remade, and so he'd crawled back to the ship, forcing himself to keep moving even if he didn't want to. It helped that he was angry then, furious and hurt that Obi-Wan would do that.