Star Wars One-Shots

Darth Vader Reads Fanfiction (Part 2)

Author's Note: I've been planning to do a second part to this for a long time, and here it is. :D No, I'm not planning to continue it anymore after this, and I thought about including actual fanfics but since the whole purpose of this is to make fun of things in a cracky way,  I think that could end up a little hurtful so... xD Enjoy the last part! :D 

~ Tirana Sorki

By this point, Vader is pretty sure if he scrolls around on this website called "fanfiction.net" for more then a few more seconds, he's going to either end up killing half the planet's population, or he's going to delete the website from existence entirely. And since he doesn't think either is a good idea, he closes out of the website entirely, and promptly stumbles upon another.

archiveofourown.org

Vader cautiously clicks on the website, going to the Star Wars fanfiction section. He's almost certain that he's going to regret his decision, but he finally settles for looking up his children's names. He can still hardly even believe he has children. As depraved as people are on that other website, at least he didn't see anything particularly horrific with Luke or Leia.

He freezes in the middle of scrolling down the page, blinking a few times and suddenly wondering if the visors on his helmet are malfunctioning or what, because the screen cannot possibly say what he thinks it does. Still, the offending words refuse to disappear.

Luke Skywalker/Leia Organa

What? What?!

The only thing that stops him from crushing the computer is that he's tired of having to go... borrow new ones after he destroyed the last dozen or so. He lost count.

What kind of depraved madness is this? Or did the author of this story not even know what that means, because if not, he's scheduling an appointment with Sidious and Tarkin the moment he gets back from here. It's one planet that the galaxy would be better off without.

Vader cautiously opens the story, scrolling down and stopping at the author's note. Which basically reads something to the effect of "I know they're siblings, but people should be able to do whatever they want. Besides this happened in canon anyway."

First of all, Vader really needs to make a list of all the people he has to murder individually. Second of all, what do they mean this happened for real?!?!?!?!

He opens a second tab, frantically typing in the question that he's almost 100% certain he doesn't even want the answer to anymore. Apparently, since his life hasn't been bad enough, his children had to –

Obi-Wan and Yoda, those idiots. He understands the idea of separation and concealing them, but why not tell them as soon as they met, to avoid something this horrific, for Force's sake?!

He clicks out of the abomination, and keeps scrolling down the list.

Tarkin/Leia Organa

What?! If that sleemo so much as looks at Leia, he's going to – He will kill him slowly and painfully, and no he doesn't care how furious Sidious will be with him for it. Okay, yes he does, but it would be worth it.

Vader scrolls past that, stopping when he sees yet another fanfic about Leia. (Will people just STOP writing depraved fanfics about his daughter?!)

Jabba/Leia Organa

WHAT?!

What kind of perverted –

He clenches a fist and the only thing that stops him from totally shattering the computer is that it's becoming an incredible nuisance to find new ones. Especially since whenever he goes anywhere in the street people have the audacity to run up to him and say "What a cool costume!" Or something else equally ridiculous.