Loving Madness

2. Snap, Snap, Snap

Stressed Out- Twenty One Pilots

It's been almost a month since I entered the hospital. Something about my non-cooperation with my personal healing plan. The doctors say I was lucky. That someone was watching out for me.

God was looking out for you sweety. Said one of the ancient nurses. More like I wasn't allowed in heaven and Satan wasn't ready for this level of crazy in hell.

Yeah, thanks, Satan. My injuries were minor. At least compared to what they could have been. I lay outside for no more than an hour before a car had driven by and called the police. A broken arm, nose, and four ribs. All the injuries I knew about when they happened. Along with my whole body being covered in bruises. I looked like I had gotten punched by a prized fighter on every inch of the front of my body. Oh, and a set of bruised lungs as well. Which made every single breath I take hurt like hell. My cast is itchy and I'm stuck with needles almost every other minute. I'd lost a lot more blood than I'd originally thought. My bone had apparently popped right out of the skin in my arm. Surprisingly, it was a clean break. No splintering. I had needed two blood transfusions and they kept me sedated constantly.

When would they understand that if they just let me see my parents, I would calm down and let my injuries heal? I'm irritable and have stopped talking to everyone, except to demand my parents. A few days ago I stopped eating too. But nothing I do gets me anywhere with these people. They've started to sedate me, whether to feed me or to keep me from ripping the needles out of my arms, I don't know. Probably both. They think when they sedate me it stops the bad dreams. The ones that fill my wing of the hospital with bloodcurdling screams. The ones I see even when I blink. But no, it merely paralyzes me. Traps me in them with no way to alert the hospital staff to wake me up. No way out. A hell created specifically to torment my every sleeping hour.

I know I was far from perfect, but what the fuck did I do to deserve this?

"I want to see my parents," I demand for the millionth time. I'm so frustrated at this point, that every time I say it, tears come to my eyes. This time I let a few tears escape, hoping that a guilt trip would work. Hell, maybe they'd even feel sorry for me. Not likely. I haven't exactly been the all-star patient. The doctors keep telling me that they are in too bad of condition to be seen yet. There has been a bad feeling simmering in my gut for the last few weeks. But I refuse to even think... No. No way.

Most people would agree that I'm not the biggest optimist, but I refuse to think of any alternatives.

I know my parents. If they were awake they'd be asking for me. Maybe they are in a coma. I'm sure that's what they mean by "no condition for visitors"

As I yell this at no one in particular, a doctor I haven't seen before comes into the room. She is probably about forty, with gray streaks running through her bun. Her face is soft and her body is oddly shaped like a heart.

"Mayslee, there is something I need to tell you, but I need you to stay calm." her voice is steady but her eyes assess me in a way that could only mean one thing. She's a shrink. They sent a fucking shrink. So what, I'm crazy for wanting to see my parents after I nearly died in a fucking car crash.

I've been to plenty and ran off a lot of them. Hell, I even made one quit her job. I was particularly proud of that one. I could run circles around any of them. Time to play the games. To seem like I'm completely sane and make them feel as though they were the crazy ones.

"I would be calm if these assholes would let me see my parents," I say with a snort. "I keep telling them this but no one will listen."

"That's what I'm here to speak to you about. There isn't really any easy way to say this, so I'm just going to go for it-" she pauses as I inhale sharply. When I guess I look like I'm not going to throw up anymore, she continues. "Neither of your parents made it out of the crash."

I can't breathe. The room begins to spin. I throw up everything in my stomach. I dry heave for a few minutes and then I end up on the floor in a ball.

This can't be happening. My parents are gone forever. No, it's not possible. Then my mother's screams return to my mind.

People are surrounding me, shouting words that I won't ever hear again.

They are gone. I knew it. Down deep I really did. Honestly, I had lied to myself all this time.

In that moment of realization, something snapped in my head. It was like a part of my brain decided to melt and drain right out of my ears. My mind disconnected from my body and was now banging around in my skull. Every time it connected with my skull, I became a little more broken, a little more damaged. A little less sane and a little more mad. It felt like a swarm of angry red wasps, only they didn't die after the first time they stung. I'm vaguely aware of screams escaping my own lips. My broken body screams in protest, but I don't care, because I'll never be the same. I'm broken. A total nutcase.

And then it happens, without my permission and without any warning- I start laughing. Hysterically, I mean out of my fucking mind, Joker-style laughing. Definitely fucking lost it.

For some reason, Humpty Dumpty came to mind. Although it sounded more like this-

Mayslee went and took a dive, Mayslee's mind had a great fall,

All the doctors and nurses couldn't put her mind back together again.

Of course, this only makes me laugh harder, this time bringing tears to my eyes.

I know then and there that I won't be going to another foster home. It's straight to the nut house for me. I catch glimpses of the people surrounding me as I swim in and out of reality. Their faces range from disbelief to pity. I think one almost fainted. Some even had the look of 'I don't get paid enough for this shit'

They let me laugh myself out, and then I'm being hauled to my feet. With my psyche destroyed, there is nothing to stop the anger that rages its way to the surface. Who are they to put their fucking hands on me. I fight, finding strength I never knew I had. Adrenaline courses through my veins and I feel invincible. I don't focus on who or what I'm hitting, but suddenly there is a sharp pain in my thigh. I let out one final cry of pain and then the world goes black.