Loving Madness

16. Transformations

Supernatural- Barns Courtney

Kurt and I spend as much time as possible together throughout the rest of the day and the next morning. By the time I sit at the table with Kurt for breakfast, he may not even have to start the fight. Sebastian is visibly fuming and almost volatile at breakfast. Everyone avoids him like the plague. I guess he could be dangerous if he wanted to be, but I couldn't be scared of him. Deep down, I love him. Maybe once I find out his secret, things will go back to normal. I just want to hold him again, other than fucking each other senselessly.

My heart aches all the time. It's like I left a piece of my heart with him unintentionally. I would figure out what he wasn't telling me and hopefully, it wasn't that bad. Just something to be ashamed of. I refused to believe the alternative, that he was bad or that he had done something unforgivable. By catching glimpses of him out of the corner of my eye, I begin to worry about Kurt's safety. I did use him in my little scheme, however, if he got hurt it was on me.

"Are you sure you are up to this? The way it's looking, the second I leave, you won't have to start the fight." I wasn't really sure where I stood with Kurt, but he was cool. He was the goofy little brother everyone wanted. I could see myself becoming fast friends with him.

"Are you actually concerned? I'm literally almost twice his size. I can't believe you're worried about me." He stops for dramatic effect, clutching his chest and saying loudly, "I'm touched, Mayslee." If his goal was to get a reaction out of Sebastian, he definitely did. What happened next stunned me for only a few seconds.

Sebastian let out a cry of anger and made a beeline for our table. I could almost hear his heart racing with adrenaline. He was deathly mad and his target was locked in. I was, at that moment, both terrified of Sebastian and terrified for Kurt. For someone who could lie straight to the person they supposedly cared about, he sure was territorial. And it wasn't going to fly here.

I launched myself in front of Kurt, praying to whatever was out there, that he wouldn't hurt me. I had gotten Kurt into this mess and he wasn't going to be seriously hurt or even killed because of me. The look in Sebastian's eyes was pure rage, and insanity that I couldn't even begin to understand. However, I started to gather an inkling as to why he was here. When he saw me throw myself between him and Kurt, his eyes filled with confusion and something that looked a lot like hurt. How could he be hurt, when he didn't even know the guy? How could he be so possessive over someone who wasn't even with him?

"Are you fucking crazy Sebastian? What the hell is wrong with you?" I scream at him, fear still coursing through my veins. I hoped that by keeping the focus on me, Kurt could leave, but when I looked back, I could see him staring at me in shock. As though no one had ever stood up for him before. They probably hadn't. I made a mental note to circle back to that later. "Why are you acting like this? It's becoming abundantly clear why you're here and both you and that bullshit ass doctor continue to lie to everyone."

He is stunned into stillness. He looks like a fish out of water as he began to gasp for air. He drops to his knees, giving into a panic attack. But I don't care. I'm petrified and have to get out of there. I stumble through the hallways, halfway in delusions and halfway in reality. If I can just make it to my room, I'll be okay. I can see now, that he is dangerous. Whatever we are is dangerous, and combustible. He cared about how he affected me, but his temper was in control.

I was so stupid! I shouldn't have let him in. I become aware of someone shouting my name and the sound of footsteps fills my ears. I begin to panic as I imagine Sebastian's hands snaking through my hair and yanking me back. It's kind of ironic, isn't it? A few months ago, I would have simply stopped and let fate have its way with me, but now, I was ready to fight for my life. I was ready to kill, the person I love, in order to stay in this world. I had to be here. There was something better. I just had to survive.

I turn to face him, my breath surprisingly steady, even with the adrenaline coursing through my veins. He is about six feet behind me and his face is twisted with psychotic rage. His face was so distorted with hatred, that he was almost unrecognizable. My turn to face him had brought him up short. He looked almost disappointed as if he was used to chasing his prey. Bile rose in the back of my throat and the air around me seemed to charge with electricity. As if the universe itself was trying to figure out what was going to happen. As if this didn't already have an outcome.

Standing in front of me, his entire form seemed to shiver. From his toes to his fingertips, to every single strand of hair on his head, he shook. With rage, with excitement, with anticipation. But with something else as well. He seemed to get taller, the more I stared at him. He aged right before my eyes, going from a handsome 17-year-old boy to a haggard old man. His hair thinned and grayed, and his teeth became yellow and eventually began falling out. He was something straight out of a horror film, no, straight out of one of my delusions.

You aren't imagining this. The beast inside my head spoke, shocking me once again. And if you don't let me out, we are both going to die today.

I knew his statement was true and honestly, I was tired of fighting him anyways. I didn't have the strength to do what needed to be done. I would look into Sebastian's eyes, old and haggard as he may be, and take pity on him. It would cost my life and right now, I wasn't willing to give that up. I didn't know if the beast would give me back control afterward or not, but it was kind of irrelevant right this second.

So I did what felt natural. I closed my eyes and told the beast to take charge. I became a true passenger in my own body. It was peaceful, I had to say. To take a backseat and not worry about what was going to happen. I watched as a bystander as he took over my body and was in awe.

My skin began to vibrate, just as Sebastian's currently did. But now I understand that his skin didn't vibrate with the thrill of the hunt or bloodlust. It was power. Pure power. I became drunk on the current flowing across my skin. I somehow knew that my eyes changed colors to a royal purple color. My nails naturally sharpened and my height increased by almost an entire foot. It was glorious. I was terrifying.

That's when I realized that the beast wasn't separate from me, just a part of myself that I was terrified of. He was here to help and my mind had made me think he was the one causing all of my problems. My mind was the true enemy here, not the beast. I would have to apologize to myself later.

The beast and I merged together as one. I was in ecstasy and on fire at the same time. It was mind-blowing, feeling a piece of myself finally come together. I was scared and excited and speechless at the same time. I was simply more. More than I thought, more than I knew and more than Sebastian knew. Or did he know?