Loving Madness

41. Missing Pieces

Starlight- Muse

After leaving Siobhan to do my shopping, my anxiety hit an all-time high. I couldn't breathe and my heart refused to settle in my chest. I feel like a caged animal, I had to get out of the castle and it had to happen now. I didn't have the time or the nerves left to gather a team to go with me. I send Sebastian a quick message telling him to meet me at the spot I found the mountain lion cub. I also tell him to take his time, as I need time to gather my thoughts. This isn't going to be an easy conversation. I bring my powers to the surface as I step out of the castle through a back door.

I'm not supposed to leave the castle by myself, but I just need to breathe. I understand everyone's concerns, but I can't always be with someone. I need time to myself. Only me. The tightness in my chest starts to loosen as I get further away from the castle. The wind is whipping around me and the cold bites my cheeks. The crunch of leaves below my feet is calming and seems so oddly normal. I haven't really had time to process anything. This life, these powers, everything is overwhelming and I just can't catch up.

It helps that, due to my powers, I am a natural at most things. I keep the imposter syndrome buried deep inside, locked away in a drawer that I lost the key to. I was able to keep the worst of my anxieties at bay most of the time. Kurt and Mason knew about these feelings and worried about them quite often. There was never any judgment but they couldn't understand why I felt like I was just playing dress up and filling a role I was completely unqualified for.

My pace slows as I realize I have gone far beyond the spot I had told Sebastian to meet me at. I hadn't been paying attention and I feel someone about a hundred yards behind me. I sigh in relief when I realize it's only Sebastian. I had let all of my guard down and not even realized it. Sebastian begins to close the gap when he sees that I noticed him. His thoughts are not closed off as they are normally. I gasp in shock when I realize that he is completely open to me.

I'm sorry, Princess. He speaks inside my head and his eyes, swirling with anxiety, meet mine. I haven't been treating you right and that stops now. I haven't been open with anyone since I lost my daughter.

My mouth pops open with an audible snapping sound. I can see him in his head holding a beautiful little girl who couldn't be older than two. I see this little girl become sicker and sicker until finally, I am staring at a beautiful small white coffin. Tears form in my eyes as I experience the transformation of his powers. From a beautiful royal blue to a dark, smoky version of it.

He had a child with a human. This isn't uncommon, but the child was too human to support the powers coursing through her. She is absolutely stunning, her eyes the same shade of beautiful brown with flickers of gold as her father's. The loss of his child created the darkness that surrounds him. I feel honored that he has shared this with me. I don't think there is anything I can say. I refuse to say I'm sorry for your loss because it always pissed me off when people said that to me. So I sit with him. In his pain, his loss, his suffering. Our powers swirl around us, dark and beautiful.

I now know that the darkness is not evil. Merely trauma so deep and dark there is no coming back from it. Our powers mingle and comfort each other. We hold each other tightly and tears fall from both of us. We explore each other's minds, almost making love to each other's minds. It has to be the most intimate experience I've ever had. I understand completely why he shut me out. I understand why he didn't want to open himself up to that kind of hurt. I was there.

Her name was Laura. She was full of life and gave Sebastian a sense of purpose. When he lost her, he lost his purpose. He wanted nothing more than to have that purpose again. He wanted me to mother his children. Having children was never something I had considered before this moment. If you would've asked me a few months ago, the answer would have been absolutely not. I knew I didn't want them right now, but I could definitely see raising children with any of my mates.

Sebastian watches me closely as I go through my thoughts of having children with him. I see his face light up at me imagining little footsteps running through the halls of the castle and it lights up even more when he sees that the idea delights me.

"Sebastian," I admire the satisfaction he gets from the way his name rolls off my tongue. "I would love to have children with you someday. I'm not ready right now to have them, but I know one day I will be." I take his face between my hands and kiss him softly. I chuckle at myself and the anxiety I had surrounding this conversation with him. I had wildly overestimated how bad the conversation was going to be. "I know you would prefer to be alone most of the time, but I would really appreciate it if you would be by my side more, instead of brooding in the shadows."

"I thought you liked my brooding. Maybe even thought it was sexy." He wiggles his eyebrows at me suggestively and lets out a small chuckle.

"I didn't say stop brooding completely. Just be a little more present." I study him for a moment and try to put a finger on what's different about him. I run my fingers lightly up and down his arms, testing my theory, and gasp in shock when I see the change. "Your powers, they are still dark but they have blue mixed in!"

He stares at my fingertips in shock and pulls his power to the surface. Sure enough, they resemble my dark powers, flickering in between blue and smoky. He seems to be lighter like a huge weight was just taken off his shoulders. I suppose it was. I continue to trail my fingers along his arms, face, and chest with a small smile on my face. He watches in amazement as my fingers conjure blue to the surface. I know his thoughts have taken a naughty turn when his colors become smoky.

Looking into his eyes, they are soft. They are full of love and absolute adoration. He leans in slowly as if it's the first time he's kissing me. When his lips meet mine, it's like being electrocuted in the most erotic way possible. I can't control myself and instantly he is on his back. He lets me take control, showcasing his newfound trust in me. My hands roam over his chest as I unbutton his shirt. I call on my powers, just a little to sharpen my nails. I rake my deliciously sharp nails lightly across his naked chest, bringing a delightful shiver out of him.

I lean in and give him a lingering kiss while kicking off my pants. There aren't enough words to describe the sensations made by making love in the open clean air, surrounded by nature. I grind my already-soaked core against his quickly hardening cock. I plant kisses up and down his neck and chest, wanting to tease him to his breaking point. I want to tease him until he snaps and takes complete domineering control.

I continue my slow descent toward his straining cock, making sure to rub against it as much as possible. He whispers all the things he wants to do to me in my head as if we've created a world of our own and no one else could enter it.

Of course, as soon as the thought enters my head, I sense an entire group of people coming our way. Panicked people, with Siobhan leading the charge. I sit up with a huff, causing Sebastian to growl in frustration as I show him what's going on.

"Mayslee, all due respect, but have you lost your fucking mind?" Siobhan shrieks at me and the rest of the guard holds their breath, seeing what my reaction will be.

"I wasn't aware you didn't know but I lost my damn mind a long time ago." I smile innocently at her, as I know she only has my best interest at heart. Her answering glare makes me feel like a scolded child, but I can see she really was worried. "I'm sorry, Siobhan. I just got overwhelmed and needed some time to myself."

She takes in a deep breath and releases it slowly, making her look like a cartoon character that's trying to control their temper. The rest of the guard is stifling laughter at her expression and Sebastian actually chuckles out loud.

I'm sorry, love. We're going to have to continue our rendezvous later. I'm taking Mason on a date. I tell him, putting naughty images of him and I directly into his head. I don't want him to feel left out and suggest we get a bigger bed and all sleep together. He snorts and rolls his eyes. He doesn't have a problem with Kurt or Mason, but that just isn't his style.

He gets up and offers me a hand while I put my clothes back on. There is nothing but frustration coming off of him in waves and he puts delectable threats in my head as we head back to the castle. Everything seems to be looking up and for the first time in a long time, I am content.