Loving Madness

17. My Beast

White Demon Love Song- The Killers

It was a strange experience, my mind knowing exactly what to do. Even when I didn't have the knowledge a few moments ago. Sebastian raised his arms and threw what looked like a ball of light at me. It was power, pure power. I let a shield cover the entire surface of my body, but not to deflect the hit, to absorb the hit. It shimmered across my skin in a way that only I could see but was impenetrable.

I was going to pretend to take the hit and see where to go from there. I let a sliver of the power he threw at me strike my forehead. A small gash opens on my forehead, making blood pour down my face. I still didn't want to fight him, but it was a necessary evil. Maybe he would learn to make a better choice, but I wasn't holding my breath. I didn't have a choice or I would die. With the combined parts of myself, I didn't have to worry about taking pity on him.

Even with my shield, the hit was jarring and had me flying down the hallway. I crashed against the doors out of our unit and was surprisingly uninjured. But I stayed on the floor where I had landed, to try and psyche him out. Apparently, it worked, because he chuckled as he sauntered towards me. I felt sick to my stomach as I realized how evil he truly was. No, I wouldn't believe that he was evil. Broken, for sure, evil, no.

As I looked into his eyes, one final time, I saw nothing but darkness there. He seemed to draw up short when he noticed the blood running down my temple. Conflict paints his features as he realizes he hurt me. Like two sides are warring with one another. Hope floods through me as he drops to his knees and his hands cover his face. My heart breaks for this man who so recently tried to kill me. My hand instinctually reaches for him. I stroke the back of his head, hoping to offer some sort of comfort. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"How do I help you, Sebastian?" My voice is steady and doesn't waiver, which doesn't match how I feel inside. He flinches away from my touch and my heart splinters further. This man is broken and struggling and I love him, but I don't know how to help him. I have to try. "Please, let me in. I'll do whatever I need to."

"There isn't anything you can do, Princess. I'm sorry." As those words leave his stunning lips, he is gone. Along with a piece of my heart. Tears roll down my face as my heart fractures further. A broken howl leaves my throat as I sit in the hallway with my arm outstretched to nothing. Sobs rack through my frame as I struggle to come to terms with the new hole in my heart.

"Mayslee!" An inhuman growl comes from the other end of the hallway. I see Dr. Sampson with a knife held to Kurt's throat. She looks almost like a zombie, she must've been very nearly as old as Sebastian. She is feral and in a state of complete insanity. Her eyes roam wildly, looking for her partner in crime. It still doesn't make sense as to why she is after me.

Kurt doesn't look scared and when I make eye contact with him, I feel a hair's worth of power coming from him. I see the concern in his eyes, but I'm more interested in the power he's given me a hint of. Just a whisper of power, only meant for me to see. He doesn't want me to do anything rash and wants me to know he can handle himself. He's hiding his power and has done well. The doctor has no idea of the power that lies just beneath the thin barrier of the skin. You might say she will be shocked to find out and I roll my eyes at my own dad joke. He makes eye contact with me and gives me a small smile, the most microscopic of expressions, almost as if to say- let's go.

I feel a rumbling coming from him and see his power bursting out of him. The whole room seems to vibrate as his power is unleashed. He is extraordinary. His power is subtle yet lethal. He is like a slinking, silent mountain lion. Graceful, deadly, and beautiful. His burst of power has a green tint to it and thinking back, mine has a lilac tint to it. Strangely enough, Sebastian's was dark, almost black. If I had to guess, but I'll never know, the doctors would be a similar color. My eyes search for his and I see that they have turned a deep emerald green. I find it hard to look away from his penetrating stare and when I do, I am not surprised or shocked, it was just inevitable. Dr. Sampson is instantly fried, the shocked look on her face frozen forever. She will never analyze me in a way that makes me feel small again or lie to me.

My skin soaks the power back in and I slowly come down from the high that was consuming my being. I realized how drained I currently felt and I drop to my knees. Everything around me felt as though it was wobbling and I struggled to focus. I couldn't focus on Kurt anymore, but I had the sense that he was running toward me. I try to hold myself together but the world is slowly going black and fuzzy around the edges. I don't know how much longer I can stay conscious, but I fight. I'm so terrified still. I need answers and I need them now. Between the hole in my chest and needing to know what's going on, I have to stay awake.

"It's okay Mayslee, I got you." I hear Kurt's voice and the sincerity in it. I panic for a moment, thinking of the last person I heard something I thought was genuine. But was it not genuine? Something in me tells me everything Sebastian said to me was true, but there was another side to him that definitely couldn't be trusted. To my surprise, the beast chose that time to speak up.

'It's okay, he can be trusted.' His words were not sharp, merely stating a fact. I still referred to that part of me as the beast but viewed it in a different light. It was weird, thinking in terms of the beast being a part of me. The beast was still something to be feared, but rightly so. If you didn't fear that type of power, you ended up like Dr. Sampson. The beast was also a wonderous, new, fearless part of myself. It ultimately saved my life and showed me things I never thought possible.

My strength was waning and I listened to my beast. I trusted him. He trusted me and now that he had healed my broken mind, I could see that he was never evil and never part of the problem. He strove to protect us, to ensure our survival. With that thought, I handed myself over to the darkness and fell into a peaceful sleep for the first time since the accident.