Loving Madness

40. Planning

Wrecked- Imagine Dragons

I wake slowly and peacefully. My address to the people went well and I am now mated to Mason. I search for him in my mind and find that he is still asleep, but in distress. I open my eyes to find myself back in my room with the boys on either side of me. I reach up and stroke the side of Mason's face gently. His mind calms a bit and I sense Kurt watching me. I feel a twinge of guilt, as though I have been neglecting him. I roll over to him, and a smile lights his face. I snuggle up to his chest and speak softly to him in his mind.

I'm sorry I haven't been giving you the attention you deserve my cub. It's been a little crazy and I am struggling to balance both of you. His eyebrows raise in surprise, not at my statement but because he didn't feel like I had neglected him at all. In fact, he loved the three-way dynamic. He obviously still wanted time to himself, but he knew that it took time to find a balance and was perfectly content with how things had been. You are incredible. I love you cub.

I place a small kiss on his neck and get up to use the bathroom before I get too carried away. While I do feel like I'm neglecting him, I know that Mason hasn't gotten any alone time with me. Kurt had plenty and I want Mason to get my full attention as well. My head spins with anxiety and I stare into the mirror. I grip the edge of the counter trying to get my breathing and heart rate to slow. This was impossible. I was being pulled in too many directions and couldn't find a balance that made everyone happy. Finally, in an effort to calm myself, I press my cheek against the outside window. It's frosted over and freezing, shocking me out of my anxious state.

Mason and Kurt both burst into the room, on alert and sensing my anxiety. When they see me with my face pressed against the glass, they probe my mind softly to find out what is wrong. I don't have the energy or the balls to tell them, so I let them search until they find the source of my anxiety. I'm ashamed I can't do this. I have tried so hard to find balance and I feel like I'm failing both of them.

They watched me spiral for a moment and then both move to pick me up gently. Neither slept with any clothes on, so they just moved into the shower, carefully maneuvering me between them. They both whisper in my mind how they understand and how they are both incredibly happy. They think I'm doing a great job, given the circumstances. They make more excuses about how I was thrown into being a Queen and coming into my powers. They gently wash me and make sure to shower me with kisses. The heat slowly spreads across my body and I am finally able to break through my spiral. I slowly sit up, as I was splayed across their laps, and I thank them profusely for putting up with my bullshit.

"You're under a lot of pressure baby girl. You are amazing. I promise you, we will let you know the second we are feeling left out or neglected." I search both of their minds and find that both of them are being nothing but truthful and begin to blush.

"I'm sorry loves. Sometimes I just get in my head and can't get out." My blush spreads down my chest and Kurt is having trouble controlling himself.

"That blush looks lovely on you. Have I told you today that you're the most beautiful being I've ever laid eyes on?" Kurt's eyes sweep hungrily across my body. He is going to be disappointed, but I've already made plans. I plead with him to not get mad at me.

"Thank you my cub. However, there is no time for extracurriculars right now. Kurt, I have had a lot of one on one time with you since we met. I haven't had one on one time with Mason at all and he deserves it. Would it be alright with you if I reserved today for just him and I?" I cringe internally, waiting for the jealousy and anger to come, but it doesn't.

"When are you going to see that we literally live for you? When you are happy, we are happy. While I don't particularly want to spend the day away from you, I know Mason makes you happy and he will take care of you. Please try to get over the 'I have to treat them equally' mentality. There will be times you spend more time with him and times you spend more time with me and that's perfectly okay. We both have different relationships with you. We meet different needs of yours." I could cry at the sincerity of his voice. I couldn't ask for any more understanding people in my life.

"Thank you love. First, I need to go speak to Siobhan. I'm also closing the mind link to both of you. I don't want you to know," I run my hands down Mason's god-crafted chest. "and I can't trust that you won't tell him." Kurt pulls a fake offended expression and we both chuckle.

With that, I hop out of the shower. Drying quickly, I get dressed even quicker. I don't want to give either of them the opportunity to jump me because my self-control only went so far. I check myself in the mirror to make sure I'm presentable and call out a quick goodbye to my boys. I rush out the door with the vulgar catcalls ringing around in my mind. They were insatiable and were really going to drive me nuts. Always in a good way though. I search around the castle for a few minutes and finally stop to ask someone where Siobhan is. She is in the throne room working with the other guard members. My anxiety spikes as I realize I still have to go meet Sebastian. I promise myself after I talk to Siobhan I will go deal with him.

"Your Majesty, I'm surprised you're up and walking this early. Well, really this week." She waggles her eyebrows at me and the rest of the guard shifts uncomfortably.

"You guys are really going to have to loosen up." I address them directly. "You work with me closely and I would rather feel like you guys are my friends. If that isn't something you can handle, you might as well go now. And for Christ's sake, stop with the 'Your Majesty' bullshit. Just pretend like we are just hanging out because shit is about to get personal. Might as well introduce you guys to it early." Siobhan is doubled over with laughter at this point. "I mean you all saw me completely naked and being railed by two guys yesterday. There is no privacy anymore." Siobhan almost falls over at my last statement and her laughter is definitely contagious and it cracks the rest of the guard.

"Alright, Mayslee, what can we help you with?" Christian, a big brute of an older man speaks up first.

"See that wasn't so difficult was it? Anyways, I want to make a date day for Mason and I, but I genuinely don't have a clue where to go with it." Everyone stares at me blankly until Siobhan speaks up.

"Well, I think we could all tell how much he absolutely loved showing you off." All of the guys nod in succession, immediately agreeing with her.

"I know, but how do I turn that into a date?" I ask, looking around the table.

"There's a club not too far from here. It's called The Zipper. It's run by Vamps, but any paying customer is welcome." Xavier speaks up next, looking almost shy.

"You know, that might not be a bad idea." Siobhan is slowly nodding her head and I can see a plan forming. "Anything goes in that club, he would have a hell of a time showing you off. Of course, the guard would have to go with you. That's a really seedy part of town and some shifty people frequent the club, but we can go in clubbing gear if it makes you more comfortable." I am loving her plan, as I still don't know many of the spots for our kind.

"You know what I think would drive him crazy?" The pretty boy of the group, Thomas, speaks up. "You could wear a trench coat, with some BDSM gear underneath it, you know, like leather and spikes, real slutty stuff, and not show it to him until you get there." I am stunned for a second at how good of an idea that is. My face is lighting up and everything is coming together nicely.

"Siobhan, would you mind going shopping for me?" I ask her with a mischievous grin on my face. I ask her to go because I know I would never pick out something slutty enough for myself. She on the other hand would go as far as possible, which was kind of the point.