Loving Madness

Epilogue: Full Circle

I swim in and out of reality many times after that. Although it was never a full version of reality, it was always the free trial, the lite version. To tell you the truth, it could have been mere seconds or many years. Time had no importance in my state of mind. I had gotten to a point where I couldn't remember why my soul was in shards, it just was. There was never a good enough reason to be this broken, it simply was. Nothing made sense. Left was right and up was down and I had no hope of ever finding my way out.

I only ever caught glimpses of the real world, distorted as they were. Hands grabbed at me, some type of shouting in an unknown language was in the background at some points, the brush of fabric against my skin. It didn't matter, I was comfortable. For whatever reason, I deserved to feel this, it was my fault I felt this mind-bending, world-shattering sadness. Every once in a while, my body would heat up suddenly as if it was reacting to something or someone, but I could never get a grip on my thoughts long enough to figure out what it meant.

The feeling of loss was the most prevalent. I had lost something, maybe my mind and it was devastating. Whatever it was, I didn't want to return to reality without it. I knew it was something I couldn't live without, so I grew complacent in my sorrow. I got to know it, let it make me bitter. Let it make me dark. Recollection tickles my brain at the mention of me becoming darker, but I can't be bothered to follow it.

Much to my disappointment, I woke up and everything seems normal. The hole in my chest is still clearly there, and the devastation the loss had spread across my mind is still very much there as well. The room I'm in is bland. It seems familiar, but I can't get past the barriers in my mind. I don't even know my own name at this point. There are white puffy walls, a small cot in the corner on which I assume I was sleeping, and a small observatory window in the only door.

The sense of deja vu was unmatched at this point. I quickly walk to the small attached bathroom and look in the mirror. A gasp leaves my lips as I see my eyes are a royal purple color with smoke seeming to seep from them. The face in the mirror can't be mine, it has to be more hallucinations. The lips from my face in the mirror move and a familiar voice hit my ears.

'Mayslee, you have to remember, find something to cling to. No one can help you. I am weak and chained. Remember...' A quiet thrumming, that stirs something in the pit of my stomach begins to chime in my ears. Maybe a heartbeat? I blink and my face is back to normal in the mirror.

"Mayslee, can you hear me?" I jump at the voice coming from behind me and I turn cautiously. My mind is desperately trying to remember something I know I forgot. The woman in front of me is short and stumpy. She isn't quite short enough to be considered a midget, but close enough. She looks to be in her middle or early 40s with blonde hair that's flecked with silver here and there. Her eyes meet mine and her name automatically leaves my mouth.

"Dr. Sampson?"

To be continued...