Loving Madness

5. Sebastian

I Love You, Will You Marry Me?- Yungblud

Dr. Sampson looks at me for a long moment, almost as though she can't believe we are having a coherent conversation. To be honest, I can hardly believe it myself. I can tell she is studying me, analyzing everything she sees passing through my eyes. Can she see my madness? Or are my barriers effective enough? Am I as stone-faced as I feel? Her next words make me think I am.

"I can definitely make that happen," she says slowly, still analyzing. "but there are a few things you are going to have to do before I can."

The beast rips and roars, trying to make his way to the surface. I jerk my head to the side, in fear that she will see through to the chaos beneath the surface.

How dare she try to put conditions on me? Just rip her throat out.

I will not.

I stunned him at that moment, he thought he had me fully in his grips, but you can't grip a million pieces at once.

Let me take the reigns on this one. Do you really think we will ever get out if we rip her throat out?

The beast was still too stunned to speak as I turned to face her once again. The only break in my mask was the single tear streaming down my face.

"What do you need me to do?" I almost said what do we need to do and figured that wasn't the most effective way to get out of the room. For the first time in a long time, I heard my voice and was shocked. My voice is hoarse and cracking, as it was when...

The snap of a seat belt overwhelms all of my senses. A weightless sensation comes over me. I'm flying once again and my breath is gone. I'm briefly aware of my knees coming to my chest and my arms struggling to hold myself together. My breath and heartbeat are racing and it's a losing battle. I can't stop the vision from unfolding in front of my eyes.

My mother's screams fill my ears and I lock eyes with the doctor. Although, it is no longer Dr. Sampson. It is the cold, dead eyes of my mother, locked in her final death scream. This is a new one. Blood begins to pump from every possible orifice. My mother's voice reaches me, distorted and sounding as though she is screaming at me from down an empty, echoing hallway.

"It's you. You're the reason we aren't here." I know her words are true and I want to tell her how sorry I am and how I would take their place in a heartbeat, but I am frozen and cannot move, not even to speak. Her face snarls and curls into a mask of hatred I would have never thought possible. She truly hates me. I feel my breathing hitch once again and my chest burns with every breath. I feel a hand on my back rubbing soothing circles, which makes me stop for only a moment.

Not once, since entering this god-forsaken place, has anyone placed a hand on me in a comforting way. I grip my legs so tightly my nails dig into my calves, as I try desperately to remain in this reality. I want to know who is touching me so sweetly and why. The hand on my back has given me an out, something to grip onto to stay in the moment, so I focus on it.

I focus solely on the hand and everything about it. It is too big to be Dr. Sampson's hand. I've seen hers and they are short and stumpy just like the rest of her body. At that thought, a small chuckle slips from between my lips, causing time to stop. Of course, with the hoarseness of my voice, due to lack of use, it kinda sounded like a growl. The hand immediately moves from my back and I feel myself succumbing to the delusion once again.

My mother's face rushes towards me once again with that otherworldly snarl on her beautiful face. Her eyes are filled with rage and hate in a way that I cannot handle. I hear myself whimpering again and feel a scream building in my throat and there is no point, I will not win this battle against my own mind.

"Mayslee. Focus on the sound of my voice. I promise it helps. Listen to my voice and find your way back." The voice is directly in my ear and it's overwhelming. The voice sounds like an angel and is the only thing I have to hold on to. I swear to god the snarling beast in my head purrs. So I do. I continue to listen to all of the bullshit whoever is whispering in my ear is spouting. Like how good I'm doing and how strong I am and how it is all going to be okay. The voice is so beautiful that in my time of need, I run to it. I run from all the hate and shame my mother has made me feel, but vow I will deal with it another time when she cannot suck me in like that again. But would my mother really blame me? No. Not the woman that I know. It has to be the beast. Come to think of it, he has been suspiciously quiet since I took over again. It had to be him. But when I look, he is nowhere to be found.

"Mayslee, you can do it. Only listen to my voice. Anything you are seeing or hearing is not real and you do not need to be afraid of it. I promise. I'm here with you." The deep and lovely voice whispers sweet nothings into my ear and I follow it. Even though I know it can only lead to disappointment. Just another mind game made up by the beast. To torture me. But he doesn't know is that I am done just playing along with his games, doing whatever he says. The things he says to me are not me. I don't hurt people. I might hurt myself, but other people is where I draw the line.

I desperately climb my way out of the abyss my mother had thrown me into. No, not my mother. The beast. My mother wouldn't do that to me. I realize my eyes have been closed this entire time and chastise myself for not noticing earlier. It was all the beast. He was hurt by my last forceful takeover. I will not be caught off guard again. I think to no one in particular as the beast seems to have vacated the premises.

I take my time climbing, looking for any faulty foothold, and all the time making sure to focus on the voice. That beautifully deep, velvety voice. My heartbeat stops racing against my ribcage and my breath comes in and out as normal and I am finally able to open my eyes. I am not disappointed by what I see. There is a man here in front of me. Slowly backing up now. About my age, maybe a few years older than me. His eyes are the most beautiful deep shade of brown, the kind you could get lost in, but with flickers of gold here and there that was almost hypnotic. His hair is brown as well with a honey shade to it that glistened like it was wet in the fluorescence. It ran just past his shoulders.

My mind swirls in confusion as my thoughts have turned possessive. I don't even know this man and yet, there is an instinct inside of me claiming him. Every cell in my body is screaming. Mine, Mine, Mine. My behavior is worrying so I ignore myself and lock my muscles into place.

I am too stunned to speak, so I do the only thing I can think of and look down. My hands are wrapped so tightly around my calves that bruises are beginning to form. I also happen to notice that I am wearing a pair of knee-length light blue shorts and a matching, simple t-shirt. No socks or shoes either. I guess they dressed me and I am glad they did. Especially with this mystery man, they have presented me with.

"I have never seen you come out of a hallucination so quickly on your own, Mayslee. I'm very impressed. You may well get out of this room sooner than we thought possible. For now, though, I would like you to meet Sebastian. He is the other resident I was telling you about earlier. I am going to let you two talk and get to know each other for a few minutes while I go finish up some notes." And with that, she walks swiftly out of the room.

"My name is Sebastian, as you already know. How are you?" His eyes were so genuine, that I couldn't help but begin to shut down. I will never care for another person, as a friend, as a lover, or as family. Regardless of everything in me telling me to know him, to make him mine. These instincts popping up seem crazy, yet completely natural. I will not set myself up to go through a loss like that again. And so I begin to stare into space without saying another word. As if he could read my mind, he begins to speak again, " I won't give up on you Mayslee. I'll be here. As long as you choose to ignore me, and then when you quit being stubborn and choose to acknowledge me." He says this while crossing his legs, leaning back, and settling into a peaceful silence.