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My eyes linger on the words on my screen, my brain somehow convincing me that if I stare long enough, they will change into something else. Something more harmful and heartbreaking.
Something meant to hurt me.
They don't.
He needs me. He needs me.
Without a second thought I'm standing right in front of the door. Where Susan stood, staring at him suggestively. He had called her to soothe him... he wanted to use another woman to get rid of the pain I somehow caused him.
It's my fucking fault.
I know I said I hate crying, but that's how I truly break, nothing ever really gets to my head in the sense that it triggers the way I feel and my emotions. Not my mothers abuse or the way I was treated by previous lovers.
It was like a one time thing whereas I shed a few meaningless tears and move on with my life.
I don't want to stay stuck for long.
Even though I said nothing to hurt my feelings, I felt on the very edge of my mind. I was one hug away from breaking.
I gently open the door, his back was to me and he was pacing, he was fidgeting around with his rings and his chest was rising and falling faster than I've ever seen before. "Zade?" His head turns to me swiftly and he looked worn out and confused.
Cheeks hallow and a shade of pink adorning them, his brows farrowed, hair dishevelled and eyes almost red.
I shove my own feelings down my throat and approached him. "Are you okay?" I didn't intend for my voice to break midway my sentence.
"Yes—no... yes, I just need..." he couldn't get a word out as he took me in his arms and shoved his head into my neck. He picked me up so my legs are around his waist and held me tight. "I'm right here." I tangle my hand in his hair and massage the back of his head. "I'm right here." I whisper in a tender voice. "Make me forget, please." He murmured softly in my ear.
"Zade..."
"Please."
He was in a vulnerable place and doing anything with him right now would feel like a crime. I don't want to take advantage of him.
So I lightly press kisses along his neck and jaw, forehead and finally lips. I peck him softly and wait for him to kiss me back. He closes his eyes and presses his lips against mine in a dead, soft kiss. He didn't feel like himself, Zade would throw himself in fire to kiss me for a single second. This Zade was lifeless and gone.
I pull away and he moves back until he takes a seat on the bed, with me on him. He lays me on my back and lays his head on my chest. His hands were still around me and he used me as a pillow.
What happened to him?
I put my hands in his hair and rub his scalp gently. He was slowly falling asleep, but his face remained cold and gave away nothing at all about how he is feeling.
