are you mine? - a south park style fanfic

Chapter 28 - Where's Kyle?

Tw: Mentions of sexual situation, Drug Abuse

The next day I woke up not remembering how I got there or what happened. I slowly got up dried blood all over my shirt and floor. I assumed it was from yesterdays fight with Stan, until I got up and saw powder residue on my desk stapler and rolled up dollar bill, then it all came back to me.. fuck. I checked the clock on my phone, 10:51. Shit.. I'm way too late to go to school. Fuck it, I didn't want to go and have to see those fucking assholes anyways. I dragged myself into my bathroom stripping myself naked and jumping into the shower, feeling so gross I let myself go to sleep, or, pass out, like that. I couldn't believe myself, I always said doing drugs once in a while with friends or at parties was fine, but I always drew the line when it came to doing it by myself. Yet here I was, vigorously cleaning off the bloody mess I made of myself from doing just that. I almost felt disappointed, but remembered that how upset I was about everything, and gave myself a break, I probably needed them or that panic attack could've ended badly, and my mom wouldn't have even been there to take me to the hospital again. I remember my mom begged the doctors that I had anxiety, but they brushed me off and insisted that it was a normal teenage thing. Except, mine happened a lot, I just never told anyone. When something bad would happen I would hyperventilate until I would pass out in my room, then wake up and never tell anyone, until it finally got way too bad after my parents had a giant argument which led to my dad taking Ike.
Ike was my rock, he was like a mini me, and we always used to do everything together. Now, I never see him. My dad keeps him away from me because he insists my mom is crazy, which really made my mental health bad. And just when I thought I finally had people there for me, of course they both turn on me. Whatever. I
sat down in the shower, rethinking everything, and found myself crying again. I cried for almost an hour before finally getting out and finishing my morning routine. When I came back in my room and checked my phone I saw I had 7 missed calls from Stan at 11:48, we would've been at lunch right now. "Pfft." I said rolling my eyes. I blocked his number on impulse, something in me was screaming at me no, but I didn't care, I never wanted to see him again, not after that.

Stans Pov:

"Fuck." I said punching the bathroom wall as the 7th call went to voicemail. "Fuck dude. What the fuck did I do." I found me saying to myself as I banged my head against the wall. "You good bro?" Kenny said from the urinal as he peed. "No dude.. I fucked up everything." I said holding my head against the wall. "If I'm being honest.. I don't blame him. What you did was hella fucked up and unforgivable.. but thats just me.", he said as he came and washed his hands in the sink near me. "Yeah thanks dude, I feel so much fucking better." I said pissed off. "I'm sorry bro but I'm being real. You can't just do that to someone and expect them to be okay with it.", he said as he came and stood beside me looking down at me. "What the fuck was I supposed to do? Tell Wendy I was basically in a relationship with him? Show the whole school 'hey I like a dude and you should respect me for it'? I just can't." I said throwing my arms up defensively before putting my head back against the wall. "Okay Stan but you didn't have to get back in a fucking relationship with Wendy a few days after they broke up knowing that he clearly loved you, and you clearly fucking loved him. And then you told him that you didn't love him? That's some real fucked up shit, not even gonna lie to you." Kenny said shaking his head as he talked. "I can't help that I love Wendy dude. I always have and I always will. I can't just end us, especially not to be with a guy. It just makes more sense to be with her anyways." "You don't love her Stan, you're obsessed with her. And she doesn't love you. Once you realize that, it's gonna be way too late to fix everything you fucked up. And the people who were actually there for you will be gone dude. No disrespect.. just from personal experience, trust me, its not worth it." Kenny said before walking out of the bathroom without even looking back at me. What the fuck did he know, he doesn't understand me and her. And yeah, I know deep down I did really love Kyle, but it couldn't go anywhere anyways, it was better to end things right there instead of maybe taking it too far. I just wish I never fucking gave him a reason to like me back, but it always felt like I couldn't control myself around him. He made me so comfortable and safe and.. I could be myself.. Fuck. Whatever, I need to stop thinking about him. I have a girlfriend now, for all I know he shouldn't even exist to me.. Yet, I found myself nearly on the verge of tears, wondering if he was okay, and why he didn't come to school l, and why he didn't answer my calls even though he always does. I didn't even know what I was gonna say if he answered.. I really just wanted to hear his voice one more time. I contemplated calling him again, until I got a call from Wendy. "Hello?" "Stan where are you? Me and Bebe have been waiting by the car we're hungry!" Fuck. I forgot I have to take them to eat now. "Oh sorry.. coming." I mumbled before hanging up. I tried to make myself feel happy, about Wendy and stuff, but I just felt this pit in my stomach swallowing all my happiness. When I got the car I was greeted outside of it with a one-sided kiss, I let her lips leave mine and we got into the car. The other night she had told me about everything that happened with Clyde, and it made me a bit sick seeing her when I remembered it. I wish I could kill him, but I knew she'd be mad at me. As we sat in the fast food place her and Bebe talked the whole time, and I found myself missing Kyle again. I wished he was here sitting with me, at least I wouldn't feel so alone. I knew after the lies I told to make him shut up, and our bloody fight, he'd probably never talk to me again. I played with the dew on the side of my cup as I stayed quiet the rest of the lunch.

When school finally ended me and Wendy headed back to Craig's house. From the door I could see both Craig and Kenny's partners were there, Marjorine and Tweek, all talking in the kitchen and laughing. As we walked in everyone went quiet, staring at us. "Oh! Hey Wendy!" Marjorine said as Wendy just smiled, noticing the weird energy everyone had towards us. "Where's Kyle?" Craig said oblivious, Kenny shot his eyes to him. Ugh. "Oh, uh, he didn't come." I said quietly trying to walk with Wendy too my room. "They got in a big fight because Wendy got back with him." Marjorine said laughing. "Marjorine.." Kenny said scolding her. I side eyed her as Wendy fake laughed and grabbed my hand until we made it to my bedroom. "I know Kenny didn't tell her about that." I said pissed the fuck off. "I know. I'm sorry. She's really nosey and I ended up telling her too when I told Bebe." "Why the fuck are you fucking telling all these people my fucking buisness?" I snapped at her. "Oh fucking relax Stan. They don't care anyways, they probably would've found out eventually. Bebe knows you and Kyle had a thing if you dont remember, she was there when you guys were having your little gay moment or whatever." she said rolling her eyes at me. "Shut the fuck up Wendy Jesus fucking christ." I said laying on the bed mad. "Make me." And just like that, we had more loud pointless sex, like we always did. It's not my fault being mad turned me on, but this time I was so mad about everything that I don't even think I enjoyed it. I just thought about everything slightly attractive until I eventually finished about an hour later. She was tired from having to put in so much work into making me finish that she just collapsed into my arms after we were done. I tried to feel anything towards her, but for some reason I just couldn't. I tried blaming it on my emotions, it was just because I was upset, as soon as I got over myself me and Wendy's love could go back to how it used to be.

Kyles Pov:

I found myself sitting on my floor all day picking at my hands, not even bothering to make myself something to eat, only getting up to change the cd's. For some reason I kept wishing Stan would just call me one more time, knowing if he did I wouldn't even pick up, it just felt nice to be wanted. I stared a the top of my closet door across the room, with my suit hanging. What a waste of money. I decided I wasn't going to prom, I'd just go next year when I had new friends, of maybe even a girlfriend. But for this year, it wasn't even worth it. I'll just spend the night getting drunk.. I glanced over at the stapler that still had powder on it. "Might as well make it come faster." I mumbled to myself as I got up and headed for the kitchen. I dug through the cabinets until I finally got the oxys again. I poured myself 5 more and took them back to my room, before repeating the same process I did the other night. As it kicked in, this time I made sure to lay in my bed, feeling the numbing wash over my body once again, and for a second I felt the same warm feeling I got when I was with Stan. I smiled and held my arms out as if Stan was giving me a hug, until I snapped out of it and realized what I was doing, which was quickly followed up with tears. God I can't believe I'm doing this shit again, yet, it felt too good for me to even be mad. I really didn't know why I was crying, I was way too high to even feel emotions. I fought the feeling of passing out for a bit before it eventually happened. Nothing was more pathetic than me right now, yet, I was okay with that.