are you mine? - a south park style fanfic

Chapter 30 - I Love You So Much It Hurts.

Kyle's Pov:

I sat on my couch in a drunken state, crying about how lonely I felt. Tonight was something I had been waiting for since I started high school, and here I was, sitting on my living room floor alone, watching some sappy romance movie, wishing it could be as easy as it was in the movies. As the credits rolled I found myself at the end of my last beer. It was pouring outside and the thunder shook the house. I was pretty tipsy by this point, but not how I wish I could be. All I could think about was how Stan and Wendy were probably having the time of their life, and had forgot all about my existence. I thought about how my mom hadn't been home for god knows how long. I thought about how I'd never be truly be happy again. Stan was the only person I could see myself spending my life with, and I know that one day I'd probably meet some mediocre girl, and just settle so I didn't have to be alone the rest of my life, but always be miserable knowing the only person I could truly love was gone. Tears began forming in my eyes as I tried to blink them away, but the eventually started pouring. I wanted to be numb. I thought back at how Stan told me the pills helped him his drunkness be better, so that's what I would do. By this point, I didn't feel ashamed at what I was doing anymore, I knew I had a problem, but I couldn't stop. I grabbed 5 more pills from the bottle and crushed them up on the coffee table in the living room. I stared at them for a second again, thinking about how I got to this point, until..

*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG*

I jumped at the door being banged on and panicked. I tried blowing the powder off the table fast, not realizing I had still left behind some when I got up, along with the dollar bill and stapler. I walked to the door quietly as it continued being banged on. "Kyle. Please talk to me." I heard the voice cry from outside.. is it..?

I opened the door.

My heart dropped as the stupid half blonde haired boy stood outside, looking like a mess, but a hot one in his suit. His hair was all fucked up from the rain. He wiped away his tears and sniffed. "Can I please come in dude." he said quietly. I let him in not saying anything, and closing the door behind me. "Stan-" just then, he pulled me into a kiss, getting my clothes all wet. I pushed him away and stumbled, he nearly fell over. "No Stan, I'm not letting you fucking treat me like this again. You don't get to fucking play with my feelings, I won't fucking let you dude." "Kyle please!" he screamed at me hugging me before I pushed him off again. "No Stan, I won't let you!" I said walking away from him as he cried falling to the floor. "Please dude.. I need you so bad right now." "No you fucking don't. You don't need me, you want me. And you only want me because you don't know what else to do. I don't get it, what the fuck do you want from me Stan?! You have a fucking girlfriend, you told me you never fucking loved me! What do you fucking want from me dude I don't understand!" I said screaming at him crying now as well. "I love you Kyle." he said looking up at me as I stood against the door. "Shut the fuck up Stan. Stop saying shit you don't mean and hurting me. I can't take it anymore. You don't fucking love me, you love her." I said sliding down the door and crying into my hands. "I don't fucking love her Kyle. I thought I loved her. I tried to convince myself I was happy with her, but I wasn't! I was happy with you." He said coming over and sitting in front of me. "You don't mean it.. You never do." I said still crying. "Kyle, I can't change who I am. I can't keep running from myself and my feelings. That's why I keep coming back to you dude! I can't fucking live without you! I love you so much it hurts. It fucking hurts to live knowing I don't have you. Please Kyle. I just want to be with you." he said as he grabbed my face and looked me in the eyes. I stared at him as tears kept coming down. "Please dude.. I need you. I need you more than anyone. You're the reason I keep living." he said wiping the tears from my face. "Stan. I can't keep getting hurt. It hurts too much." "I know dude. I promise, I wont ever let you get hurt again." he said putting his hand down to grab mine. "No one makes me happier than you dude. I love you.. more than anything in this world." he said looking at me as my crying calmed down. I felt my body shaking, and he did too, so he scooted beside me and pulled me into a tight hug that lasted until I stopped. "What about Wendy..?" I said looking over at him. "I'll tell her tomorrow. Something kinda.. happened at prom so, I have a feeling she wont really want to be with me soon anyways." he said looking at me halfway smiling. I smiled back and put my head on his shoulder.

Me and Stan eventually got up and moved to the couch where we put on another film and cuddled up next to each other, we were finally As it went on, I noticed Stan's head move to the side, like he was staring at something. "Kyle.. what is that." "What's what?" I asked, then my heart dropped, realizing that the powder from earlier wasn't completely gone. Stan got up and walked on his knees over to the table. "Dude.. please don't tell me.." he looked back at me as I frowned getting emotional again. "Kyle.. why. You always swore you'd never do anything by yourself. What if something would've happened to you?!" he said walking back over to me and looking me in the eyes. "I'm sorry dude.. I just wanted to make the pain go away." I said, looking down, embarrassed at how corny I was being. "Dude, trust me, you don't fucking need drugs to do that. Please bro, I don't want to see something bad happen to you. I'd kill myself for real." he said looking at my hands before grabbing them and looking back up. "Promise me dude. That you won't pull that shit again.. unless im here." He said smiling. I smiled too and nodded. He turned around and blew the powder off the table before climbing back up and pulling me back into a hug. I felt so happy knowing Stan really cared about me, I finally felt it, and it felt so good knowing he was finally mine.

As we watched the movie for a bit longer and drank a few more beers it became more suggestive as romance movies usually tend to do. Me and Stan looked at the screen chugging and trying to avoid eye contact while the embarrassing scene played. "Damn" Stan said as the girl finished the guy on the tv in a tone of 'must be nice'. I found myself wondering if Stan was thinking about it, and my drunk unfiltered mind eventually let out, "How long do you think you'd last if that was you?" Stan looked in the sky for a bit, then back at me. "Depends.. are we talking about a random girl, or you?" he said smiling at me drunkenly. "Either." "Well, if it was some random girl, probably half an hour." he said taking another drink. "What the fuck? Half an hour? For a really hot girl?" I said confused and thinking he was just trying to sound cool. "Yea dude, thats usually how long it takes with Wendy and shit.. you were like the only person who it took less with." We sat in silence thinking about what he said. ".....Oh shit dude does that make me gay.." I busted out laughing at how concerned he was for a good 2 minutes while he sat there embarrassed. "Okay okay it wasn't that funny.." he said rolling his eyes at me as I tried to catch my breath. "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. it was just funny how scared you sounded. But I don't know.. maybe? If you feel like you're more attracted to guys it doesn't make you gay, you just have a preference." I said while playing with strands of his hair. "...What about you? What do you prefer?" he said looking over at me. I pondered for a bit as I never really tried anything real with a guy. "I don't know yet. I haven't for real been with a guy, and girls are just okay I guess.. I guess I just prefer you." I said smiling at him. He smiled back and leaned in giving me a kiss on the cheek, to which I returned with a kiss on the lips, which was returned with more kisses. We kissed for a bit making each more passionate, his lips tasted like beer. Stan eventually pushed me over and climbed on
top of me, just like I had imagined in my high state of mind the day before, I felt my face get red as he stared down at me putting his hand on my cheek. "Aww are you embarrassed that I have you like this?" Stan said laughing. Before I could try to pretend like I wasn't, a loud wave of thunder knocked out the power, leaving only the candles lit around the living room on. "Fuck." I said. "Whats wrong? The universe was just trying to set the mood." Stan said laughing and leaning down closer to my face. "Shut the fuck up." I said before pulling him down closer to me back into a kiss. We made out for a few minutes, his one hand holding him up with another resting on my chest, and both my arms wrapped around him. It felt a little bit embarrassing to let him have this much control over me, because I knew I was enjoying it so much that I didn't even care what position he had me in, or the fact that my legs were nearly wrapped around him as his waist touched mine. Just then, I felt Stan's hips moving a bit back and forth and he groaned into my mouth, his bulge rubbing against mine. Fuck, I wanted him so bad and I didn't know why. Then I realized, why not? I always wanted Stan to be my first guy, so why not try now. I pulled down my arms and pushed him off my lips a bit as he stared into my eyes confused. "Want to test how long you can last?" I said smiling, as his eyes got wide. "..Are you sure?" he said sounding a bit scared at my suggestion. I nodded and smiled at him, as he leaned back on the opposite side of the couch and began unbuckling his pants.