Diaries of the Damaged (BxB)

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February 17th, 2018

Dear dear diary, I have to tell you a secret! I think I have a crush on someone! My first ever crush! He is in my French class. He is so pretty and funny, but not in a rude way. He never makes fun of anyone. He is even nice to me! He said to me today that my French is really good! I know he doesn't like me back, he likes this girl everyone is teasing him about, but it still feels nice to have a crush!

I know I shouldn't like him because he's a boy, but I can't help it! I wonder if any of my crushes would ever like me back. That would be so nice, but it feels impossible. You are the first and last to know my secret diary! Keep it safe!"
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Wes's pov:

-"Fuck..."-I murmured as I closed the door of Elio's room. I went to the bathroom and splashed water on my face. Shit, he wanted to kiss me. He really went for it. And the worst part is, I so hopelessly wanted to kiss him back. I had already put him on my lap like a crazy person. I wanted to touch him, I wanted to mark him with my scent, I wanted to make him mine. Fuck...

I crouched down, trying to get the image my brain created out of my mind.

This is all my fault, I'm aware of that. I led him on. I was aware that I was getting too intimate with him, but I still acted the way I acted. I enjoyed teasing and touching him so much that I didn't even consider that I was confusing him. No wonder this happened, it was so damn predictable.

-"...shit, this is really getting dangerous."

I have to get that idea out of my head, I have to get the thought of him liking me out of my head. He probably doesn't even like me, he's vulnerable, needs someone to give him love and attention, and he thinks I'm that person. But he doesn't really like me, I'm just the only option around him. People in his situation tend to confuse the feeling of comfort with love. I'm very well aware of that...so why am I still thinking about it? I'm such a failure of a medical worker, being attracted to my fucking patient.

Not to mention that he's a kid with probably zero dating experience. My needy, touchy, overly sexual self would only hurt him. And even if I was to get physical with him, I don't know if I would be able to control myself with someone so tender...and I don't want to hurt him...that's the last thing I want...shit.

Time was slowly passing...my shift was almost over. I went to the store and got some donuts and sweets. I know I should give Elio space to process his feelings and that he probably doesn't want to be with the person that rejected him right now, but I'm also his caretaker and I don't want him to feel lonely. Fuck, I don't really know how to deal with all of this properly. Where should I draw the line...?I knocked on his door, not entering.

-"...hey Elio, are you feeling okay?"

-"Y-yes..."-A small voice spoke from the other side. I could tell he was right next to the door.

-"...I'm going to let you process your feelings and all. Of course, you can call me and I'll come right back to the hospital...I bought you some donuts and sour gummies...I'll leave the bag on the door handle, so feel free to take it when I leave...I hope it will make you feel a little bit better...please, don't feel bad..."

-"...thank you...I'm really grateful...sorry for being such a nuisance..."

-"...you're not a nuisance...I'll see you in the morning. Make sure to get some sleep. Good night little one."