8 sips of Poison | Stray Kids Mafia AU (part 2 of 8 sips of Wine)

The things love makes us do

Hyunjin entered the room and flopped on the bed, hiding his rosy cheeks in his palms.

-Did you and Felix talk it out? Jisung asked from the edge of the bed.

His back was facing Hyunjin which made the latter unable to see what was the younger doing.

-Yes. There may be a chance for us, after all, Hyunjin couldn't stop smiling, kicking his feet like a teenager.

-You two will work it out.

Jisung's voice seemed off. Hyunjin got up listening to his gut feeling and pushed slightly the boy aside, making him curse through his teeth.

-What are you doing?

-Sharpening a knife. Jesus, Hyunjin! You made me cut myself, he said sucking the blood dripping from his finger.

-These aren't the knives for Bang Chan's trick, aren't they?

-What do you think? Jisung got up and took a napkin to wrap around his finger.

-What are you planning to do exactly?

-Chop that Baekhyeon's head off.

-That's cruel. Even for us.

-Cruel is what he did to us.

-Jisung, this will get you killed. We have a plan. Let's stick to it.

-No! It must be me who sees before he dies. I want to see myself in his eyes.

Hyunjin followed him and grabbed his wrist, making him drop the knife.

-This won't bring you peace. I've been there. I know how it feels like.

-You have no idea how it's like to be controlled by someone else! To have his voice constantly in your head telling you how to be. How to behave. I have lived with him as part of me for so long and the hatred for him spreaded towards me as well.

-Who said I didn't know? Hyunjin mumbled.

Jisung raised his gaze and saw Hyunjin's shoulders going up and down as he was hyperventilating.

-I had their voices up here since the moment I met them, he pointed to his forehead. I let them control me and take everything from me. My father slowly trapped my mother under my eyes, they snatched my best friend away from me and made me watch him struggle for a last gasp of air. Even after killing that bastard... I kept hearing them on and on and on AND ON! he clenched his jaw. I became the monster they wanted me to be. I became what they knew I had the potential to become. I scared everyone... I was locked to avoid hurting you all. Because they saw me only capable of destruction. I wasn't thinking of Felix as weak! I was thinking of myself as that! Me I couldn't protect the people dear to me. I couldn't catch up to them. I thought that if i let Felix free he would go ahead of me. He would be away and I couldn't go and be by his side. Catch him when he falls. I WAS THE WEAK ONE AND I DESTROYED HIM AS WELL! he screamed from the top of his lungs.

His veins climbed on his red neck as he tried to calm himself down.

-You won't feel at peace if you kill him. You will still hear him. You need to fix yourself. Let go of what he gave you and build yourself as a person. Minho hyung can give you all the love in the world, Chan hyung all the acceptance... But being praised will just deepen this mindset. He made you addicted to validation. Stop crying about it, stop pity yourself and start embracing yourself! He broke up to pieces and made you his little doll. Cut those strings and be your own person. Stop hiding behind trauma and fear. They can't accept you if you don't accept yourself, Jisung.

-I want him to die by my hands, Jisung kept his head up.

-And I want you to live. If you kill him, you won't be able to forgive yourself. Let someone else do it.