Awesome Genshin Nonsense

BAIZHU OBTAINS ARCHON A LA MOUSSE

Please forgive me. I can't remember for the life of me what inspired this ridiculous idea.

     "Dr. Baizhu. What are you doing?"

Baizhu nearly did a double take when Qiqi asked him the unprompted question. The first thought to come to mind was dear archons, she's come to life, until he remembered that the zombie girl had added check on Dr. Baizhu and ask if he's still alive– every 18 months to the tasks section of her notebook.

Sweet of her to think of him, he supposed, if there were any thoughts in that little undead head at all. Sometimes he wasn't so sure. Just last week he'd seen her walking and walking and walking into the wall, like a glitch in a video game.

He smiled at her nonetheless. "Why, hello, Qiqi. I am currently testing out a method rumoured to cure any illness and grant you long life."

"Yeahh, I'm not ssssure about thissss one," hissed Changsheng, coiled neatly in loops around his neck.

"Oh, hush, Changsheng. It is always worth a try," he said deftly.

It had been suggested and supplied by a strange man in a large, Inazuman hat with a suspicious sort of smile. Baizhu didn't exactly trust him, but the logic behind it was sound.

Qiqi's expression hadn't moved an inch, like usual. "Dr. Baizhu. Are you still alive?"

"Yes, Qiqi. Thank you."

Her duty now finished and done, she left the room to collect herbs.

He plucked a chocolate-dipped leaf and chewed it slowly. It tasted a bit like lettuce. His 'cure' winced and spoke up. "Do you want some advice? I feel like you could use some advice. Yeah, I think I'll give you some advice. This really won't work as you intend it to, you know."

Baizhu sighed. "I'm afraid to admit you must be right. I had only hoped..."

The archon in the bowl shifted to a more comfortable position. She prodded the remaining leaves on her head with a hesitant finger. "Understandable. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm able to help you..."

"You do look tasssty, though," Changsheng giggled. "Are you a radish?"

Baizhu patted his snake's head gently to calm her. She went back to sleep. "Why are you here, Dendro Archon? And why is your head dipped in dark chocolate?"

Nahida tapped her hair lightly. Tiny cracks formed in the shell of chocolate. "You know that blue guy with the hat? I give him therapy sessions. He's got quite a... temperament."

"I see," Baizhu said slowly, dumbfounded. "Will you require aid to return to Sumeru? I can get you a ship and a crew, if you need." He had no desire ro piss off an archon, no matter how... fun-sized she may be.

She surveyed the room. "Where's the box I came here in?"

Baizhu pulled it out from under the table. Nahida nodded. Chocolate flakes fell to the floor. "I do not want to waste such a sturdy box... and even less take advantage of your generosity. Just slap a 'return to sender' over the mail address– oh, nevermind. It's already been sent. Just to the same address, then. Sanctuary of Surasthana, 5653 Akademiya Road."

She hopped into the box, closing the flaps behind her. "Got that? 5-6-5-3."