I Still Need You (A BMTH, BFMV, etc. fanfic)

Crucify Me

I gasped and bolted upright in my bunk, almost taking my head out on the low ceiling. 

I barely remembered walking home, or talking to Jaxon, or...anything, really.

My entire nightmare had just been a memory. The thought was horrifying.

"Hazel? You awake, baby?"

"Dad?" I craned my neck to try see him. 

"Hi, babygirl. How ya feeling?" Dad asked as his head popped up on my bunk ladder. "Jaxon walked you back here last night. Said you were talking, but you looked really out of it. D'you remember? Were you panicking?" His questions escalated with concern, his brow furrowing.

"I-I...um..."  I curled my knees up to my chest, and I felt my heart begin to pound again.

"Here, hold on." 

Dad's head disappeared again, and he came back a few minutes later. 

"Here." He handed me a steaming mug, and I grinned as I breathed in the scent of hot chocolate, feeling a familiar calmness wash over me.

"Thanks, Dad." I whispered.

"Anytime, baby. Can you tell me what's wrong?" He climbed into the bunk beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close.

I took a long sip of the warm drink. "I dunno. I've just got a lot on my mind right now."

"Like?"

"I dunno." I said again. I couldn't tell him about my bullies. He'd never let it go.

Dad raised an eyebrow, but squeezed me tighter. "Well, if you ever need to talk, I'm here, okay?"

"Okay." I whispered again with a smile, tracing the outline of the "High Five?" tattoo on his hand.

We sat there in silence for a few more minutes before he was called away to another show.

"You coming?" Dad asked, starting to get up.

"Can I-" I cleared my throat, "Can I just stay here for this one?"

"You'll be okay alone?" He shot back, looking concerned.

"Yeah. I'm just tired. I just wanna chill for today." I assured him, "I got books to finish." I added with a smile.

Dad's returning grin still held an edge of worry. "You're sure?"

"Yep. Go knock 'em dead. Don't do anything weird to the fans." I teased, and he laughed, brushing my hair aside to kiss my forehead before crawling down the ladder.

"You're no fun, love." He winked, "Love you, babygirl."

"Love you, too." I grinned as he left.

Once he was gone, I let out a sigh and crawled out of bed, grabbing my book and heading for the couch.

I read for a few minutes, but the words just weren't registering. I stared at the same paragraph for nearly ten minutes before sighing and looking up.

I caught my reflection in a mirror across the room.

I saw my own brow furrow, and I slowly stood up, placing the book to the side and striding towards the glass.

And all of a sudden...I didn't like what I saw.

The mirror was full length, and I took in all of myself.

I hated the way my legs looked, even covered by jeans. I hated how pencil-thin my wrists were. I hated the acne dotting my face and shoulders. I hated the way my stomach wasn't perfectly flat.